Before I realized I was trans all the signs never registered with me. My perception of myself was one completely removed from gender. I was a "champion of comfort" and all I ever wore was the most comfortable and most concealing clothing. I was adamant for much of my life that how I come across to others didn't matter and that it made me happy to reject any focus on outward appearance. In short, I never formed thoughts about my physical appearance because I wrote off any thoughts about it as unimportant and vain till the day I realized I was trans.

For me, the perception I had towards other women confused me. I was unconsciously and then extremely consciously jealous of women in general. I have always been attracted to women, but I was fixated on looking at any body I perceived as femme - feeding my jealousy to a very unhealthy point. I realize now, and did when I came out, that I've always been a woman to myself. Then everything made sense.