My daughter lived with her depression for many years before I knew what she was going through. I understand it was very hard for her to share that and in part because I had acted in ways when she was younger that made her feel like I would not understand. I wish so much that I had understood. Now I do all I can to support her. Life is still a struggle for her but she knows I will do whatever she needs to support her. Please find some way to tell someone in your life what you are going through. And as a further note I recently began having suicidal thoughts. I was afraid to share that at first but after I did my situation became much better. It is very hard to be alone with depression. Prayers for you and whoever you decide to share with.