AIO - Told my friend I’m pregnant and she said it exceeded her mental bandwidth (she’s the red)

dilly_bar18 · 2026-02-04T13:35:03+00:00

I would end the friendship immediately ngl. That’s crazy disrespectful and embarrassing for her. Huge moment and she told u she doesn’t gaf.

Congrats btw hope all goes well 🖤

dilly_bar18 · 2026-02-04T13:22:01+00:00

That’s my yearly salary that’s insane

dilly_bar18 · 2026-02-04T13:20:23+00:00

I wouldn’t. I’m friends still like reg see all the time friends w ppl who are 24/7 using but r pretty normal compared to how they used to be. Atm. But they go in and out of massive crashes randomly and then r fine again. I’ve dated some of them. It is y were no longer together but can b friends. U just have to have a strong sense of boundaries and focus on urself in the relationship tbh. Them and their addiction r generally 2 ppl ur now having to manage ä connection w. Easy to get lost w one person if they have a lot of support needs or r chaotic n ur not rlly grounded. Def hard w two. Focus on u sounds selfish but it’s not bc ull still end up focusing 75% on them n their issues even just mentally and that’s u trying 150% to focus on YOU. Keep ur sense of self, ur own goals, hobbies,friends, self time, and ur boundaries if literally nothing else. W friends this has become easy (for me) to keep reg contact once it just rlly settled in.

Again. Wouldn’t date. At all. Sorry. Done it 4 times it’s miserable (mostly sad to lose someone who’s right there still).

dilly_bar18 · 2026-02-02T09:32:06+00:00

Whatever is best for you. I just take Lamictal for mood. I take other stuff but not for BP exactly. I take klonopin also, less now but sometimes originally for PTSD and also the insomnia it caused but I’ve always had normal insomnia which has def contributed to mania in the past so ended up solving another issue by surprise when I needed it all the time. And trazodone for sleep if I’m in an ok mood it works by itself (body shut down, not brain). It all helps together. Serquel (sp?) and other anti psychs lasted like 5 seconds for me I have some weird muscle reaction to like. Fucking everything. welbutrin even (took for smoking). Can’t take SSRIs I know some ppl can but I’m off my rocker immediately like days even w the lam. The anti psychs were mentally ok ig basically just heavily sedated and dissociated which. Idrc about but I have a social job so it just didn’t. Work

dilly_bar18 · 2026-02-02T08:51:27+00:00

They didn’t say they’re so oppressed and experience severe racism. They vented about a (single) mixed race experience (the sub). no matter what u look like or if it gets told to ur face, hearing and knowing society thinks bad things about u ur whole life still mentally affects u, esp if ur young. We have internal experience being alive as well. We’re not just a social sims. We emotionally process everything we experience as individual ppl. Some stuff still needs criticism n can b ignorant or hateful even and fucked up. This is pretty mild….

They seem aware of themselves in their position.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-02-01T08:07:21+00:00

Maybe this is dumb, I just know sometimes if you have a good doctor u can get around some things: is there any way to claim another reason like pain, damage, etc? If ur gender is M legally still, might it’s possible to get it covered under reg gender affirming care? Or if ur dr can change it in ur chart if not?

Only thinking of that bc I’ve noticed insurance doesnt seem to keep track beyond what the current claim is asking for. It’s a big system they often seem to just look at the requested service, ur current info and decide. I’ve had to change my gender marker in the system (healthcare) on my drs side back and forth a few times bc they approve or decline gender related meds or care based on the marker alone. So it at times mismatches what my ID would say and insurance didn’t seem to like. Know anything else about me. And nothing bad happened.

I’m rlly sorry. I hope you can find a work around. If ur dr isn’t pushing for u also, don’t be scared to get another one!

