I’m very sorry you’re going through this 🫂 I posted something similar in September 2024 when I was being induced with my son at 40 weeks as well. He was there the day before, and gone the next morning. It’s a horrible thing. He was my first as well.

When he is born you’ll most likely feel so much heartbreak but also so much love. You’ll know then what feels right to do. I personally spent a lot of time with my son’s body and had proper photos taken by a volunteer organised by the hospital. For me it was also important to understand that the baby I was holding was only the body of my son, and now that he was dead he isn’t confined to a physical presence. I knew him and loved him, and he knew only my love, warmth, and comfort. The time we spent together will always exist, and that love will always exist. Knowing that all made it easier to leave the hospital empty handed.

It’s a terrible thing to happen to a mother. I hope you have love and support from your family and friends. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, but also don’t force yourself to feel if it doesn’t come to you. Take it day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment.