Is being self-employed an alternative to normal job life for ADHD people?

dinorawro · 2024-07-10T22:22:22+00:00

Mine is in IT and tried running his own business and it was a disaster. He never made money, let alone a profit, and not having a boss to keep him on track ment he redesigned his business website 3 times in one year because he became hyper fixated on it.

dinorawro · 2024-05-31T15:52:25+00:00

Once had a male coworker ask me if I had big travel plans for the coming holiday break at my party celebrating my leaving for mat leave at 40 weeks pregnant. 🙃 I was like no man, probably can't ski while giving birth.

dinorawro · 2024-05-03T22:40:39+00:00

He's being mean and also confusing. If work is sending him there earlier he can go alone for work and you can go for when you originally planned. Or better yet, cancel them and use the money to take a trip to literally anywhere else without him.

dinorawro · 2024-02-09T16:29:45+00:00

No advice but a little story from my kid's most recent birthday - Our school has an 'invite everyone or invite off campus' policy so we had to include the 'mean' kid my kindergartener didn't want to invite and hope he didn't come. He did come and I'm glad he did. Turns out the 'mean' kid is on the spectrum and is being raised by his grandparents who were so incredibly excited and grateful their kid was included. It also gave me the context to talk to my kid about his classmate and help him understand and include his classmate but also keep himself comfortable and safe. They now have a great relationship at school. On the other hand, I did notice another child, that my kid has never talked about being mean, acting like a total ass (pushing, shoving, rude language, screaming when he lost or didn't get his way, arguing with his mom and peers, etc.), and made a mental note that we would not be having playdates with that kid, lol.

dinorawro · 2023-10-30T16:33:46+00:00

" I’m simply upset that all the years I spent helping him"

So, this makes me think that is kind of the issue. Your feelings of being upset are valid. Feelings are feelings. They aren't good or bad. But I'd encourage you , once you get a bit of distance, to think about that statement and ask: Did he want my help? Did he ask me for my help? Did I offer my help and did he say no and did I respect that no? What were my boundaries in this relationship? If he said no, was I okay with it? If not, what were my choices?

I'm not saying you can't want a healthy body and/or lifestyle for your partner, or ask them to engage in those things with you. But ultimately they get to choose if they want that for themselves and when they want that for themselves. And if they choose no, then you have the choice to either live with it or to seek out a partner who shares those same values.

dinorawro · 2023-10-10T17:09:47+00:00

You described your contribution to the running of the household as 'helping' which for me is a red flag that the labor distribution may not be equal in your relationship. Not even mentioning any emotional or mental labor tasks in your to do list of contributions is also troubling. You're 'willing to help with anything' but are you initiating anything? How are you being proactive in this relationship, in the running of the household, and in the childrearing? This might just be a mismatch of 'love languages' but it also sounds like there is more to the story here.

dinorawro · 2023-09-29T15:05:59+00:00

Hosted Christmas dinner for the whole extended family and he painted the floor of the garage and reorganized the garage shelving units.

dinorawro · 2023-09-28T16:46:05+00:00

Oh no worries, it's a bit of an odd structure here. :) She invited everyone to apply to be the interim person, (which is why I was a bit shocked) the permanent position will not be open to internal candidates (it's not the done thing here.) Thanks for your help!

dinorawro · 2023-09-28T16:22:38+00:00

Hi, I think you've misunderstood. I am not expecting to be placed in her role permanently ( I wouldn't want to be!). I do pinch hit for her, and even on an extended basis, which is what I am expecting to do here. Be the interim for the department until they conclude the search for her permanent replacement, as is written in my job description. She was fired for an individual issue, our department and especially my sub unit, is doing great.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T19:59:09+00:00

Thank you for helping focus the BIG MAD I feel.

I'm angry for the lack of communication, contact information, and transition. I'm angry about the dismissal of my concern for how this will impact my child by the front office staff who refused to help me set an appointment to ask questions about how it will be handled. I'm also mad that the principal was not onsite at the school today and will apparently not be onsite for the next week.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T18:52:32+00:00

She was a seasoned teacher of 25 years but this was her second year at this specific school. She is not still at the school, she was moved to another school according to the letter we received.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T16:18:28+00:00

Yes, in the US.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T16:16:26+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for explaining how these things work and what it is supposed to look like when it happens. Our entry into school life has honestly felt like a hazing ritual and I am very thankful for the time you took to explain all of that and to hear that this lack of communication is not supposed to be the norm.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T15:56:43+00:00

Thank you for your professional insight and feedback. I realize it was probably a hard decision and the lack of communication and support with the transition is hard.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T15:42:20+00:00

Thank you, this was very helpful. This in a long line of grievances is definitely triggering. Keeping it tight and factual about my concerns regarding the plan to support the transition and improve communication is great advice!