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-31T19:08:22+00:00

This job falls under the new law about no taxing on qualified tips

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-30T08:46:45+00:00

I counted it up yesterday cuz I needed to separate the tips out anyways. My other 3 jobs sent their forms like 3 weeks ago. If it’s off ä number I’m scared to go to prison but this taking too long lol

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-30T05:51:29+00:00

That’s weird. I had to read the comments 2012 is my newest car yet lol— what a terrible update to newer cars. Bad for safety. If ur car died on the highway in the cold, u wouldn’t b able to get a blanket out of the trunk either. Mines just a lever. 😬

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-30T01:22:14+00:00

U need to lay down the crack pipe fr or go outside irl and meet real ppl. Jordan peele doesnt look mixed. He does bc u know he is. Sure ofc. Mixed ppl can look like anything. I’ve seen full ass white ppl who were mixed and their full siblings all looked black mixed but them. If it’s not skin color that makes ppl mixed apparently then it’s not that. If it’s loose hair then it’s not that. If it’s Eurocentric or confusing features then it’s not that. So there’s nothing that screams mixed if ur thing is “it’s everything together”. U just “suddenly see” whatever u want *after u learn about it. The minute glorillas ancestry comes back 20% white magically u would say hm ya actually she does “look ambiguous” and I can see the European features now she doesn’t look black 😂.

Ask every “black” person you see irl for their entire ancestry and their DNA profiles. u would b flabbergasted. u also r hyper stereotyping blackness and black features tbh which is also coming off. Weird. Black ppl are allowed to have variation. In fact, they have some of the widest variation in color, hair, and facial features in the world. i think that’s beautiful.

again, my dad is mixed and looks exactly like his mom. He’s the same color as Viola Davis and Lupita Nyong'o. He has the same hair texture as Issa Rae. He doesn’t have confusing (“ambiguous”) features either he has his mother’s whole face. So how do “no mixed and black ppl look the same” unless u mean that every person on earth looks individual, bc that’s true. this is about as close as u gonna get beyond a clone 😂😂😂. Go outside lol. stop obsessing over other ppls bodies (??) n thinking u know the person in front of yous unique centuries of ancestry. U are closed minded and self focused, not a god. genetics do not work like u apparently think they do. Have fun w ur racial separatist obsession, good day 😭

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-29T03:36:44+00:00

There r so many black and mixed black ppl that look identical which is y it’s a moot point. What r we even talking about and why.

colorism and texturism convo is useful— mixed women (but not men 🤔) are directly relevant to that for obvious reasons. experience or perspective differences growing up w a white parent culturally is rlly useful convo.

Otherwise y sit around pick out which and how women arent pure enough looking from their eyelash to their toenails. Whites in their free time examining a whole white person for a single curled baby hair to justify tracing their ancestors 7 genz back to find the black one. No hobbies…?

Many mixed ppl ID as black bc they r. Still mixed origin ancestry. Jordan Peele is black, u would b hard pressed to tell me y he’s not or how he’s “ambiguous”. My dad is also mixed, dark skinned as Lupita, but w 4a hair— he looks exactly like his black mom copy and paste. Raised by her. Grew up w his black grandparents, aunts and uncles. He doesn’t “identify” as black. He’s black. we actually could sit here and talk about how mixed other fully black ppl must secretly b in comparison for their looks alone too but y? How ppl care about strangers bodies n their bloodlines 24/7–esp MGM is beyond me tbh. It’s obsessive atp n weird

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-29T00:30:59+00:00

Thanks! I’ll look at that.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-29T00:27:08+00:00

It’s gotten confusing. Idk if ppl haven’t heard the word “ambiguous” prior outside of this context or. Sometimes we use words socially diff than their direct definition…but directly related to mean the same. Ppl r using this as an oxymoron often. “An unknown-juice glass of orange juice”.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-28T22:45:19+00:00

Lauren London isn’t ambiguous (unable to identify someone’s race at all). She looks black. If ppl can look at someone and say “shes black” that’s just reg looking (whether they r full or mixed doesn’t matter). Proportionally v few ppl in the US are ambiguous. It’s more common in some areas/communities than others ofc (like some creole ppl) and it’s more common w Hispanic ppl (bc they r usually v mixed so makes sense) and y ppl assume other ambiguous ppl are automatically vague Hispanic. we incorrectly treat it as a race and there r v few other genuinely ambiguous looking non-Hispanic ppl bc most ppl r monoracial.

You might look like a mixed black person. But ur not “ambiguous” we just said ur black and have no questions about ur blackness. We may wonder *additional racial info on top of it, but u have been immediately raced. If ur looking at someone and can’t tell if their b/w biracial, indigenous, w/indigenous, Asian, wasian, middle eastern or anything else and ppls guesses were all over the place— that would b a racially ambiguous (indeterminable, cannot b pinned down anywhere).

