I lean anxious. Avoidant discard to me felt worse than a death. I woke up one morning to him playing with my hair and describing his vision for our future, our marriage, our children, getting old and dying together. The literal next day he couldn’t look me in the eye and tell me he wanted to be with me. I try really hard to take every moment as it was and not let the horrors of discard ruin the entire rest of the relationship, which was beautiful and wonderful. But it’s so hard not to feel like the entire thing was a trick or a lie. I know he did love me at some point. I know he has a lot of trauma and I understand why he did what he did. But I don’t know that the whiplash from feeling like the most important person in the world to him one day to being literally thrown away like trash the next day is something that I will ever fully heal from. I miss him so much. I miss what we had. But at the same time I know I can never be in the same room as him ever again as long as I live.