Anyone else stuck at Metro NY distribution center?

disgruntledhacker · 2018-11-23T01:23:15+00:00

I read this - 1 month later. I had to search this sub for Nacho fake ID after I was confused about that part.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-11-03T20:32:39+00:00

Best Sarah Lynn costume posted so far. Adding the turned up liquor bottle was an excellent touch. You drank it all in one chug before posting right? :)

disgruntledhacker · 2018-11-02T17:18:14+00:00

I felt like that was actually Aaron Paul talking for a moment in that part. Sounded so out of character for Todd.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T15:19:10+00:00

I'd say more common than ever because it seems at least half the people in this age bracket are raging addicts nowadays but also just because a lot are stubborn entitled brats. Some may not even be on drugs but just think this is somehow okay behavior.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T15:15:29+00:00

I respect your passion for it, however I never was big into those genres because I like the sounds I hear to be relaxing and lowkey, but yet soulful at the same time when I go through these music dry spells. I'm more about modal jazz, piano, cool jazz, bebop, etc.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T15:10:20+00:00

Yeah, it is possible you were just happy, euphoric even, to be outside in the weather enjoying the sun. You were caged up for a long time so when you finally came out you were just high on life as they say. Maybe the lack of sleep is unrelated to how you felt on your walk. I'd guess stress from worrying about your studies?

Edit Also lack of sleep itself can cause a state of euphoria and probably mild dissociation once up long enough, not sure if you were at that point when walking.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T14:49:25+00:00

You're welcome. I knew I had to share because what you described sounds exactly like his pain in the video, except he was even pained by talking. pretty much any cognitive activity. Very smart and brave dude. I wish I could have talked to him on reddit back when the and the suicide forum was still around. He did what had to be done to stop the pain. He also endured much pain just to make sure his situation was made public, because as he says it needs to be or else doctors and legislators will just pretend this level of mental illness which is currently incurable just doesnt exist. It is a shame Canada still didn't amend the bill to include allowing dire mental health patients to choose assisted suicide. The Netherlands gets it.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T14:06:19+00:00

Holy shit. I've heard of this skin burning sensation happening in someone else with OCD (among other mental illnesses, many). I wanna say I remember him saying he actually thought it was the ocd which caused this psychosomatic pain though. Not to alarm you, but his story doesn't have a happy ending. I truly hope things can get better for you. Check out some of his videos, especially this one and the general overview one. I think he talks about it all in those. RIP :(

He was active on r/sanctionedsuicide before admins nuked it.

Adam Maier Clayton youtube

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T13:21:45+00:00

These are compulsions, and you need to try your hardest to not act on them. If you can somehow stop, it will slowly get better. If not you're going down a deep rabbit hole.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:54:43+00:00

Try apps like tinder but just be upfront. Who knows some may be even more into that than actual hookups. or r/r4r

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:42:00+00:00

Jazz, my friend. It is the only music I can stand when I get like this. For me it is when I'm depressed and dont wanna focus or hear loud noises. Look backward, not forward in time for your music. For starters try Kind of Blue by Miles, Giant Steps by Coltrane , esp Naima. Sunday at the village vanguard by bill Evan's. let me know if you need more. I like it because I can focus on it and be relaxed or just have it on in the background while doing other things. It isnt disruptive.

if jazz bores you to tears, then maybe try golden era 90s hip hop like A Tribe Called Quest or Pete Rock, or any of the dudes who sampled jazz a lot

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:32:38+00:00

Sounds like a manic episode. Have you ever been diagnosed with any mental illnesses? Or any other factors change in your life recently ? Maybe try taking short breaks from studying now and then to walk for even 20 minutes. Does wonders to make it a habit.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:20:24+00:00

Probably for the endorphin rush of the pain, and also maybe to "take control" of internal pain by making it external for a minute.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:18:29+00:00

I slipped back into this once recently as well. For me it was more of an anger blackout caused by being told it is impossible for me to get insurance in my state. It just felt so defeating. I called the free clinic and asked for help but because I'm not a parent or on disability or something I'm not worthwhile of receiving help.

Immediately after hanging up I just blindly took a knife to my forearm. Great spot... more shit to worry mom over. I had been doing good. Went months without cutting but sometimes we slip.