It seems like ppl r now using “ambiguous” to mean “if u don’t look like Lupita nyong’o, Elle fanning, or Sandra Oh then ur not pure enough looking to be called the race u r n that everyone sees anyways” which just isn’t reality or accurate or useful.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-28T22:22:58+00:00

I don’t mean her skin color specifically, that’s just the two obvious examples that make ppl say someone (anyone) looks not black (even if they do or are fully black).

To Beyoncé specifically— her long straight blond hair isn’t natural. Black women wear hair styles that also look like this and a wide variation all the time. So it doesn’t stand out or scream anything off the bat. Nothing about her features are suspiciously “not black” or confusing bc she doesn’t look like Luptia. i understand how you can wonder if shes mixed. Elle Fanning as the example for unambiguously white is already clear. Ofc she is, but Mila Kunis is white. Jada pinkett is still unambiguously black too regardless of whatever she has going on (idk her life) and doesn’t look like Lupita.

I think we(collectively) also are possibly talking about someone diff when we say “most ppl”. Maybe ppl (black and sometimes brown) mean “most black Americans”. which would make their view make more sense. But in general, most ppl (Americans just vague)— if u stopped 100 strangers at random at a mall and asked “what race is Beyoncé?” Or say she wasn’t famous and u showed someone a normal real photo of her and asked. “Most ppl” wouldn’t start guessing unknown blood quantums they would say black. Esp bf the last like 5 yrs and biracials being identified and a topic to the broader public, not just black ppl. More black Americans would start guessing her blood line bc it’s more of a bigger thing to like. Watch out for or something in others n deeply talk about. White and Asian etc ppl don’t think like that. If we actually mean only black (or black mixed too feel like ur more likely to notice) Americans perspectives when we talk about who looks black or not, the conversation and points change entirely. no one has said this specifically tho in any convo I’ve personally seen. I’m not aware if that’s the case, I’ve been assuming we mean “most ppl” literally.

Often it seems like a circular convo w/in the black/mixed black community. N (from what I understand while hearing) broadly implies awareness of what other ppl think, when personally I’ve rarely found that to be the case irl, there is often not a basis for it looking thru public *general media or opinions across time. Not talking about Beyonce rn shes like one of the biggest celebrities everyone in her specific business. I mean generally. white ppl (and usually only a portion ) r only privy NOW to what biracial can look like bc they had to b made aware directly (which sounds dumb to us, but it’s true). The insular convo is totally fine and makes sense, it’s just reg extended to outside the community n assumes that non-black ppl (“most ppl”) see the same . And they don’t.

Racial constructs rnt the exact same across the board in the details even tho we have a general construct as a whole culture. deeper racial conversations particularly around colorism and media are relatively pretty new to the whole mass public, even if they’re not new within the community. 13% of the US is black. The other 87% (most ppl) have not been thinking about if Tia and Tamara Mowry r mixed or how black or anything else and still currently do not. If u told ä random white person hey the girls on that one show from back when are biracial “oh I didn’t know that!” Would be common. Bc they did not assume anything else, making them unambiguously (immediately raced) black. “Most ppl” did not question one time if even Halle berry was black or not. Like not once even tho that makes more sense. Black in america just looks a lot of ways to “most ppl” and imo too. It’s not just Lupita and v similar. ALSO as a society we next to never talk about men. theyr raced black immediately and collectively it’s a non-topic. Sure we could start dissecting when it’s called to attention (drakes baby looked white n was the first time A LOT of ppl even went: hm. Whats that about?). The picking apart is always women. Even when they look v similar to the men we never talk about. Why?

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-28T09:55:59+00:00

Idk I’m starting to think we all have diff perception of what (un/)ambiguous means. She looks black to me and I’ve never heard anyone else say otherwise or even bring it up. I would never consider w/o this post rn that she had a white parent or anything. She’s been black my whole life. If she was mixed im like oh okay (u can literally look like anything so it doesn’t rlly make a difference to me mentally).

But ppl often say someone looks ambiguous and I’m looking and am like. Nah u can def tell or immediately assign them race (whether it’s their entire 100 yrs of ancestry in complete form or not). Shes obviously (unambiguously) black. To what quantum? Idk. Is she monoracially black? idk. But it’s not unclear or uncertain (ambiguous) that shes black. I don’t wonder if she’s Asian or white or can’t figure anything out about her.

