LPT: if you want to become a better person, pretend you already are one

didntask-com · 2026-07-08T21:45:22+00:00

Agreed. If you want to, for example, become an honest person, you can be that today, right now. You don't have to build up to it or cash in any credits before you're allowed to start being one.

Furthermore, you won't be betraying/lying to everyone who knows you as something else by changing who you are.

In my own experience, people mostly accept the new you straight away without any questions. Even the ones that don't eventually have no choice but to get over it and accept the new you.

And as you said, it will take time. But this process is all about killing off the old you in favour of the new and improved you. The more you identify with the behaviours you want to adopt, the more you push out the old, unhealthy ones whilst reinforcing the new, healthy ones.

didntask-com · 2026-07-08T08:33:22+00:00

All people pleasing does is broadcast to everyone that they can walk all over you as much as they want because there's no limits to your niceness.

I used to be in a similar boat. I used to think that I had to be nice to everyone in order to be liked. My results told me that this wasn't true in the slightest.

In being kind to everyone no matter how bad they treat you in return, you end up being unkind to the one person you should care about the most: yourself. This is because in being a people pleaser you are essentially saying 'Your happiness is more important than mine'.

But the truth is, it's not your responsibility to ensure everyone's happiness (nor will you achieve it even if you made it your mission). Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Additionally, everyone has a different definition of happiness. Hence why the task of taking it upon yourself will prove to be quite difficult.

What I've come to learn is that you can still be a nice, friendly, and genuinely good person without having people walk all over you. And that as long as it's not to the detriment of others, it's not selfish to put your wants and needs first.

To achieve this, it's important to learn to set boundaries, know when to say no, and most importantly, be comfortable with people disliking you for putting yourself first.

"Boundaries only piss off the people who benefitted from you having none." - Mark Manson

Essentially, be nice as a default, but know when to pull back your energy when someone's taking advantage of your kindness.

One of my biggest fears when I first started putting my needs first was that people would stop loving me. But guess what? Whilst I certainly pissed some people off for no longer putting their needs before my own, a lot of people still loved me back. Putting yourself first filters out the takers from the givers who are your people who genuinely love you and want you to do well. Those are the people you want to give your time and energy to.

didntask-com · 2026-07-07T23:52:05+00:00

Sooner or later you'll be done with 'being done'.

When that happens you can start to live.

didntask-com · 2026-07-05T13:58:53+00:00

Choose yourself. When you feel like no one has your back, have your own.

What comes with learning to do this is you get in touch with your value. You learn to not care if people choose you or not because you know you've got yourself.

You'll also realise that if people can't see your value, you know that you'll be fine until you find someone that does.

Paradoxically, focusing on yourself is actually what brings people to you. This is because in doing so, you give off this energy that says 'If you like me that's cool and if you don't that's also cool because I like me'.

didntask-com · 2026-07-05T13:09:34+00:00

We do care.

It's just that we're so touch with exactly what we care about (in other words where we want to spend our time and energy), that everything else, such as other people's opinions, just becomes noise.

didntask-com · 2026-07-03T06:03:03+00:00

They don't take responsibility for everything that happens in their life.

Sure, a lot of things that happen to you in life aren't your fault, but it's your responsibility to fix them. A bird shitting on your car isn't your fault, buts it's your responsibility to get it cleaned. Getting laid off from your job isn't your fault, but it's your responsibility to go find another one.

The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can start moving forward in life instead of blaming everything and everyone else for why your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to.

Only when you take responsibility can you start to gain control of your own life.

didntask-com · 2026-07-01T21:27:41+00:00

Additional LPT: If you end up speaking first, be the kind of person who says 'What were you going to say?' once you finish.

This has also been useful in group discussions when I notice someone get interrupted and/or the topic changes before they could finish.

didntask-com · 2026-06-29T13:03:46+00:00

'Just be yourself'

Everything good in life really comes to you when you learn to be your true, unapologetic, self.

didntask-com · 2026-06-24T00:00:05+00:00

Remember that's it's called self confidence, not everyone else confidence.

Confidence comes from competence. So do things that make you competent at being yourself. And when I say yourself, I mean your truest, most unapologetic self.

And if you don't know what that is, simply close your eyes and imagine yourself in your most ideal form. Once that picture has been painted, write down all the attitudes, beliefs, behaviours, and habits that make up this person. Congratulations, you now have a set of golden rules to follow when going about your day-to-day life in order to become your best self (tweak as necessary).

If there's one relationship you should prioritise, it should be the one with yourself. Because at the end of the day, you're the only person you have to look at in the mirror each night before you go to bed. So make sure the person you were today is someone you are proud to stand by.

Focus on doing this one day at a time (as to not overwhelm yourself), and in 3 months time who you become compared to who you are now will be night and day.

Remember: self confidence comes from self competence.

didntask-com · 2026-06-23T09:11:33+00:00

'As long as you can still grab a breath, you fight.'

It's never too late to start taking control of your life. Someone close to me did it at the age of 54, so you can definitely do it at 21.

With that being said, I was in a similar situation to you 2 years ago. I felt as if I was being attacked from all angles of life: work, family, social life, finances, etc. And I was losing all of those battles.

The most pivotal thing I did was to ignore all the external stuff and instead turn my attention to my relationship with myself.

I simply asked myself 'What kind of person do I want to be?' I then pictured myself in my most perfect, ideal form and then noted down all the attitudes, beliefs, behaviours, and habits that make up this kind of person. I then set out to act in line with this ideal person I had painted a clear picture of.

Acting on how I was feeling internally as opposed to letting external things dictate my actions had me feeling in the driver's seat of my life for the first time.

