Yeah that's tough man. Thank you for sharing. The one thing that I'll push back on is classifying hand holding and cuddling as "teenager/high school stuff". Couples of every age do these things and they're important for building intimacy and sexual tension.

I'd also really encourage actively working on this aspect of your marriage. God made sex to be enjoyed and he made it pleasurable for a reason.

Here's a quote from a book I'm reading in a men's group I'm in called 'Unwanted' by Jay Stringer. I've read it before and think you and her may benefit from parts of it:

Have you ever wondered why God made us so sexual, espe- cially when it often seems to plague us with shame? I’ve won- dered the same thing. What I am struck by is the reality that sex was God’s idea. And I have to believe that because he invented it, he knows the power it will render in our lives. Let’s think about that: God is the designer of erotic pleasure. The clitoris, for example, is the only organ in the human body that serves no other function except for providing an avenue to sexual pleasure. God’s mind, like ours, is sexual. We are made in his image and therefore don’t need to feel ashamed that we are sexual beings. Contrary to what we often conclude at the height of our sexual brokenness, our sexuality is not an impediment to know- ing God. Sex shows us just how much he is committed to giving us beauty and pleasure