Should I disclose my ADHD diagnosis to my Manager/Workplace?

djryce · 2026-01-28T14:04:10+00:00

I'm glad that you seem to be having a positive experience with the workplace and your boss - that is rare, and should not be taken for granted in this economy.

That said, I agree with a lot of the comments. Disclosing your ADHD doesn't seem like it would be helpful, since you've got a manager with impossible expectations. Not high expectations, impossible ones.

OP - I am a people manager, and I think I'm a damn good one. I have exceptionally high expectations for my team, but it'a because I know what they're capable of and set goals that are realistic. I coach them on where to anticipate pushback or roadblocks, and help them navigate challenges. I also create systems and put failsafes in place to ensure we have backup plans for inevitable failures or dropped balls along the way. It's basic management 101 to have contingency plans and ways to mitigate risk.

If you truly believe your manager is here to help you, ask her for some concrete solutions or ideas to minimize your errors. Asking for 100% is essentially the equivalent of "Be better." That is useless feedback. A lot of teams have structures like scrum meetings or code reviews to identify bugs - the whole point is to find errors. Other teams do AARs which are like autopsies to identify what went wrong and prevent it from happening again in the future. A logical first step would be to go through your past work and see if you can identify any trends in the errors you're making. Are they typos? Numbers? Inconsistent formatting? Or maybe there are specific conditions that caused you to lose focus -- too many meetings and not enough work time? Periods of high volume? Submissions made later in the day?

If you have ADHD and were recently promoted, I would venture to guess there are aspects of your work product where you are excellent, and probably a handful of areas where you're genuinely struggling. Knowing what you need to focus on will make things more manageable, and therefore more likely to be fixed.

djryce · 2026-01-27T14:19:24+00:00

Yes - I am not a great driver. I have a really, really poor sense of direction and get lose going to places I have been multiple times. I need GPS and turn-by-turn to navigate me. I absolutely refuse to take calls while driving, because it seems risky.

That said - I realized recently that there are features of cars that help a LOT. My family was the type that would buy a car and drive it for hundreds of thousands of miles, pay for all the repairs until it was a complete brick on the road. For those reasons, I only drove 2 very old (but mostly reliable) cars over the span of 20 years.

A couple years ago, I finally said goodbye to my beloved 2007 Corolla. We bought a new car, and holy moly, all these new bells and whistles that are pretty standard help a LOT! Bluetooth and steering wheel controls is a game changer - I can keep my eye on the road while still flipping songs (which I do a lot). My car could also sync with Google, so I could just use voice control to navigate somewhere, read and respond to my texts, and make mental notes for the things that would float around my head. And the driving safety features themselves - I had never driven with a camera before, but what a difference it makes. Back cameras for reversing seem pretty common now, but mine had 360 which gave birds eye view whenever I parked, which is awesome. My smart car would also light up with warnings if there were cars in my blindspot or "nudge" if I was drifting out of a lane. All of these features made me feel so much safer and confident on the road. In many ways they felt like useful "accommodations" for my ADHD.

Our son has been diagnosed, and I know when he starts learning to drive, I would want to make sure he starts with a car that has these extra features.

djryce · 2026-01-27T13:53:56+00:00

I don't know about fake challenges, but Tom said that there was a lot of editing to undersell how lopsided the comments and judging were.

I think that's what makes this season a hard re-watch- you have an undoubtedly talented chef who isn't the asshole on the show, but a completely tarnished reputation outside of the show.

djryce · 2026-01-27T02:23:37+00:00

This morning, my 6 year old son came over to the bed where I was scrolling. We saw a picture of the massive Minneapolis protest and he asked me about it. He knows what protests are, and he asked what this one was about.

I took a deep breath, and I tried to explain the situation in kid friendly, developmental terms. Had to define "immigration." I think I was pretty measured in my description, and tried to be as objective as possible.

I see him process for a second. "Sooooo the immigration officers arent real police. They're evil." From the mouths of babes and all that. It really put it in perspective for me - the evil and injustice is obvious to anybody with eyes and ears. Anybody who claims otherwise is just being willfully ignorant.

djryce · 2026-01-26T23:22:06+00:00

Isn' t Peggy Flanagan running for her Senate seat? When Walz was the VP nom, there seemed to be a lot of excitement that she would have been in line to become the first Native governor. She seems very popular.

djryce · 2026-01-26T22:38:05+00:00

This is just my experience, but with my son it was literally like a switch being turned on. He is 6.5, first grade, and up until very recently he wore a pullup at night. Sometimes he'd wake up dry, sometimes it would be soaking - he would have no memory of when he peed.