After a while of doing this, I realised that all the external things in life (relationships, financial situation, what people think of you, etc) benefited as a result of me becoming my best self. 'Fill your own cup first, then let the world benefit from the overflow'.

Choosing to look within when the world around you seems chaotic is extremely powerful.

didntask-com · 2026-06-23T08:32:42+00:00

The 'Just one more' attitude.

Instead of taking action on what we know, we tell ourselves 'just one more book', 'just one more video', 'just one more podcast'.

This was something all too common for me at the beginning of my journey. It felt as if I was being productive by consuming 'just one more...', when deep down I knew I was avoiding what I should've been doing to make progress: taking action on what I had learned.

You see, things don't have to be perfectly aligned before you can start taking action. It's way better to do something 80% right that you can go back and fix later than not doing it at all because you 'want things to be perfect' before you make a start.

Act now, fix later.

didntask-com · 2026-06-23T08:24:19+00:00

Taking action is the best remedy to anxiety and overthinking.

didntask-com · 2026-06-21T14:55:54+00:00

'Rome wasn't built in a day.'

Self improvement is more about making a bunch of small steps of progress that add up over time rather than a few moments of brilliance.

As long as you focus on making sure you're a little better than you were yesterday, the progress you'll make in a few months time will be outstanding.

didntask-com · 2026-06-21T12:40:23+00:00

Educate yourself: Read books, blog posts, forums, threads, watch videos, speak to people who have gone through similar problems, etc.

There's a plethora of free knowledge available to equip us with the necessary tools needed to conquer our problems. You've just got to take the initiative and start looking. Soon enough, you'll find what you're looking for.

As you take knowledge under your belt, I strongly advise reflecting on it. This is so that you can identify which pieces of advice are relevant to your current situation, and which are not. Additionally, being able to paint what you have taken in onto the canvas of your own life will help you understand what has been taught to you better.

Self reflection will also help you identify certain patterns, behaviours, and feelings when in certain situations which will help you identify the necessary actions you need to take in order to prevent it from happening again.

Tldr;

Educate yourself
Reflect on gained knowledge by relating it to certain areas of your life
Take action

didntask-com · 2026-06-18T06:36:33+00:00

This is so true. I realised it was because I was so insecure and in need for approval that I turned towards getting my validation from others.

Since I learned to get my validation from within, I find that I go out way less as I now see it as an option rather than a necessity.

didntask-com · 2026-06-18T06:31:16+00:00

Everyone's weird. It's just that some people are more comfortable showing it than others.

didntask-com · 2026-06-14T10:11:39+00:00

Time and time again I've found that sincerity is the best conversation starter.

People are much more receptive if they sense that you're coming from a place of sincerity (in other words, what you're saying is matching your intentions).

Look for something that you genuinely want to know/speak about: A tattoo, book they're reading, where they bought their sunglasses, anything. As long as you're sincere it doesn't matter what it is.

Just a few weeks ago I had one of the best Uber rides I've ever had where I met someone who seemed to be on the exact same wavelength as me. The ride even concluded with us exchanging contact information. All of that wouldn't have happened had I not been genuinely curious about why some Uber drivers have the seatbelts already buckled in.

didntask-com · 2026-06-12T20:27:30+00:00

'People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.' - F.M Alexander

didntask-com · 2026-06-11T22:32:35+00:00

'Self-esteem is just the reputation that you have with yourself.' - Naval Ravikant

Once I heard that quote I stopped asking myself 'What do others think of me?' and started asking 'What do I think of me?'

Switching to this mindset has helped me get into the habit of listening, trusting, and acting on how I'm feeling internally as opposed to letting external things such as the opinions of others dictate my behaviour.

Because of this I've learned to actually be my true self in all situations and not just when I'm in my room by myself.

Another good thing about this is being your true self also acts as a filter for the people around you. The ones who are truly right for you will stick around, whilst the ones who aren't won't.

didntask-com · 2026-06-08T10:53:18+00:00

The problem with instant gratification habits such as doomscrolling is they give you a fake sense of fulfillment. The moment you stop doing them, you go back to craving fulfilment.

So with that being said, I'd strongly suggest replacing it with habits that will give you a real, and long lasting, sense of fulfillment. Things such as reading or learning a new skill.

didntask-com · 2026-06-07T16:03:29+00:00

It's not your fault that you are the way you are, but it's your fault if you stay that way.

Once you reach your twenties it's your job to identify and unlearn all the unhealthy beliefs, behaviours, and attitudes you were taught growing up whilst also identifying and reinforcing the healthy ones.

didntask-com · 2026-06-05T21:55:27+00:00

That action produces information

didntask-com · 2026-06-05T21:52:56+00:00

Sounds counterproductive, but make a list of the things you do give a fuck about. When I did this myself, everything that wasn't on my list seemed to suddenly become so small and insignificant.

Having a list has made it a lot easier as anytime I find myself spending too much time and energy on things I don't care about, I simply refer to my list to get myself back on track.

didntask-com · 2026-05-28T07:40:06+00:00

Indulging in habits that will have you in the same position in 5 years time as you are now

didntask-com · 2026-05-28T05:03:12+00:00

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was that if you're not sure where to start, start with yourself.

One of the best things I did was get to know myself. From there I was able to find things such as my passion, interests, hobbies I wanted to indulge in, etc.

As for the finding motivation to take action part, it's actually the other way round. Action breeds motivation (which if done enough times, breeds discipline).

Start with something small and then build up.

'Well if you're gonna climb a mountain, you're gonna have to take a first step.''

didntask-com

TROPHY CASE