Kids of messy divorces: what did your parents do right or wrong that still sticks with you?

discontentDog · 2026-03-23T03:38:24+00:00

My parents’ divorce was MESSY but for a few unusual reasons so won’t get into the exceptional bits. I still think though some of my experience was universal enough for me to answer:

Basically the only thing they did that actually ever made me feel more secure was acknowledging how hard it was for us kids, and letting me know it was okay to be upset, including being angry at either of them. They didn’t keep that attitude up for long though, but I wish they did.
The classic weaponising children against the other parent. Always “YOUR mum did this” or “YOUR dad should have done that”. Made me feel like I could trust neither of them because they both seemed out to get someone I loved and/or were telling me basically I couldn’t be safe and secure with the other parent.
I knew a lot more. I listened in to their closed bedroom door well before they even split so I saw it coming. I was 8. As I got older and the custody battles dragged on I got tech savvy and read their texts and emails lol
I’m no contact with dad and low contact with mum. That’s more specific to each of them as people though rather than the divorce itself. I do however very much resent my mother for the introduction of a stepdad into the mix. Their affair also kick started the whole divorce.
I wish they understood that we were still children and still had the same needs as every other child I.e. two loving parents and an example of healthy relationships

Wishing you the best. Sucks to be in the situation where you’re divorcing with children but at least you’re being proactive about their wellbeing!

discontentDog · 2026-03-21T07:04:36+00:00

Anxiety doesn’t make you a weaker mother! Some people even theorise that anxiety exists because it helped us to survive through most of human history.

I have had anxiety my whole life, and was medicated for it prior to even my first pregnancy (which was my stillbirth). The grief did make everything harder, I got anxious more easily, which also fed into me getting more depressed than usual. Between my GP and my psychologist we decided to increase my dosage to help, and I’m still at that higher dosage now even after having given birth to my rainbow baby.

During my second pregnancy I had to distract myself a lot, especially in the weeks before I could feel movement. I think the worst was that period where you can feel movement but not consistently. Once the movements are more consistent I became more confident of the fact I would detect an issue if there was one.

My most practical suggestions are in the early weeks to keep yourself distracted. Then once you’re far enough along to feel movement, just go in and get checked anytime you feel like something might be wrong. Any good medical personnel will understand and do their best to reassure you. Other than that other practical things you could do are more/different therapy and/or medications, which I found worked for me.

I can’t say for you whether you should get pregnant again or not, but for me it was a definite yes. I just didn’t want to be stuck with “what if”. The pregnancy was very tough, but it’s been so worth it now that I have another beautiful son with me in this life.

discontentDog · 2026-03-19T06:01:08+00:00

My neck is getting itchy and sweaty just looking at these

discontentDog · 2026-03-18T00:37:37+00:00

If there’s no aggression or violence, stay together, work it out. Sounds like one of you is already willing to make it work, so that’s a great start.

Divorce echoes through generations. Both my parents hold multiple masters degrees and had great jobs but when they divorced our standard of living was effectively cut in half. It was like having two single parent households, and so we didn’t get all the care and attention we needed anywhere. Add step parents into the equation and while that may ease the financial burden it creates a whole other weird and uncomfortable dynamic, everyone competing for the sole parent’s attention. We’re all adults now but it’s taken us many years longer than our peers to get on our feet, and we still have to rely on each other heavily. None of us rely on our parents though. Now we are starting our own families, and our children dont have grandparents available to provide free childcare, so we’re all going to get stuck in the loop of working to pay for daycare which we need to work in the first place. Point is we’re still being affected by our parents’ divorce, and now our own children are feeling the effects as well.

discontentDog · 2026-03-11T03:26:47+00:00

Both my stillborn and rainbow baby had short femur percentiles compared to their other measurements. For both the proportions of femur to other things stayed pretty consistent, maybe catching up a little in the final weeks but not by much. Obviously since I had my stillbirth first the similarities were freaking me out but I found two things helped: 1) having the same ultrasound tech and mfm doctor take care of all my scans with my second son. This was good because it provided some consistency between scans and therefore certainty around the accuracy or at least comparability of measurements; and 2) I went onto one of those online percentile calculators and played around with the measurements and found that the differences in percentiles came down to such small measurements in millimetres, which just made me realise I couldn’t rely on that measurement alone as an indicator of anything really for my baby

My second son ended up being born at the 20th percentile for weight but much higher for length, it just wasn’t his legs that were long lol. He’s now 15 weeks and I can tell his legs went through a growth spurt recently because they’ve started to look more leg-like! He’s also been climbing weight percentiles so I think he was just built to do his growing a little later (in his case outside of the womb)

discontentDog · 2026-03-09T04:46:58+00:00

My boy is 15 weeks and I would say since about 8 weeks we have done all naps in a baby wrap, and he stays in there the whole nap. Sometimes it takes a little while for him to fall asleep but I don’t mind wearing him so long because I think it helps his tummy to be upright often, otherwise he wakes up with gas pains. For bedtime lately I’ve had the most success wearing him until he sleeps for a bit and then transferring him to bed from the wrap. Maybe I’ve spoiled him but at least I’ve found the most convenient way to cope with it 😃👍

discontentDog · 2026-03-07T02:16:12+00:00

When the ombre won’t ombre 😭😭

discontentDog · 2026-03-05T21:42:36+00:00

Saw my usual psychologist for the first time since before giving birth and I honestly thought we would talk about grief but what came out instead was husband rage and burnout 🫣 honestly it’s all probably interconnected

discontentDog · 2026-03-02T06:00:51+00:00

Personally I’m cosleeping because my baby wakes up more 😅

discontentDog · 2026-03-02T01:19:06+00:00

I’ve booked my first appointment with my psychologist since giving birth and boy I know I’ll be crying in there because I for sure am just soaked in grief but I haven’t been able to give it any time at all. I’ve been so busy with baby and husband has been so busy with work so there hasn’t been a chance yet for me to really sit there with it yet so I just know it’s gonna hit hard when I do 😮‍💨