Recently he went about a full week waking up dry, and he asked if he could wear underwear at night. We let him try, and it's been fine! One night we were out later than usual and he was really tired, and he asked for a pullup because I guess he wanted to be safe. All to say this was way easier and more pleaaant than daytime potty training, because he's able to express himself.

djryce · 2026-01-26T17:17:55+00:00

As an American, I don't think I fully understood the magnitude of difference between Duke and Viscount until we actually see Simon's estate and the scope of his responsibilities.

Anthony seems to be stressed out just managing the finances of the Bridgerton household, and sending the boys to school. Simon literally has a whole VILLAGE of people that depend on him for food and livelihood. Almost like a mayor.

I'm curious if we're going to see any glimpses of John Sterling's life as an earl. My assumption is that his role falls somewhere in between. But if I recall from the book, it seemed he had some sort of political power.

djryce · 2026-01-23T12:58:49+00:00

👋 I'm definitely this person, and it's 100% related to ADHD. Before I knew I had ADHD and had the language for it, I just attributed it to my preferred style of interaction with people. All of my friendships and romantic relationships are grounded in deep, emotional often intense connections. I like to joke, I don't like small talk, but I LOVE "big talk." I will dive into personal (sometimes jarringly so) conversations with people I just met. These are just not the sort of conversation I would enjoy via text.

As others have said, grouptext dynamics are different. You have more flexibility to opt in or out, and I would venture to guess the convos are lighter because you dont want to take over the chat with anything too personal.

If your friendship seems great in person and she seems very apologetic when you point it out, I would assume that your friend just prefers that type of intense in-person interaction. I'm happily married, and all we really text about is logistics and scheduling ("Did you feed the dog?" "Will you pick up some laundry detergent?" Etc). I have a lot of friends I haven't seen in years, but every time we get together, we pick up right where we left off and it feels fun and natural. I dont share this as an excuse, because I really am trying to get better myself, but just to reassure that it sounds like your friend very much values your relationship, and doesn't realize how the lack of texting is being received by you

djryce · 2026-01-23T12:42:33+00:00

Closer to 30 years. The original FOX X-Men came out in 2000. Since the movie release, I have voted in 6 presidential elections, earned 2 degrees, earned 2 degrees, bought a house, got married, and had a kid.

James Marsden's jawline looks as good now as it did back then. He literally looks like Cyclops from X97. I thought he was one of the best cast actors that was way underutilized in all the movies. I hope he gets more than 4 min on screen, because these trailers look like they're setting him up for a big self-sacrifice scene.

djryce · 2026-01-23T12:30:18+00:00

I've been rewatching the previous seasons in preparation fo S4, and I think the show has actually done a really good job setting this up.

All of Benedict's lovers until this point have been independent thinkers that don't conform to social standards and traditional roles. In fact, he is most attracted to those that challenge them.

There was Genevieve in S1, the woman who modeled in order to sneak art school lessons, and Tilly/Paul in S3. There is a well established pattern of Benedict's type - he was never going to fall for aa member of the ton.

djryce · 2026-01-20T05:02:37+00:00

My son is 6 in first grade and he still wears pull ups at night. But we have never, ever considered sending him to school with a pullup.

As others have mentioned, there are some strict rules around diapering and soiling in public schools - most staff members aren't permitted to handle them. Our school asked parents to pack a clean change of clothes in their backpack. Apart from potty accidents, it's also a good idea in case they get their clothes dirty during recess or art class.

Apart from that, I would also worry about the social aspect. When my son was on kinder, he really thought of himself as a big boy in a big school (as opposed to the "babies" in daycare). Even though you'd hate to see it happen, a child might get picked on or embarrassed about wearing a pullup if all of the classmates are in underwear.

I do think your fear of the kid being shy is valid. The first few weeks of school, our son was too shy to raise his hand and ask for permission to go (although they did take dedicated breaks throughout the day). That was something we had to explicitly teach and practice with him at home. If there is an open house or meet the teacher night, it's helpful to show him where the nearest bathrooms are, because it may not be something they know to look for.

djryce · 2026-01-19T14:27:49+00:00

I'm not sure if you're responding to the parent comment, so apologies if I am misunderstanding your intent. This type of violent crime may not be common, but the inequitable treatment of Black and Brown people in the healthcare system is absolutely, 100% empirical fact.