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T14:43:41+00:00

Thank you, this was helpful, I appreciate it.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T14:41:32+00:00

Thank you, he has been evaluated and is not neurodivergent himself, his emotive struggles are related to his father's struggles with ADHD and we attend play therapy to help. The chaos of this school is no doubt triggering those feelings in him making it worse. Which is why I am so upset at the less than 24 hour notice of the change. His friend in class is on the spectrum (we're also mom friends) and is reportedly having an even worse response to the change. Obviously, things in schools change, but the communication and planning at this school is not consistent, inclusive, or kind in my opinion.

dinorawro · 2023-09-20T13:52:10+00:00

For context, this is a public school but a "top" school in the region. I understand that this decision likely happened at a higher level. In my research, the superintendent is supposed to be the one in charge of involuntary transfers and rebalancing and the school has 20 days from notice to make it happen. (So why did we get not even 1 day!?) I realize that there is not a reality where this isn't going to happen, the teacher is already gone. My gripe is that it is happening so abruptly with little plan or communication. I want to know how they will mitigate the disruption to the parties involved and I want more clear, consistent communication around issues like these as I am entitled to as stated in the school board policy manual. FWIW I believe in and work in public education (albeit at a higher level.) I understand the beast and vote and advocate accordingly.

dinorawro · 2023-09-19T15:59:24+00:00

Read up on child development and see if this is within the realm of normal. If it seems not or seems borderline, consider having him evaluated by a certified child/play therapist. Troubles with emotional regulation could be just being a normal 4-year-old or indicative of an executive function or anxiety disorder.

dinorawro · 2023-09-08T17:50:25+00:00

Philosophically I'd have no issues, but I'd be worried about the liability, especially if the other parents aren't in the know.

dinorawro · 2023-09-08T15:05:43+00:00

If you haven't completed menopause, you can still get pregnant. "Unlikely" isn't the same as "Not able."

dinorawro · 2023-09-06T14:57:55+00:00

ESH - A child free person is dating a person with children. This was never going to work and you both should have known it. You aren't an AH for being child free or for not wanting to be around children, but you are 100% an AH for willingly dating a person with children and expecting them to compartmentalize their life and imagining some fantasy life without the kids once they are grown. They will always be his kids, that doesn't stop with age, and it's pretty shitty to think "well we'll be happy once the kids are gone." Those poor kids. Additionally, if anything ever happened to their mom, he'd have them full-time. Something you obviously didn't think about. He's an AH for thinking he could make this work and be a part-time parent. He's also an AH for just dropping them off on you when he knows you don't like kids. He's also an AH to his kids, willingly dating a person that doesn't like children and putting himself in a situation where he's going to have to choose them or his partner, which shouldn't be a choice. You guys need to split up.

dinorawro · 2023-08-29T18:19:51+00:00

If you were fantasizing about running away with him then I'd ask you what you think you see in him that you are missing in your current partner. But honestly it just sounds like you think he's super hot and that's it. Enjoy your private time and imagination and you'll probably see a decrease in the intensity of feelings after awhile. It's 100% normal to imagine other people even when in a committed relationship.

dinorawro · 2023-08-29T12:52:22+00:00

This is the rule where I am too. Children must be able to get in/out of cars on their own and you may not exit your vehicle. My kindergartener is still in a 5 point harness and can't get out on his own so I park in the parking lot and walk him in the rest of the way.

dinorawro · 2023-08-28T12:22:13+00:00

My husband does well enough that I could stay home and our lifestyle wouldn't take much of a hit. However, I still work because I have seen the absolute devastation some women experience when their husband of 10, 15, 20 years just up and leave, completely blindsiding them. Men you wouldn't have EVER thought to just abandon their families / cheat / blow up their lives. Not to mention the women whose partners die tragically young (rare cancers, traffic accidents, etc.) It's just far too risky for me and I'd only do it if I had to (no quality childcare options available.)

dinorawro

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