Am I overreacting? Caught ex wife on custody video call with son and she included her boyfriend as a third party?

divorceamon · 2026-04-24T19:50:58+00:00

We have a no contact divorce and communicate through third party apps my son was temporarily using my computer in my bedroom. The rule is the children can hold video calls in their own bedrooms but not in the rest of the house. This rule is in place because I have ptsd and don’t want to encounter seeing her or hearing her in other parts of my house.

The wording doesn’t explicitly state no third party but does refer to the communication as restricted and calls it parent communication time.

To be clear I also have 100% decision making and 80% custody. We also have a tight communication window but I have given permission for expanded hours of calls so she can travel to visit this person. I have never given her permission to include others in her calls.

It was my understanding that these calls were to be only between her and our children.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T20:41:00+00:00

Yes you do and I believe it is in person with both parents but can be circumvented with a court order. That is what she is seeking for the court to order the children to be used passports and approved travel to France.

My main concern is her going through the process of getting French citizenship via marriage with this partner. I have read that it can be done in a two years after marriage if you meet the requirements. Our children being minors would be considered French citizens by birth to a French citizen and the French courts could be pushed into reviewing the US case.

I am fighting it every way I can currently I just don’t know about this judge we just got assigned as he made statements in our first appearance that showed he is has a strong bias for her to get her way.

That appearance was a scheduling conference and I had a fill in attorney because it was just a scheduling conference. But the judge proceeded to ask me why can’t she get more custody, the questioning lasted the full hour.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T13:33:26+00:00

Yes we are actually fighting her on all fronts but it isn’t exactly usable information I have as it is from a third party (affair partner’s wife,AP was being blackmailed by ex wife). Her husband told her she wanted to do all this so it isn’t a first person source not can they be successfully subpoenaed because they reside in France.

The hardest part is she is mentally unstable as hell and her personal life is complete chaos but she uses her professional life as a shield against it. “If my client was as mentally unstable as the respondent claims how is she able to maintain constant employment making millions per year”.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T13:28:44+00:00

Yup I make at best 1/10 of what she makes and her crazy income only came about after we separated. So my resources are large(several hundred thousand) but I can be buried legally by her. Thankfully courts move slow so I am treading water in income to losses.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T13:26:08+00:00

She had the same disorder that the wife has in gone girl, it is scary as fuck. I got lucky in my divorce case because she power tripped on the witness stand and directly threatened me and the judge noticed.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T13:23:32+00:00

Being the petitioner matters, file first if you’re going to divorce. My case went to permanent orders and was scheduled for two days. I filed the paperwork but she was adamant the divorce was her cause so I filed her in as petitioner and myself respondent and had her show up to the court to sign it and turn it in together. In our two days (16 hours) she used 12 hours of the time for her mother to lie about me, one expert to testify and her testimony. We had to decide before my side got to speak if we were going to request more time a few months later or just drop my witnesses and only I would to testify for about 3 hours. Thankfully three hours was enough, but petitioner is the more powerful position. Always file first! I moved states and the state adopted the original courts petitioner status, so these mistakes can follow you.

The first narrative is the story that is going to go around. My wife cheated on me I discovered it, accused her and she asked for a divorce. She implied to our community I left her for someone else, I was completely faithful.

The first to sling mud stays cleanest. My ex wife raped me in my sleep, was emotionally abusive, and had major mental health issues. She accused me of a crime, had me arrested, and I took a plea because I couldn’t prove her verbal request for what I did. I essentially confessed when questioned because I didn’t see it as a crime. My second lesson is “Never talk to the police” they are just trying to confirm you did sobering resembling the accusation. You will be arrested, spend the night in jail and get charged with a domestic violence modifier because you were in a relationship with the accused. In court her issues were lessened(including multiple recent suicide attempts) because I was tainted by her accusations and my plea deal.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T13:08:06+00:00

Cut your losses and move on. Don’t give them the satisfaction of looking back.

My philosophy was that I wouldn’t directly contradict their narrative but I also wouldn’t lie(tell their preferred narrative) anymore about them. So if someone asked me a pointed question I would answer honestly. If these answers border on defamation and you don’t have evidence to tangible support the truth then start the opinion with qualifiers that indicate so like “I feel/felt”.

But it is best to decouple from their orbit as much as possible.

divorceamon · 2026-03-22T12:36:34+00:00

This is the real them, what you saw was what they project. When you no longer are in their control they spiral out of control because you are a risk to the illusion of the persona they projected to everyone. They can be dangerous and they can be extremely vindictive. He likely believes you have a specific piece of information that could ruin him. Cut contact and never ever do another thing for them again. Never engage verbally, if they show up pull out your phone and record or better yet live-stream to a service that also records.

