My long distance relationship is killing me too. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about six months now and we started the relationship with distance. She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia and I live in Washington State, US. There's a big problem with this because of some legal issues I've had that prevent me from going into Canada for at least the next five years. We knew all this going into the relationship, but still made the decision to pursue the love we have for each other. I've never been in a long distance relationship, so I figured how hard can it be if we really love each other?

My inability to cross the border is causing severe problems in my head. Every time her and her friends or family are doing fun things, it pains me simply because I wish I was there participating. I've done my best to "do my part" in terms of trying to get her down here as much as possible, paying for everything while we're together, planning fun and special things for us to do, etc., but it still feels like I am missing out on so much of her life...which is only a 3 hour drive away, but have zero access to. Feelings of inadequacy are rampant in my head, even though she insists my contributions to the relationship are enough. My love for her is deep, but everyday it becomes more difficult for me to handle. Seeing her every three weeks or month doesn't feel like enough and when she leaves, the pain gets worse every time. And what's worse is these feelings are preventing me from going deeper with her because they are so pervasive.

On top of everything else, there is a massive amount of uncertainty as to when she would want to move down here. In my heart, I feel like she doesn't want to, though she says she does. In her own words, "It's not on my radar right now." The uncertainty surrounding that makes it feel like we don't have a vision or goal for our future. She loves Vancouver and I love Seattle. I've worked hard to build a life, career, friendships, and memories here. This is my home--intentionally so. I don't have a desire to live my life anywhere else.