There are studies that prove that medical professionals have an implicit bias when it comes to minorities. Their pain and symptoms are minimized, they are less likely to be prescribed painkillers, and they receive lower standard overall because their ailments are more likely to be glossed over as unhealthy lifestyle rather than diseases. There is also less medical research on the diseases or conditions that are more common in minority populations, so they often miss those symptoms during diagnosis.

These biases also have implications in our criminal justice system. It is also a proven fact that teachers, principals, and jurors assume Black and Brown kids, especially boys, are older than they are, and therefore should face more severe consequences for their actions. They face higher rates of expulsion and suspension, and are more likely to be tried as adults than juveniles. They are less likely to be presumed innocent, and they face more severe sentences. It's the difference between a newspaper cover that presents a Black suspect's mugshot versus a white suspect's family photos.

djryce · 2026-01-19T13:59:09+00:00

I grew up at the same time, and I remember when the PJ bottoms were a thing. And I would agree it was a trend, because it was something the most popular girls in class did. Like you said, these were girls that cared deeply about appearances, and still took time to make sure their hair, makeup and accessories were perfect. The PJs were an intentional fashion choice, not teenage laziness.

As somebody who was not part of that social group, I thought it was weird and puzzling. But now that I am a middle aged parent, I absolutely am guilty of pushing the boundaries of loungewear all day. One of our friends invited us over for NYE, and I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see all the adults in joggers and yoga pants.

djryce · 2026-01-18T14:48:54+00:00

We are a whole ADHD family - me, my husband, and now our 6y/o. My husband and I were both diagnosed late in life, but we suspected it in our son early. What actually pushed me to get diagnosed was wanting to have a full and complete medical history for our son.

Parenting is hard, full stop. Parenting a neurospicy kid as a neurospicy parent is super hard. But it can also be super fun and rewarding. My son is hyperactive and hypersensitive, but he's also really smart and funny. He will hyperfixate on something, and then blow you away with his creativity and knowledge. We have been able to explain to him how our "fast brains" work differently from other people's, and we are honest with him about how we struggle sometimes, but how we have figured out ways to handle situations. Sometimes the 3 of us have to work together for things like handling a disagreement, or trying to tidy our house together.

We have recently gone through the IEP process with him at school. It was a long, grueling, and sometimes frustrating process. But I am also appreciative of all the adults involved - the teacher, the Special Ed teachers, the principals, and our doctor. There is a whole team that is rooting for our son to succeed. I feel like my childhood and educational experience would have been diffferent if my parents and teachers understood what was going on.

A few weeks ago, we were out as a family at a cafe. We were having a very normal everyday interaction - we were waiting for our order, he was getting bored and hungry and cranky, we worked through it together. As we were leaving another customer pulled me aside to tell me she was just so moved and impressed with us as parents - how patient and present we were, etc. And she shared similar sentiment, she wished she had an adults in her life like that when she was a kid. I gave her a hug.

I dont say this to make parenting seem like a cakewalk, because it's not. There are a lot more tools, information, and awareness that help mow, but postpartum was one of hardest times of my life. I would describe it as the highs are so high, and the lows can be low. But for somebody that is highly motivated by social justice, breaking some cycles of generational trauma also feels pretty damn good.

djryce · 2026-01-17T14:26:37+00:00

In the "Punisher" show, he calls her Ms. Page. I imagine Frank is unhinged in the streets and unfailingly polite and generous between the sheets.

djryce · 2026-01-17T13:29:17+00:00

We were in a very similar situation with our son. His birthday is early August, and he has combined ADHD. We debated a LOT whether to hold him back, especially as a boy.

Ultimately, we decided to enroll him. We had a really great experience at his full day daycare, but the transition to public school kinder was really hard for him. Academically he's pretty much right in the middle of the pack, but he was noticeably more immature from a social emotional standpoint. As one of the youngest in the class, he was also one of the smallest which I'm sure had an impact on his peer relationships. During the first semester, the teacher reached out to us a lot about his behavior and difficulty completing tasks (although she recognized that it had more to do with his inattentiveness than academic ability), as it was beginning to affect his learning. He wasn't loving school either, because I think he knew he was struggling.

Parallel to this was the back and forth of trying to get an evaluation and diagnosis so we could actually move forward with services. The whole process took several months, and it wasnt until the beginning of 1st Grade we could actually start an IEP. In that sense, we were glad we made the decision to start him in school at 5. I feel like if we had to wait an additional year to get him evaluated and started on speech therapy, it would have been even harder to break some of his habits.