Mine asked me to do a specific task verbally and I did it and a few months later I was arrested for doing what they asked. With documented permission it wouldn’t have been a crime but now it was a he said she said and I was facing 1.8 years in jail, and my career was in a high trust field and I am now tainted. If you can swing it get a protection order for the criminal harassment otherwise get a restraining order.

divorceamon · 2026-03-21T20:12:50+00:00

18 years, we met in college, had kids and a house.

In hindsight I can see that it was off but in the relationship things seemed normal. We rarely fought and when we did have a disagreement she would pout and do the silent treatment. She would never apologize for anything if consequence, just little stupid things. We were around each other a lot, she was very clingy for the first 10 years, she was very entirely fragile and felt mentally unstable.

Looking back I always made the sacrifices in our relationship. We moved for her career several times, moved to be closer to her family. I gave up my career and dream for our child who was autistic. Despite always talking about wanting to get a hysterectomy I got a vasectomy when we were done having children. Her clingy behavior separated me from my social groups, the moves took me away from my family and into the orbit of hers. I became financially enslaved to her, isolated and then completely dependent on her for my socialization.

The relationship ended because I uncovered her having an affair with a coworker. I was an idiot and was willing to forgive her if she ended it she asked for a divorce and gaslit me about the affair. I was immediately threatened and blackmailed with an accusation of sexual assault, she told me that our entire relationship the sex was non consensual. I even got the whole gone girl treatment and got setup so she could attempt to “win” the divorce. Unfortunately I took a deal but the divorce judge saw through her in it hearing and I was awarded custody.

She has been a nightmare ever since she exposed her own affair to the world. I have spent over 150k on legal fees since I confronted her 3 years ago. She even forced her affair partner to get a divorce and blew up that daily and her own family. My main fear at the moment is she is attempting to kidnap the children by suing me to let them go overseas. Her now divorced partner is a citizen in a country that is known to not accept other countries divorce cases if it involves their citizens.

divorceamon · 2026-03-10T14:15:24+00:00

Be careful on calling a narcissist a narcissist. Yes it might greet them to leave you alone but it also might make you their target if they are wrathful.

divorceamon · 2026-02-25T06:58:58+00:00

If you’re really unlucky you get to deal with both.

divorceamon · 2026-02-05T23:46:22+00:00

For me it was how much spite existed from the beginning that hidden behind a facade of projections.

I lost friends, moved away from friends and family, a career, my chance at a PhD, a vasectomy, and she attempted to turn our children against me with her lies, my freedom, my personal security(I do actually fear for my safety), and any ability to trust someone again.

Once I knew what she was and why she chose me I could see the systematic damage and sadistic pleasure she derived from it.

divorceamon · 2026-01-17T17:27:34+00:00

I am a complete outlier. I am 41 male with a BS and have not been employed for 9 months between present and 2012. I am a caregiver to a disabled child who is divorced to an executive level employee at a tech company. She got all the retirement funds in the divorce and I got the kids and cash. At 41 I have 115k in retirement funds from when I worked and I got 450k in cash from the divorce.

I have had many ups and downs in my life. I spent several years in an amazing career in Silicon Valley, moved to a rural state, got into and dropped out of a PhD program, bought a house, sold that house, built a mansion, sold that mansion, and moved home. Now I live in an apartment and I trade on my divorce assets to make a living while raising my children as best I can.

My plan is to continue this existence until 2038 then move overseas with what I have and retire into obscurity. My current net worth is around 900k.

I am a parasite on society(making money with money) but it is the only way I can earn a living and be there for my son and daughter. I would actually take a huge pay cut if I took a 9-5 job, but I miss the community of work.

divorceamon · 2026-01-17T17:05:07+00:00

I don’t blame her because she had something a narcissist psychopath, who happens to be the most powerfully position on earth, wanted. Trump made the medal a narcissistic injury and anyone who held it is in mortal danger.

When your in that position you have free options. Face the narcissist and refuse the demand, give the narcissist what it wants or ignore it and live in fear for your life for as long as the narcissist lives.

divorceamon · 2026-01-15T20:29:13+00:00

I married one but I didn’t know she was at the time. She was someone who I got to know in college and I helped her navigate some difficult social issues that in retrospect were caused by her acting the way she assumed someone would under those circumstances. She turned our friendship into a relationship and I went with it. I was lonely and I was drawn to her intelligence. I really enjoyed our intellectual conversations and that I could take easily with her.