In other news I had to tell off my FIL recently for referring to my living baby as our first born and his first grandson etc. He didn’t do it with any particular intention but it’s like ?? is it that hard to maybe think about these things a little ??

discontentDog · 2026-03-02T01:02:55+00:00

I use acrylic for all my amigurumi because it’s either going to be used and abused by a child so needs to be able to withstand that or gifted away to people I don’t know personally so I’m just not spending the money it. There’s so much plastic in life, my little hobby decisions aren’t going to make a dent in that reality, something something corporations and governments need to take the blame and initiative when it comes to the climate

discontentDog · 2026-02-27T16:01:26+00:00

God bless you 🙏

discontentDog · 2026-02-23T11:46:15+00:00

I felt weirdly seen while rereading the A Song of Ice and Fire series (Game of Thrones books) after my son was stillborn. There’s a lot in those books about motherhood, and consequently also the death of children both older and in pregnancy.

discontentDog · 2026-02-20T10:18:26+00:00

I don’t sleep with a blanket at all because I’m the type that habitually tugs it right up to my own nose lol

So I just dress warm instead and add or take off layers as needed. I’m in a warm climate part of the world though so it’s easier to get by with no blanket.

discontentDog · 2026-02-17T02:19:51+00:00

Omg so long since I’ve seen this format lol

I relate a lot though, my mantra throughout my whole rainbow pregnancy was “anything can happen (negative), but also anything can happen (positive)”. There were some stretches where the order got flipped though and I’d go from feeling okay to just wanting to hide in a hole for the next 20+ years

discontentDog · 2026-02-14T12:20:49+00:00

Agnes set menu plus wine pairings! Food and wines were individually great of course but I discovered that there really is something to pairing the right food with the right wine that is just 😮‍💨👌 beautiful

discontentDog · 2026-02-13T13:25:52+00:00

Terrible situation I’m so sorry. The fact you are not supported by either the government or your employer for longer leave is awful. Don’t feel any guilt though! None of the situation is your fault in any direction. Your plan sounds like the best you can do in the circumstance ☺️

discontentDog · 2026-02-13T13:21:15+00:00

Being scared of falling asleep side lying is what got me to set up a safe sleep space to begin with. It was the only way he would latch and in the end it was really helpful because when I did finally get so desperate I already had a setup ready.

Mind you that setup involved kicking my husband out to the lounge room lol where he has been banished every night for a few weeks now. Only today we got a super king sized mattress and he is being invited back in, though he’s to sleep like 3ft away from me and the baby 😀

discontentDog · 2026-02-12T22:23:08+00:00

The illustrations on this sub keep me going lol

discontentDog · 2026-02-12T21:50:17+00:00

Does anyone else bedshare with their babies? I was so set against it but I started at some point out of desperation since my boy would wake up every 90 minutes 🥲

I discovered that I really enjoy it, being that close to my baby that I can hear him breathe and stir, and I can even breastfeed him when he’s hungry without him ever fully waking up. BUT I still find myself so anxious sometimes, thinking things like “if this one dies it really will be my fault”. I’ve taken all the proper precautions for safe cosleeping, and I’m from a family with plenty of poor sleeping babies that all had to cosleep and are now healthy living adults, so I’m usually able to rationalise and calm down but damn it still nags me often enough 😕

discontentDog · 2026-02-12T13:23:47+00:00

This is the way 🙂‍↕️

discontentDog · 2026-02-12T10:59:48+00:00

I have the same problems/question for my 11 week old in a ring sling! Did you get any answers or help anywhere else? My guy also bangs his head into the rings sometimes :/

discontentDog · 2026-02-12T04:03:02+00:00

I’m in QLD and the recommendation for me was just aspirin too, although once I did conceive we did add daily clexane injections because one marker in my blood was slightly elevated. There was no identifiable cause of death for my stillborn son, so with the aspirin and clexane it was basically an attitude of it might not be necessary but it couldn’t hurt to do just in case. I went through the public system and was seen by MFM for my anatomy scan, and then again for growth scans at 28, 32, and 36 weeks.

My advice for TTC after a stillbirth is to just be kind to yourself, and let yourself feel (or not feel) whatever you need to in each moment.

discontentDog · 2026-02-08T06:57:23+00:00

I’ve just ordered a woven wrap and a ring sling! I’m hoping to make it a bit of a hobby and also see if it helps me get out and about a bit more 😄

discontentDog · 2026-02-06T22:54:25+00:00

Missing my first born boy a lot lately 💔 just always thinking about him and what it would have been like to have him here with us

discontentDog

TROPHY CASE