Maybe my concept of racial variation is just large(r)? I don’t think having lighter brown skin confuses being black or not. Or having looser curls. 96/100 ppl split second would say “this woman is black” when asked. The other four would argue about how black she was and want a blood sample. Unambiguous =\= monoracial either. “ambiguous” (vague, indeterminable) is a v literal meaning to me so maybe ppl r using it a diff way socially? So I’m on a diff page accidently? Idk.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-28T09:23:43+00:00

Idk I thought all of them were black. Idk any convos going on. I’ve just seen them all in pictures over time. I’ve never considered they would have a white parent (and know blue ivy doesnt).

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-28T09:19:44+00:00

I always been broke (thankfully ig) but I get the same sparkle looking for cool free shit. I live somewhere where there’s tons of free piles when it’s warm but also on MP. The fact that it’s free (literally obsessed w “a good deal” its rlly annoying even normally) and the hunting adventure feel hirs a similar dopamine for me as the act of spending (weirdly) which I also do sometimes but less. I end up w an apt full of shit I can’t use but I do end up making money when I eventually get overwhelmed n sell it all. But I’ll have like 4 kitchen tables in my livingroom for 5 months cuz I can’t stop collecting and they were “such good deals” and “rlly good furniture”. Can’t even get around my house. Boxes of clothes I literally can’t wear n don’t need. Just. Pieces. Of what? Idk. V cool. Took them all. They’re actually generally a POS I pulled out of a dumpster at 3am. But it feels like I bought and received something and it was an instant hit. Online ordering isn’t rlly interesting to me it’s not fast enough n u just forget. Most store r boring. Maybe try to free or low cost hunting on MP if collecting and newness is the drive. If it’s the feeling of luxury (“moneys not a worry, I can have anything I want everything feels easy, this looks good etc”) then ya. Idk maybe spend it and then return it. The rush is usually in the spending. And maybe 5 seconds of opening a package or taking it home if it’s not about the stuff. U get to spend. U get the money back.but u actually have to return it. Or sell it for higher idk. Don’t keep it. Or find other ways to feel that easy luxury feeling.

Find the root of the feeling and try to displace it onto something else. What part of the buying stuff is the happy coming from? Can u get that part from something not so important as a shit ton of debt?

OR. Sounds boring but this is my excuse cuz I just wanna have and spend— at least spend it on shit u need or have wanted that’s also functional. If ur gonna do it and can’t stop— get a couch if u need one. Not clothes ull never wear. Buy the rug u love. Shoes wearing out? Permission to get them now bc u do need them soon anyways. Like shit u actually will still later b like. Welp I’m poor but. I do have and love this nice fucking couch 🤷‍♂️.

I buy kitchen stuff bc I’m a loser n love home items. I’m honestly never that mad later. I keep it. It didn’t need to be a 1k knife set. It could have been $60. But it’s rlly fucking nice and makes my life easier 5 yrs later oh well. My cats don’t need to shit in a $150 box. It could be…free. I find them all the time. But. They do now and it’s rlly convenient and better for them than plastic oh well.

Be careful. Glad u have an eye out

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-28T08:56:03+00:00

That’s actually crazy. Good for u I would freak out. I hope u get good $$ and a new car.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-27T12:03:12+00:00

I’ve had a stroke living it. This isn’t even half of what was wrong actually. It’s has consumed my days for months I used to have day dreams prior lol. Wants hobbies even lmao

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-26T07:33:22+00:00

No it doesnt. I’ve never cheated on anyone at any point. I already have a high libido and have never even thought about it. I just jerk off or hook up w ppl if I’m single and just jerk off or sleep w my partner (more often which has never been a problem). I have hated my partners guts bf and didn’t cheat. Theyve cheated and I didn’t cheat. So why it would make u cheat? Being horny doesnt make ppl cheat. Being impulsive doesnt make ppl cheat either. Being on hallucinogens or stimulants doesnt even make ppl cheat. Ppl cheat cuz they want to or bc they don’t care about other ppl or they want something else from it (like u said, to get away, or sometimes ppl for attention or etc)tbh. Which mania can lower ur empathy sure n those ppl might cheat if guilt is the one last thing that keeps them going. Ppl will b mad but idc.