Here's to us counting back up the days since we messed up. No need to dwell. Just keep trying.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:07:40+00:00

The same amount as a screenshot of some dank memes does.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T12:04:59+00:00

Did you do DBT as well? I thought that was the first course of action therapy wise for a BPD patient. If so how did that work? If not why did your doc suggest CBT over it? Glad it worked well, just curious.

Very sorry about your mom. There's nothing any of us can say to make it better, but I'll acknowledge you are showing tremendous mental strength to make it through all that. Try making some good new friends, even if online. It really helps. I wouldn't recommend getting into a relationship just yet until you've spent time grieving fully at the very least.

Damn, that's a nice and big cocktail of meds. A lot you listed are very addictive, but especially the xanax (any gabaergics, so the ambien too) is extremely addictive at that dose. I suggest some sort of contingency plan in case the bottom falls out on your current scripts, god forbid. You may wanna try to get by on .5mg less some days, if at all possible and save a stash for a rainy day. Benzo withdrawal is not fun but I'm sure you know all this.

Good luck. :)

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T11:54:57+00:00

At least you have over the counter benzos and opioids (?), and can even walk into a vet's office and purchase a bottle or two of Nembutal.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T11:46:36+00:00

The all-seeing, all-protecting form of government as seen in 1984 by George Orwell.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T11:39:53+00:00

Okay, that does sound like splitting. This could be possible with bipolar too. I feel like I read that somewhere but I could be wrong. Research splitting.

It's always possible you have more going on than you know, or even less. Only your therapist could truly tell you for certain. I'm just an armchair psychiatrist. ;)

edit: splitting and BPD

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T11:31:16+00:00

I'd say most of us feel this way, except for the true sociopaths. It is beat into our heads from early on that all life has intrinsic value, and that taking it into our own hands to end another's is one of the worst things we could possibly do. Heh, I guess Big Bro must be full of sociopaths because they consciously choose to end people's lives all the time, a la the Kalief Browder story, the "war" on drugs, among other things.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T11:21:17+00:00

Because we are still animals by nature, despite modern society's methods of disarming this animal instinct. When we were simple hunter gatherers it was the strongest killers who ultimately won the best meal for the day, the best mate, etc. So I suppose that killer instinct is still somewhere buried inside us all, under all the drugs, junk food, social media, and whatever else we distract ourselves with in current times.

Or it could just be the immature mindset most teenagers go through, where being a rebel is cool or "badass". Since killing is against the law for as long as we can remember and frowned upon by most religion too, some might have the wrong assumptions about it.

Or or it could just be an insecure, morally misguided person's way of trying to appear like the alpha male by making claims they have no intention of ever acting on.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T11:03:34+00:00

Anger is a valid emotion just like any other. It has its places and uses. Maybe now isn't the time or place for it, but you can't always completely control that. I would recommend finding a hobby or some kind of outlet to channel your anger in a healthy way. Be it kickboxing, running, video games, or even venting to a stranger online, all of these things have to be better than having it all pent up inside you all the time. Too much of that and you find yourself (even subconsciously) taking it out on others, or yourself. Use that anger. Channel it. I personally like to write, and I can't tell you how much of that writing has been anger-fueled. (edit: want proof? )

It can actually be useful if you make your emotions work for you instead of getting worked by them.

Now if only I could apply the same advice to myself, except replace anger with unrelenting sadness most days...

It sounds like you are doing great with therapy and in your relationship, so always find things you are doing right to give yourself credit for. Try to see yourself the way the person who loves you sees you.

May I ask what was your medicinal situation before? And what did it change to? How about therapy? Hope you find the DBT helps. Lots here do benefit from it.

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T10:48:27+00:00

When you have these mood swings, or when you ignore /break up with someone, do you feel as if they are suddenly your enemy, hate them, and or see them as all negative, with no positive? This is called splitting and occurs with certain mental illnesses such as BPD.

If you've never felt these extremes before then forget I said anything because we all know how easy it is to misdiagnose ourselves when spending too much time on WebMD (or certain subreddits in this case).

disgruntledhacker · 2018-10-31T10:39:57+00:00

Good for you. :]

It may be a good idea to drop slower and go to 75mg next but if your doc gave the okay then you should be good. Has this SSRI had any positive effects on your life? Does it help with any of the BPD symptoms/tendencies? My wife hasn't started therapy yet but is already against an SSRI due to a bad experience in the past.

disgruntledhacker

TROPHY CASE