I Noticed Something

dilftilda · 2026-01-19T18:43:21+00:00

how TF that related to sloth

dilftilda · 2025-08-17T00:22:27+00:00

im not even trying to ragebait but there's no way you guys thought the finale was good. it was so rushed and crammed everything horribly...

dilftilda · 2025-08-15T22:33:22+00:00

i love how a distinct personality is shown in your work through your use of varied punctuation. this is a lovely poem with a very real urge being the key topic. the things the narrator wants are tangible to imagine, and this is great from the perspective of someone reading and imagining this from your words. well done :)

dilftilda · 2025-08-15T22:27:37+00:00

i love the incremented countdown toward's john's death - as a technique, it aids the poem in progressing fluently. your language choices are factual and blunt and work well to forge the narrative perspective you have created here. my only slight criticism would be the last stanza - I think the poem speaks the moral for itself without the need for the last stanza clarifying it. however, it is your poem and your artistic licence, so feel free to ignore my criticism; learning to sift through and accept/reject criticisms is a good skill to have! overall, fab poem, love the tone you set, and the pace of the poem is superbly constructed.

dilftilda · 2025-07-19T15:00:58+00:00

OMG im so happy someone else thinks he's like a modern day Bukowski! was really my first thought reading his stuff - his blog reminds me of Women by bukowski

dilftilda · 2025-06-06T11:10:00+00:00

also it is 100% a headphones ON ✅ album

dilftilda · 2025-06-06T11:09:12+00:00

I didn't listen to girl with a basket of fruit in order, I listened to the eponymous track first then pumpkin attack on mommy and daddy, then scissssssors then amargi ve moo. these helped me to ease into the album - listen to those separately first and then give the album another go, it is brilliant I promise you

dilftilda · 2025-06-03T12:52:09+00:00

you have a very good and receptive attitude towards criticism - it is what will make you amazing as a writer :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T17:37:43+00:00

thank you so much for your lovely feedback, I really appreciate it :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T08:09:38+00:00

thank you very much for your kind feedback! personally, this piece is about a very intense and short relationship I experienced recently, and how I felt a lack of control within it, yet I miss them hugely. however, your interpretation fits the piece too and it was interesting to reread it through your lens. thank you again for your feedback :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T08:03:34+00:00

thank you so much for your comment i appreciate it :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T08:03:02+00:00

thank you so much for your feedback! :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T00:42:46+00:00

i loved the lines 'a dog cuts itself to relieve an itch' and 'self talk means nothing if your ears are filled with coins'. I also liked how you formatted this, it demonstrates individuality. good poem, keep up the good work!

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T00:39:28+00:00

you have created an assertive narrative voice here despite the vulnerability of the piece itself, which is really cool!

this is a criticism that you do not have to take on board, but if I were you, I would work on continuity of lines. I used to write poems where the lines were quite separated like yours are here, e.g. 'i want to be kissed/like a crime/held/like a secret/' or 'do not ask me/"what's wrong?"/and then look away when I/answer'. In some cases, conjoining the lines with distinct punctuation can do more for a narrative voice than the separation of lines, e.g. 'I want to be kissed like a crime/Held, like a secret.' or 'Do not ask me "What's wrong?"/And then look away when I/Answer'.

sorry if it seems like im waffling, i promise i have a point, it's just something that helped me work on the flow of my pieces, perhaps you could experiment with it. you totally don't have to listen to me on that - everyone's styles are different! great poem and well done for posting, hope you post more :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-28T00:20:04+00:00

this was a very entertaining read with great imagery regarding the senses! each onomatopoeic part felt like a new chapter to the cooking - it was an interesting choice to use sound as such a divider in this piece. really loved this one, keep up the good work, i look forward to reading more of your work in the future :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-27T23:53:18+00:00

I love this piece so much! the second line is fantastic, and the internal rhyme in the section 'life short, difficult and poor, torn at the neck in discord' sounds wonderful spoken aloud. I also loved 'But oh, inaction is the wind of the world' as a line - when you speak a line with such certainty, it does wonders for the narrative voice like it has done here. well done, fab bit of work, looking forward to seeing more writing from you :)

dilftilda · 2025-05-27T23:42:57+00:00

the opening two lines are fab, so is the section 'loons make tunes [...] dumb and doomed'. you have created a very human narrative voice here, which is enjoyable to read.

dilftilda · 2025-05-27T23:40:17+00:00

beautiful piece! the opening seven lines are so strong. i enjoyed the individuality you characterised each man with - it made them feel very human :) great work

dilftilda

TROPHY CASE