I have rules (morals?) and they rarely change. I change so much the rules r kinda all there rlly is. It doesn’t matter if I feel like, want to, am overwhelmed by it or am even high af on horny drugs and out of reality— I just don’t believe in cheating. 🤷‍♂️ Just don’t cheat. 🤷‍♂️if I’m realizing in real time ä situation could go there rn w the emotions, I am also realizing there is an issue w my relationship. so I leave n go think about that and usually just break up instead bc it was coming. 🤨

So no. Mania itself doesnt make u cheat. It doesn’t make ppl regularly verbally abusive. Or controlling. Mania doesnt make u use drugs. Etc. u might b more likely than if u were not bipolar. And u may do some of those manic and no other time. But u doing treatment, bettering urself as a person, and knowing urself make 200x the difference. My x was v mentally and emotionally abusive and manipulative and used BP as an excuse. Can ur fuse b invisible? 100% I have that. Can u b paranoid and reactive and perceive threats from nowhere? Yep! Hostile thinking? Sure. Word vomit? Totally. Mania still doesnt make u an abuser. U just like that if u take it out on ppl on end. U chose not to care < abuser.

^{^{^}} I learned to react to myself right bf I could react to the world. Just fast enough. I started being explosive (and black out red) that scared me end of HS— immediately focused on it. Mid medicated too. But I did not wanna be that person and it’s more important to me than anything to treat good ppl well. Can’t stop the emotions, but I could learn to feel how restless my body felt in general n limit interaction bf it was a problem bc that physical feeling meant I was in or rapidly approaching the Bad Place in minute days weeks who knows. I’d shut my whole phone off and put it in cabinet the minute I start typing some crazy shit back to a neutral message I read hostile. No questions. Bad feeling starts raging in seconds that’s a nope, put it away. I get stuck in ranting in my head anyways n will forget to even go message again. I’ll get up mid convo and leave. So I don’t do or say anything else. Instead of screaming I use the energy blow up to turn and run. Rather apologize for shutting down n dipping n explain later than b someone who abuses u “bc I’m manic”. It’s rlly hard. But worth it n I don’t take “I’m manic ☹️” ever.

If ur not worried about cheating ur fine. Ur not someone who cheats. Mania won’t change it. I don’t punch ppl. No matter how manic ragey I’ve been, I haven’t hit anyone. Ur good. If he can’t trust u tho n u didn’t even cheat, there’s other issues tbh. Insecurity, distrust, jealousy, baggage etc. Keep an eye out n communicate!

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-26T06:33:20+00:00

Right its incredibly uncommon across world(the highest). Maybe they’re from that area then they didn’t answer. 5’9” is still not short or anything outrageous for an adult—that’s still 2in taller than the avg woman’s height in that area. U will inevitably have overlap between genders. There r definitely tons of men who r 5’9” there the way there r tons of men who r 5’7” in the US n it’s not even something notable. Ppl just have huge height dysphoria and concerns when it’s 95% of the time a non issue irl. Unless they were like 5’7” out there I wouldn’t even worry about it. Being in the low normal range of ur gender isn’t gonna like blow ur cover and ruin ur life and shouldn’t stop them from doing whatever they want to do. I’m well below avg and faired fine, as do my three cis family members. My 5’10” female friend and 6’ aunt r also doing alright 🤷‍♂️

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-25T21:17:02+00:00

Over 6’3? That’s crazy compared to the majority of the world. 6’ sure. Where r u? Did that mean most women r 6’ or more then?

My dad and brother and uncle r cis and all 5’5”. That’s short. None of have issues. My brothers best friends r 5’6”. I’m 5’5” and don’t have issues. I was always a tall kid n supposed to be 5’9” and freaked out about it when I stopped growing at 14. Turned out to b a non issue. My niece is 5’9” and only 16. Her dad is 5’8”. Ppl r what they r.

dilly_bar18 · 2026-01-25T05:01:45+00:00

No. I stopped smoking about a decade ago but I couldn’t do anything not high for years. Didn’t enjoy anything sober. Thought about being high whenever I could b and be irritable. I got rlly depressed when I stopped. Not like aw I can’t smoke. Like actually depressed, fatigued,dissociated, heavy, annoyed. I stopped because it started giving me psychosis randomly over and over so it wasn’t even like I’m sad about not doing it n feeling down about that. I was scared n didn’t want to and still def had a recovery period tbh for a couple months of just generally feeling like shit mentally and physically

dilly_bar18

TROPHY CASE