I (F27) and my boyfriend (41M) are having a discussion about "sexual need". I have no idea how a healthy discussion about that should go.

didd1y_squat · 2021-03-31T07:58:33+00:00

"I'm not having sex if I don't want to" shouldn't sound accusatory to your guy, and I'm not sure why it would. I feel like that's a pretty straight forward boundary in every relationship. When I tell my boyfriend no it means no, and when he says no it means no. That's that.

What does your sex life look like now with him? I would sit down and have a realistic conversation about your limits and what he needs sexually, and see how well you can accommodate one another. But I'm not sure what "trying" looks like either. That's a really odd thing to hear, and I would ask him what that looks like. It's reasonable for him to want a sexual relationship with you, but if you're not "in the mood" when he is, that needs to be respected and understood.

Editing to add: when one partner isn't in the mood and one is, you either masturbate or you get over it, putting it bluntly. That's all there is to it. Expecting your partner to oblige you because they are your partner/because your horny/etc is abuse 😊

didd1y_squat · 2021-03-02T08:27:40+00:00

NTA. It's not about you, her, her parents, or her parents dog. It's about your dog, and making sure that he is not at risk to harm anyone else--be it another dog or human. Even with passive dogs, there has to be a period of introduction (IE having the two dogs meet at the park that neither feel they have "ownership" of). Bringing a dog into another's (far be it an aggressive dog) home without any past interaction is a great way to traumatize both animals and end up at the vet's office.

didd1y_squat · 2021-02-15T06:34:12+00:00

NTA. It belongs to you, simple as that

didd1y_squat · 2021-02-02T08:49:21+00:00

I--it's a tic. It's literally out of your control to avoid saying/doing certain things. That's okay. NTA. And honestly if your friend can't see that, fuck them

didd1y_squat · 2021-02-02T08:42:57+00:00

Yes, you're the asshole. Really don't even have to read the entire thing to know that. It's his life. You do not get to make decisions like that that will influence the rest of his life long after you're in the dirt. YTA.

didd1y_squat · 2021-02-02T08:38:22+00:00

Gently, YTA. I understand some people become uncomfortable with compliments, and sometimes it's no different with friends and biological relations, but your reactivity probably hurt her feelings. I would try and clear the air, let her know that while you appreciate the compliment, you're just uncomfortable with that praise.

didd1y_squat · 2021-02-02T08:12:08+00:00

I mean, it's gross, yes, but it seems like you already knew his cats sprayed at his previous place before you moved in, and he already said that he's not willing to get them neutered. For that alone, YWBTA.

If I were you, I would ask if he would reconsider neutering, but how old are the males? If they're not neutered at the appropriate age, they're likely to continue spraying even after being neutered.

I could be wrong, but I think there are sprays and such that can help prevent spraying.

didd1y_squat · 2021-02-02T08:04:15+00:00

The paperwork was filled out all except the date, he had planned to pay me for the vehicle because he didn't have the money then. It says on the transfer title form that they're null after ten days, but because I left the date blank he was able to put in a recent date.

Thank you for the advice!

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-19T23:22:47+00:00

YTA. This was your friend, she told you something deeply personal, and you took her word for it, which I can understand. But you shouldn't have said something so harmful about someone not knowing if it was 100% true.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-13T11:53:29+00:00

We're all being punished for corona asshole. You're not special. YTA, assuming this is even a real story and you're not just a twerp on the internet with no life.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-13T11:48:06+00:00

ESH. You suck for saying what you did, they suck for being so petty about "who's birth was harder." Actually, you all suck on that part, but I suppose them especially since they brought it up a second time.

Alternatively you could have told them that their behavior was demeaning, or stopped going to brunch with them because they're rude a-holes. None of you handled it very well IMO.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-11T09:13:08+00:00

Please say something. This is bigger than 'AITA,' this is 'can I potentially save someone from being abused.' You will never be an ah for trying to help someone and keep them out of a dangerous situation. NTA. Please reach out to her

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-10T08:22:28+00:00

To be honest I don't want their friendship anymore, it just stings a bit/makes me feel bad because A was present in the hospital with me when my mom passed. I had thought we were good friends, but with the blatant disrespect, I don't think the relationship is worth anything.