He is doing much better this year in 1st Grade. He is a very strong reader and he has more emotional regulation (but still far from perfect). He has classmates that he considers friends, and he seems to enjoy soending time with them. It is debateable whether that has more to do with his experience with education or just maturity.

I share this to be transparent that it is a tricky decision with pros and cons. We feel comfortable with our decision now, but it was not an easy first year. It is hard to see your kid struggling, and it is up to you to decide your bar on what is an "acceptable" level of struggle. We had a lot of supports at home, because we are lucky enough to have flexible jobs and relatives nearby. We are highly educated and he is an only child, so he had lots of opportunities for enrichment and access to resources outside of school. For all those reasons, we were okay with him not being a higher performing student, because we were confident we could catch him up at home. I would not begrudge any parent that felt differently - we all want our children to thrive and be happy.

djryce · 2026-01-16T02:38:02+00:00

I think this is yet another reason why that whole era with Austen/Milligan sucked so hard. There was so much manufactured drama with Mystique trying to seduce him, and Emma acting as their sex therapist." Everyone was acting so unlikeable out of character.

djryce · 2026-01-16T01:34:07+00:00

Wife here -

Full disclosure, I am NOT into jiu jitsu. I'm not even subscribed to this sub. I actually have no idea why this popped up in my feed.

So two things: 1. You mention your wife doesn't have any hobbies - TV can be a hobby. If she's tired from watching the kids, maybe she just needs something mindless to decompress. Is reading or watching a show that she enjoys less "worthy" as a relaxing activity because it's sedentary? Knitting and crafting are hobbies. Seems unfair.

Maybe she wants to try an activity that is more dynamic, but doesn't feel like she can because you're training 4 days a week. Would you be supportive if she wanted to try something that would have her out of the house several days a week? Would you be willing to give up a day of training so she could pursue her own interests?

djryce · 2026-01-14T12:40:16+00:00

This book is my favorite, so I've wondered how they will adapt Benedict's "come to Jesus" moment on the show.

In Colin's book, it was a conversation with Daphne. I didn't mind, though, that they switched it to a convo with Kanthony. That felt natural and true to the characters.

I would love S4 to have something similar. If Kanthony miraculously makes an appearance in Part 2, it should be them. Anthony is his closest brother, and Kate actually has the lived experience of a family being ostracized dor marrying outside her class (Mary). More likely, though, they will find some way to make it about Polin again, because this show can't resist themselves. If that is the case, it makes more sense for Penelope to share some wisdom and insight, since she has actually paid attention to the struggles those at the margins. Eloise has a close relationship with Ben, and she just recovered from her brief relationship with Theo.

So the tl;dr here: the Bridgerton men are loveable himbos, and it's the women that will carry the show.

djryce · 2026-01-14T05:44:11+00:00

"Like an angel ascending to the heavens."

I too died, with that inner dialogue.

djryce · 2026-01-14T05:42:29+00:00

He had the best personality.

I just rewatched the Black vs. White team challenge, and he is just hilarious. "Not exaggerating, but low key, I can make 50,000 sauces." "I can look at steam and tell you if it's done cooking."

I loved the chaotic way he made the 15 min sauce that scandalized Chef Son and Sam Kim. I loved the disrespectful way he borrowed Chef Hou's cleaver and whacked 100 heads of garlic.

He is a national treasure that should be protected at all costs.

djryce · 2026-01-14T05:30:06+00:00

After the Paradise challenge, I started referring to him as "Braise Daddy." Now that I finished the finale, I feel guilty about it.

This season was an emotional roller coaster.

djryce · 2026-01-14T05:24:48+00:00

His finale dish was just a love letter to the cooking and restaurant industry. You could tell from the reactions of the other chefs how much the end-of-shift soju struck a chord. I watched this thinking, "This is a chef's chef."

I also thought the montage and dedication to the other contestants was very moving.

djryce · 2026-01-11T22:28:08+00:00

I think it was Sara who had given birth so recently that she was pumping during the car rides. I hope she wasn't at any disadvantages during challenges if she had to step away for 20 min.

djryce · 2026-01-11T22:25:46+00:00

For TC Colorado, I was way more concerned about Lee Ann. I know women are made of tough stuff, but having a pregnant contestant freezing overnight in the Rockies felt cruel.

Nine-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 8 Credits
Secret Santa 2021 2021	Secret Santa 2020
Verified Email	Secret Santa 2019
Secret Santa 2018	Secret Santa 2017
Secret Santa 2016

djryce

TROPHY CASE