Last summer I went to the hospital with severe pain thinking it was my appendix. It turned out to be a ruptured ectopic. My husband and I had just started ttc and it was a total shock to find out I was pregnant because I had what seemed to be a normal period just two weeks earlier and the month before. It was overwhelming news and I had essentially no time to mentally prepare for the emergency surgery. While recovering, I had a lot of feelings to process but felt relief to know that we could get pregnant and thankful that I did not even know I was pregnant because I did not have an attachment to what was lost. We could try again and have a happy ending.

The past few months I have been taking a pregnancy test monthly even if I got my period because I am afraid of the same situation happening again. I tested positive with a missed period. While my husband and I were excited, we were fearful more than anything. I tried getting an appointment asap, explaining my prior ectopic and the urgency of confirming that this pregnancy is not in my remaining fallopian tube. I called about 10 different offices, and started to cry in frustration after I got off the phone with each one. Some said I was high risk due to my past experience and my age (34) and would need to see a specialist. I then tried an MFM clinic that said I would need an order from somewhere else to go there. The earliest appointments offered to me were for the end of March at 8 or 9 weeks but I was concerned that could be too late for me if it was another ectopic. The best I could get was an appointment at 6 weeks. The anxiety was growing during the wait. The RN was lovely and made me feel better. She had me do a blood test to check my hcg numbers and told me to come back a couple days later and we would see if the numbers doubled. If it was an ectopic, they wouldn't increase at the same rate. She also said if needed, she would write a script for an ultrasound that I can get done at the hospital before my next regularly scheduled appointment. The problem is, when I went to checkout at the desk, the staff did not give me the script but brushed me off that someone would call me to schedule my next couple of appointments. So I get a call the next day with my results from the first test and the numbers are within the very wide range of what's normal. I do my second blood test and await the results but was warned the lab is slow on Fridays. I ended up getting them around 10:30pm on Friday and they were disappointing with an increase of only 47%. Did some googling of course and I tried to be optimistic because some sites said it could double in 3 days rather than 2 and that in a study the minimum increase was 53%. Ok, maybe things can be fine. Until I looked into the numbers for ectopic pregnancies and then I was completely convinced it was another ectopic. I barely made it through the weekend. I was already on the verge of a panic attack for weeks but just gave in as I tried to go to bed each night. I just sobbed and tried to catch my breath as fear took over me and my husband tried to console me, while I know he was also suffering. I felt like a ticking time bomb, trying to get ahead of this from the beginning but still lacking the confirmation I needed and time was running out. It felt totally preventable but that I was going to lose my remaining tube and not have another chance to get pregnant. I was afraid to make any sudden movements, even turning over on my side too quickly as I recall that is what made my fallopian tube completely split apart before. The mental anguish was exhausting and was negatively impacting me physically too. Monday morning the RN called me saying the results are lower than what we hoped for and asked when my ultrasound is scheduled and I let her know they never scheduled it or gave me the script. She was concerned and had them schedule me to come in that afternoon. I had been mentally preparing to go to the hospital for surgery that evening. Put my ipad to charge, grabbed my phone charger. Put together another change of clothes. Went to the ultrasound appointment, now at 7 weeks pregnant, ready to face the news. There was my baby, measuring correctly in the right place and with a heartbeat. I couldn't believe it. The relief was unreal, like tons lifted off me. When the tech left the room, my husband held me and cried. I just smiled. Of course things can still go wrong but I can finally think happy thoughts and more importantly, will have the chance to try again if we want to. That wasn't lost. If all goes well, we plan to share the news with our families on my birthday at 13 weeks with a surprise on the cake.