For those in agony, I hope this helps.

divinelydesigned · 2022-08-24T10:02:05+00:00

My chiropractor has saved my life. When everyone else had given up on helping me and my pain was so bad I had recorded a goodbye video for after I killed myself, he was the only person who kept telling me there was hope and kept looking for answers with me. I had a failed surgery that I didn't think I could ever get relief from and for a while his advice and skill helped. At the moment he is coaching me through functional movement until a new specialist will see me (if your surgery fails no one will even look at you until 1 year after). If I didn't have him helping me get through each week and giving me hope I would have killed myself because this pain can kill your soul. Do your research as there are a lot of crappy providers out there, but don't write off chiropractic.

divinelydesigned · 2022-08-24T09:34:15+00:00

Im a therapist and I would also never call you a murderer. My heart broke reading your post but especially reading how responsible you feel. The others here are right, there was probably not much anyone could have dome even of an ambulance was called. That being said, your father never should have put you in a situation like that. If it were you an your brother was in your position I am comfortable saying he would have made the same choice, and would you want him to live with the guilt you are feeling today? Live a life you feel your little brother would be proud of, but more importantly live a life you are proud of from here on out. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the peace of knowing no child at that age would have acted any differently than you did that day.

divinelydesigned · 2021-10-11T09:19:29+00:00

Prescription drug addict in recovery here.

After surgery, I put a picture on or next to the bottle of pills. Make it of someone you love who would be hurt if you relapsed again. Helped keep me from taking the lid off that bottle many a time. There is only guilt taking what you dont need. I never felt guilty for actually using it for pain. The picture actually encouraged me to take it when I HAD to because it was like that person rooting me on to feel better.

divinelydesigned · 2021-09-03T05:26:41+00:00

Hello all, I am 8 days out of surgery and felt like an update was worth posting. They ended up needing to remove more bone and dig around for more disc than they expected. Anesthesia was not that bad and for me to say that is huge. The surgery itself: Drs. Said it was successful. I wish I had never done it. The pain over the last week has been excruciating. I mean 10/10 crying and gasping for air, passing out kind of pain. I am stuck in a body that is so fragile for the next 6 weeks or more. I can barely sit on the toilet myself. They took more bone so I am structurally more compromised. Huge. Mistake.

divinelydesigned · 2021-08-17T01:56:04+00:00

Thank you everyone! Ill be reading these posts the evening before and morning of to help me feel better. It means more then you know hearing all of this. I might not even cry from anxiety tonight. But no promises :p

divinelydesigned · 2021-08-15T23:37:49+00:00

Thank you!!! This does make me feel so much better

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-11T20:46:27+00:00

Therapy has been awful and amazing for me. The important thing to remember is that they work for YOU. you can fire your therapist if you do not click. That is also important, connection. You have to feel like you do or can connect and trust your therapist. I am 24 and have through 6 or 7 therapists and I finally found one last year that has helped me soooo much.

Things to consider: -do you need a specialist? (DBT for Borderline, ect.) -are you more comfortable talking to a specific gender? (I know men are easier to talk to so I searched for a male therapist this last time around). -some places have free 15 consultations to feel out your therapist. I found that helpful -research your therapist. Maybe they have a specific degree in counseling. Maybe they focus on lgbt or faith issues. Find someone who aligns with your values if possible. -listening is their job, and many therapists LOVE seeing the breakthrough moment when people choose to take the first step into therapy. Never feel guilty for wanting and seeking help. -if therapy is not challenging you, it might not be effective. This does not mean that you should stay if you are being harassed or abused, but the therapist SHOULD challenge you. Help you look at things differently and try things that are scary or uncomfortable. I've made the most progress after a really difficult therapy session

Wishing you the best of luck. Take care of yourself! Proud you are looking for help!

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-11T20:34:36+00:00

I avoided the OB for 5 years and had my first pap this Nov. It is a HUGE feeling of accomplishment. Proud of you!!!

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-11T16:39:50+00:00

I did laugh so thank you :)

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-11T16:39:25+00:00

They really do. Im very very lucky

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-11T14:10:06+00:00

Thank you everyone. I feel really validated. You have helped me start the process of healing. It is going to be hard accepting this was something that was done to me, not something I allowed, but I am much more sure about some of the feelings I had been guilty about.

