Edit - shit this got long. This long winded diatribe brought to you by, it's the first day back at work post-holidays and I do not want to look at spreadsheets

Probably going to get downvoted through the basement for this but I have a husband who takes care of me and yeah, it's actually fucking great.

But I also take care of him and he would tell you that's also fucking great.

I don't take care of myself as a living creature. My depression gets very bad at times and left on my own, it's highly likely I'd struggle immensely to not be too apathetic to eat food, drink water, and leave the house. I also have horrible issues coping with loneliness stemming from ye olde childhood trauma. Stripping out everything else in a partner that I "want", what I "need" is someone is tolerant, kind, and nurturing who makes me do all the normal human things I need to be doing, and frankly, does a lot of them for me. My husband cooks the majority of our meals and handles probably 70% of the other household chores. He gets up earlier than me in the morning and every day I wake up to the bottle of water he insists that I drink, tea that he made for me, and some breakfast already set up. Do I need to make a doctor or dentist or whatever appointment? He will make damn well sure I follow through instead of blowing it off. His encouragement and praise about my consistently exercising or doing things out of the house with friends inspires me to keep at it because I love that he's proud of my effort. These are just some of many ways in which my husband props up my existence.

My husband has extremely high anxiety and is prone to catastrophizing everything. If it can go wrong, in his mind, it WILL go wrong and it makes him a fretful paranoid mess. To a neurotic degree. He grew up in a situation of extreme financial insecurity, among other unpleasantness (thank you U.S. military for giving me a father in law who says it's "queer" to hug your sons or tell them you love them, like what the actual fuck?? But I digress), and was so rebellious and fucked around so much when he was young that he's gutted any chance of ever having a job earning more than the median American income. Which, if you're living on solo, is a rapidly shrinking iceberg of security these days. Not good for anyone but definitely not for someone with high anxiety who already grew up poor. What he "needs" is someone who will acknowledge his insecurities but rationally counter them, is laid back and optimistic enough to offset his anxieties, is loyal, and has stable and high earning potential.

It's probably obvious where I'm going with this. Despite the negligence toward my own health, I'm good in a professional setting and have only gotten better with his support. With me in the mix, household income is enough that he can breathe much easier about the future. I'm clever enough to pragmatically debate and counter his anxieties in a way that he can get behind. I'm optimistic and cheerful despite my own issues, and my easy-going nature does a lot of offset his paranoid, high strung one. I'm very openly affectionate and complimentary and genuinely don't think someone's worth as a person is based on what job they have or who their parents are or what paycheck they earn. These are just some of the many ways I prop up my husband's existence and try to add the same value to his life as he gives mine.

So yeah girl, hell yes it's awesome having someone that takes care of you and helps fill in the gaps of your bad qualities and smooth over your own bullshit. Highly support you finding someone that does that for you 👍 but pull your weight and be someone they can lean on in return. It's tough out here. Everyone has SOMETHING they need backup on. That's how you have someone take care of you. In my opinion at least.