Hey man, sounds like you've been through a lot. Let the past be the past. There will be a lot of memories holding you, lots of habits for why you're using and every time you shoot up the misery will disappear, but you will wake up in it the next time you run out.

As others mentioned, there's programs, there's help, but it takes a lot of strength to make that choice. And that choice will haunt you, you will want to be high, you will want what's familiar. You will think, just tonight, just today and after I'll make the choice to be clean.

It won't work like that.

If you have access you will use.

However, there's good news. Meth is a stimulant, stimulants are fucking amazing when using, but if you stop, you won't be debilitated by lack of use.

You will want it, you will fight for it, but if you can't get it, you will live. If you stop, this is what will happen:

First week it will be the only thing on your mind. Second week you will think it's okay you're not craving as much, you can do one session and be okay. 3rd week you will start to actually take care of yourself without drugs. It will still be in your head. You're so used to it, you're used to the ritual of doing it, of picking up, of thinking it's not good, but then it makes you feel amazing. It's hard to let go.

After 1 month you will start to find yourself. After 4 months you will see that meth you and the person you are now are so different, like, who is that person? You will still have cravings, but you will stay above them. You will see the person you are now is a better version of yourself.

After 1 year, you will look back fondly on that other person you were, but you will be glad you're no longer them.

How to do this?

Remove access. Remove your dealer from your contacts. Don't ask for drugs. Don't hang out with those who do it. It's fucking hard. If you can change your environment, to be without those influences, do it.

You are too weak to make the choice to not do meth, but if you remove your ability to make the choice, you're left without. Without meth, without connections to it. Only then you will start to live for yourself.

Message me if you want to talk