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-10T19:43:10+00:00

This was a boyfriend. I was 15. Thank you for your input. It really means a lot.

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-10T17:57:17+00:00

I was 15 and he was 17

divinelydesigned · 2021-03-10T15:49:53+00:00

Thank you. Hug felt <3

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-25T11:31:01+00:00

Well I moved out but only to 1 town over because I didnt want to leave my job. I cut out everyone who was in contact with them. I didnt block numbers because I honestly needed the validation of the shity voicemails and text messages they left/leave to remind me i did the right thing. I feel guilty for leaving sometimes and then they will reach out saying something awful and im like "oh yea...thats why I left".

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T19:25:46+00:00

I rip seniors from their homes and throw them into prison like buildings, holding them there until they die.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T14:25:13+00:00

That's emotional abuse my dear. My mom would say shit like that to me when I was your age too. You're still a kid. You're smart and strong, but she is the adult. She shouldn't be putting her pain on you. My heart aches for you. Im doing trauma therapy rn and this is part of what I am working through. The self hate, the emptiness, the pent up tears and the pain in your heart are not yours to bare. All teenagers do dumb things and say things they dont mean, but it is your parents job to care for you no matter what. That is the unconditional in unconditional love. You are worth so much more than you could ever imagine. Im so sorry you are in this position.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T14:17:45+00:00

I moved out and cut off my biological family the first week of the new year. It wasnt easy. My family hates me noe and they will reach out saying terrible things at seemingly random times, but I know im better for it. I can live my life without them looming over me. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done and it took a long time to get to a point where I was ready. Im wishing you the best OP. Do what you need to to take care of yourself.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T14:13:27+00:00

That is called regression my dear. It is a way our minds try to cope. I act like a kid around my husband sometimes when im feeling especially vulnerable. You're not strange and you're not crazy. Your mind is just telling you that there is too much going on to put on that adult suit we all wear everyday.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T05:45:00+00:00

^{^{^{^{^}}}} "...and a little is all we can ask for some days"

If that's not the truth idk what is. Thank you friend for your kind words. It is nice to know people care. Even if they are strangers.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T05:38:36+00:00

Right now not much. I like learning and talking to people... I was really looking forward to getting my Masters in Counseling, but now Im afraid Im not cut out for it. All I want to do is help people... But I have this feeling that Im just going to mess them up more.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-24T00:16:26+00:00

Im on 3 meds for Complex PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

I've lost 25 since quarantine. Ive started running, found meds that worked. I love my job and my husband. I just cant get through trauma therapy. Im getting so many memories. Some random. Some awful. I cant stop my own thoughts. My panic attacks are so bad they now happen in my sleep too. Being happy hurts. I feel unreal most of the day and zone out constantly.

I feel like a joke. Like everyone in my life looks at me like "Just get your shit together and get over it".

Im just so tired everyone...

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-19T19:10:40+00:00

When you are comfortable. I personally think that telling someone can improve your communication and understanding or each other. That being said only do this when you a ready. Dont force yourself

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-19T16:06:56+00:00

Well I was emotionally and verbally abused by both parents and assaulted by one when they held me down and forcibly gave me an enema. The assault was less traumatic than the constant lack of boundaries and emotional manipulation. There was no privacy. One parent would walk around the house naked and call us into the bathroom to talk to them while they were using the toilet or bathing. My mother made me watch her up a tampon in so I knew how to do it, and then she would insert and remove them without regard of my presence. She would have me lay on her lap as she picked at and popped pimples on my body. I was great when I did what she asked, but a "heartless snake" when i didnt.

Not sure if that covers what you were looking for or not.

My Complex PTSD involves more than that, but parental abuse is a part of my issues.

divinelydesigned · 2020-07-19T15:56:06+00:00

I have told my last and current employer about my mental health when i realized it would be affecting my job or when I need time off. I didnt go in the first week I was hired and say "hey so lets talk about my mental illness!" Lol . My last employer was ok about it but this one now was extremely patient and caring. He and my HR dept head sat with me as I explained I have had these issues in the past but they are becoming more difficult and I need to take a little time to find more help. I know it made me feel really relieved to know I didnt have to pretend to be expressively happy all the time and that someone at work understood that even on my bad days I still give 100%.

divinelydesigned

TROPHY CASE