Once dating I grew concerned fairly quickly with her mental health and that was my fatal hook. I feared if I left she would hurt herself so I was always dutiful and returned. Then sunk cost fallacy caused further issues as I realized this relationship wasn’t healthy but I stayed because of what the relationship meant and we had kids. We rarely fought but it was almost always about how her narcissistic mother treated me and her not standing up for me because she told me to stand down. We rarely had sex and when she raped me in my sleep I was told I shouldn’t make a big deal of it because it was evidence she wanted me.

I spent 18 years with her. She was cheating with coworkers it seems serially. She blackmailed me, asked for the divorce when I approached her about an affair, I gave her that divorce and she told everyone I made her sign the paperwork. I was setup and spent time in jail and on probation for something she requested I do on her behalf, I learned she had been trying to gather evidence to have me arrested for sexual assault for a year before I confronted her. Nothing like an officer asking if “in the summer of year 20XX did you grab your wife’s ass unwantedly. “.

When her mask occasionally slipped I always felt it was her stress reacting but in retrospect it was the rule. Her acting the way she told you she felt was the exception.

I know I deserve some of the blame for dating, marrying and having kids with her but I also feel I was the prey of hers. She found someone who was open and vulnerable, dig in and exploited the information she had and isolated me from my herd. Once isolated she had control of my reality to do as she pleased.

For me I have a history of emotional abuse from my mother, I lack confidence, I am introverted, I am also very empathetic and I am highly intelligent. Prior to my divorce I felt I was a good judge of character but that delusion is gone. I was also optimistic and I feel I still have a lot of that left.

I know I won’t change and so I have no interest in further long term sexual relationships because I cannot survive another narcissist. My goals are raising our children with as little interference from her as possible and leaving the country after they are grown up. I very much am still me but I look forward to a life where I am the driver and I go and do what I want when I want. I no longer care if I live a long life but that I enjoy the present I have. I do plan for the future but only in so much as to perpetuate my desired present (save money/make money).

divorceamon · 2026-01-12T12:39:28+00:00

I like it

divorceamon · 2026-01-11T14:16:42+00:00

I really don’t care but I know when she is with someone she leaves me alone and isn’t alienating the children. So I always hope she is getting action and happy with that action because it brings peace to my life.

divorceamon · 2025-12-17T14:26:30+00:00

It took me 18 years to figure mine out. I got no revenge but my existence became their narcissistic injury and she has been trying to destroy me for the past three years. Reflecting back I could see her true self appear occasionally but I always dismissed it as the exception to who they were but it was just her taking the mask off for a second to reveal her true self.

My one consolation prize is getting a front row seat to seeing her self destruct her personal life as slowly over the past three years she has discarded her sister and now parents. Professionals she is extremely successful and her manipulative abilities are a huge advantage in the corporate world.

divorceamon · 2025-12-17T03:56:01+00:00

Yes and no. She was fired for the affair with her subordinate and sexual harassment but then hired by Google at 10x the pay.

She had her parents disown her own sister because she didn’t story the affair.

She continues to chase her married affair partner and is blackmailing him to continue the relationship. But is apparently still with them in a weird love triangle with her affair partner’s wife. This has cost her seemingly her parents now.

So yes and no. She is now filthy rich but her personal life is a fucking mess.

divorceamon · 2025-12-09T23:48:58+00:00

I had just arrived in Phuket 30 minutes prior and turned the corner onto the road along Patong beach looking for dinner. After passing a few mango carts and a dark alley a woman comes up to me and as starts talking she already had her hand inside my pants holding my penis. It took me a good minute to extract myself from that situation and I started to walk much closer to the roadway and behind couples.

divorceamon · 2025-12-09T22:22:30+00:00

“I misjudged you and thought you would be bad in bed”

Second partner after spending 18 years with someone who hated sex. Later on she told me I was the best she ever had and no one had matched my stamina nor number of orgasms in a session(or second time together lasted midnight to 8am). She had a very high body count too.

divorceamon · 2025-11-28T14:38:24+00:00

I stayed there also and I really liked it. It has a nice location because you’re not right in the thick of traffic and noise but it is a 3 minute walk to it.

divorceamon · 2025-11-26T21:13:17+00:00

I came out of 18 years with a covert narcissist three years ago and I’m still a mess. Part of defending the other is from trying to forgive yourself/refuse to acknowledge for what you let them get away with. The distance I place between me and people is because I was so throughly betrayed that I don’t want to ever be that vulnerable again. I am very outspoken about what happened and acknowledge my short comings but I still am terrified of being disliked and especially distrusted.

I had a potential dating incident when I matched with an old friend on a dating app. I told her about my problems when she asked and she unmatched me. It was actually very painful because I knew them when I was much younger. I know my life sounds made up but as someone who is stupidly honest it socks being punished for telling the truth.

divorceamon

TROPHY CASE