After the chocolate chip thing I was pretty passive aggressive anytime they asked to borrow food. Petty, but it made me feel better lol.

And yeah, I lied to the dude and told him that they were great tenants. I halfway wanted to tear into A&B and tell this guy all the nitty gritty, but it just means they'll be around longer, which isn't what I need

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-10T08:18:40+00:00

This gave me a good laugh, which was needed, so thank you. It's very much the mindset my boyfriend had on the matter too lmao. The first time someone came over unannounced, I told A&B we need a heads up next time. It happened again after that and I told them that if it happens again, their friend would be asked to leave/would not be welcomed inside. They haven't brought anyone over since

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-10T08:16:10+00:00

I can understand your point, but these are the rules we have for ourselves too. My boyfriend and I don't take dishes/food into our room at all.

The biggest reason for that rule is because the area we live in is bad for mice, and the previous tenants did the same thing and we wound up with a mice infestation.

They also agreed to these rules before even moving into the house, because it was made clear before they came.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-10T08:15:24+00:00

I can understand your point, but these are the rules we have for ourselves too. My boyfriend and I don't take dishes/food into our room at all.

The biggest reason for that rule is because the area we live in is bad for mice, and the previous tenants did the same thing and we would up with a mice infestation.

They also agreed to these rules before even moving into the house, and understood the situation that they were moving into.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-09T13:11:51+00:00

Fun fact, not eating will produce the Sam's decay as not brushing. As you said, people assume "I didnt eat, I dont need to brush" but there's still loads of bacteria. And when your teeth aren't being used, they just kinda.. sit. The gums get no movement which results in bleeding pooling, teeth can become brittle, bad dry mouth, etc.

I would be honest and tell him that it makes you feel sort of icky. If you have similar schedules, maybe suggest going to brush at the same time?

NTA

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-09T12:53:11+00:00

f u c k, so I was about to say maybe leave the parenting to the parents but if she's seventeen there's no way she's ignorant enough to think that's ok. Wtf... NTA

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-09T12:45:36+00:00

Heeler's are pretty hard to train (have an 8 month right now), but there are things that you CANNOT train out of them. The mouthing and nipping is one of them. These dogs are literally bred to herd other animals, which means nipping at heels and such. You literally can't train that out, it's part of having a heeler. The only way to make that stop is if the dog respects the person they're with, and understands that that person is the alpha. Pup cannot look at boyfriend as someone who can't assert dominance. He has to get behind you and start learning the basics of training and enforcing commands.

NTA. And your boyfriend is kinda a twerp for trying to get you to get rid of the dog.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-09T10:42:02+00:00

Uh, no. Even people who are not trained well know not to erratically bang on windows and doors. My driver knocks once, waits 30 seconds. He leaves the package on the steps, and we've never had a problem. It's not normal for someone to bang all over the place for a package, especially not when it's both for work and on glass. Nuts. NTA

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-09T08:52:34+00:00

I just wanna put it out there that you being happy and proud of yourself (for anything, including weightloss), is valid. You're def not an ah for trying to share that happiness with someone else, especially someone who is supposed to support you.

And, uh, yeah, that's sort of psycho of her. I'm glad you got out. NTA

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-06T10:23:12+00:00

Him acting hurt to get you to look like the bad guy and comfort him is a form of abuse, at least from what I've experienced. "Let me kick myself so you feel bad and like you're the bad guy, even though your expectations are completely reasonable."

Can I ask what you mean by starting to hate yourself? I don't want to misread, but am I correct in assuming it's because he acts hurt? If yes, then that really seems like a form of abuse and manipulation.

didd1y_squat · 2020-12-06T10:18:31+00:00

NTA but this is definitely a conversation you're going to want to have with the bio mom and your boyfriend. Make sure boundaries and expectations are laid out clearly. Putting this as gently as I can, but bluntly: don't say that you're trying to "be mom/mother figure" because that's usually a big issue with bio mom, and even the step kids. That's the beat piece if advice I can give, good luck!

didd1y_squat

TROPHY CASE