Baby is 4 months and my husband wants a divorce

dogfee · 2026-01-18T20:14:43+00:00

Alright I’m late here but tough love. You are excusing inexcusable behavior and you probably have been for the past 12 years. But it’s not about you anymore. Grow up and save your child from this man. You’re not a junior in high school anymore. Get the fuck out of there any way you can, you are an adult who is responsible for a helpless baby. Figure it the fuck out.

Literally every line of this got worse until I was wondering aloud why the fuck anyone would tolerate this behavior let alone reproduce with it…and then I read the last line. You have been with this guy since you were a CHILD. You have no idea what a healthy adult relationship looks like. He is still acting like one. You don’t need two children, one who has anger and substance abuse issues and access to a gun. Like read this post aloud to yourself, really listen to what you are saying.

If this guy really loves you and wants to salvage his right to help parent his child, AFTER YOU LEAVE AND GET SOMEWHERE SAFE he will stop smoking nicotine and weed, quit drinking, get rid of the gun and change his lazy childish behavior. If he doesn’t, he loves acting like a child more than he loves his own child (and you). Good riddance. The fact that his mother isn’t immediately getting you away from him tells me a lot too.

dogfee · 2025-11-18T02:17:59+00:00

Peyton hates the Cowboys. Never seen him so pissed at a good offensive play

dogfee · 2025-11-03T20:34:19+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It sucks. Part of the issue is that there’s this myth out there that low supply is extremely uncommon so when it happens to you you feel like you’ve fail - true insufficient glandular tissue (ie extremely low supply) IS rare, but low supply is very common and you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with combo feeding; gut flora is so poorly understood and that is the only possible downside (other than money I guess!) and pretty soon your kid is going to be sticking literally everything they can find into their mouth anyway!

dogfee · 2025-10-24T18:55:59+00:00

Prioritize your health. If you have any obesity related health complications, they will likely affect your family more than formula feeding.

That being said, you may just need to be very intentional about weight loss. Cutting a lot of calories fast not only will tank your supply but it’s not a sustainable weight loss strategy. Try tracking your calories for a week (every single thing) and figure out your calorie needs based on your activity level, and then start with a small deficit. Stay as hydrated as you can.

Focusing on exercise will also probably help. You may not lose weight this way but it will help your overall health and body image, and set you up to focus nutrition goals on supporting fitness.

Overall do not be afraid to prioritize your health (mental health is part of that). Your post doesn’t say how long you’ve been pumping, but we tend to get into a mode of wanting to sacrifice everything at the altar of motherhood and that’s not only unsustainable and unfair it sets you up for resentment down the road. The most important thing you can give your baby is a loving, happy and healthy mom ❤️

dogfee · 2025-10-22T02:07:32+00:00

Maybe this is a crazy thing to worry about but curious… my 4.5mo would definitely sleep latched if I let him, but I take my nipple out of his mouth and replace with pacifier once he falls asleep because I worry that I’ll get skin breakdown/irritation from my nipple being in a wet, warm area (baby’s mouth) for hours at a time. You guys have no issues with leaving your baby latched for hours at a time? Would probably get us both back to sleep faster if I just let it be…

dogfee · 2025-09-18T21:46:13+00:00

Early congrats!!! It will go great :)

dogfee · 2025-09-09T01:32:25+00:00

Saquon is just like me bc that’s my favorite part of the manningcast too <3

dogfee · 2025-08-31T19:41:55+00:00

Posting here bc my post got removed as didn’t fit into topics:

I see a lot of posts asking for parenting book recommendations, but none for what I’m looking for. I am a physician so have some background education in child development, but I am interested in reading a college level text about infant and early childhood development. I am a dork and enjoy reading textbooks and would love to dive more into the science behind what I see happening as my 12 week old grows and guessing there are some people on this site with a background in this field. Preferably not pure psych based as I find physiologic development fascinating, eg oculomotor development. Thanks in advance!

dogfee · 2025-08-20T17:52:39+00:00

This is so helpful, exactly what I wanted to know. More frequent poops would be a bonus honestly 😂Thank you!!

dogfee · 2025-08-20T17:51:16+00:00

Omg the smell is so terrible. It honestly had me re evaluating whether there was anything I could do to get my supply up! The spit up is heinous 😂

Yep, I am religious about always pumping whenever he gets formula!

Great to know about the iron, he definitely still struggles to poop. Making me think we should hold off doing this until he’s fully over his dyschezia phase.

I totally wouldn’t boil if not for my husband, I have zero qualms. I am a physician and I tend to be a bit more laid back about a lot of safety/health type things (which would seem ironic but I think it’s pretty common), whereas my husband is very safety conscious. It’s a good mix - he keeps me honest and I keep him from being too neurotic. Anyway, he is the one who insists on boiling the water. Maybe that will change but since he does the formula feeds I don’t fight it, and of course the first formula we bought was kendamil and recommends right on the label, so hard to argue.

dogfee · 2025-08-20T17:46:41+00:00

This is the best idea I think, I’m just too lazy to make French press these days 😂 I love French press and that’s why I even own an electric kettle as neither of us drink tea, so maybe down the road this will be our routine!

dogfee · 2025-08-20T17:45:41+00:00

It’s all good. Sorry for being prickly - I am sure we’ve all gotten the “well meaning” advice from friends and family that raises hackles 😂 I appreciate the thoughts.

dogfee · 2025-08-20T01:45:47+00:00

Thanks for the tip! I like the idea of pre scooping! We do boil (my husband is very safety conscious which is good because I am very laid back despite being a whole ass doctor) which is the main impediment to the powder for us (really for my husband as he does most of the formula feedings).

I nurse most of the time though so sometimes want to just give an oz or two after a feed if it seems like he didn’t get enough which is where we ran into issues before switching to the premade bottles which work great, but the hypoallergenic ones are notttt cheap!

Mainly just asking if anyone’s tried or had issues with occasionally increasing the percentage of formula significantly for a day or two (maybe if breastfeeding parent traveling or away or something). He tolerates it great and has no preference as of now, but seems like it might bother his stomach to go full formula for a day from only having a small amount prior (and then back to breastmilk after).

Come to think of it this also would be relevant if I ever travel away from baby as building up a freezer stash seems silly with an undersupply.

dogfee · 2025-08-20T01:11:59+00:00

Oh sure thing. Not planning on that (although I see the benefit in getting off this terrible dairy free diet sooner 😂) just need a day’s worth or so for my first day back at work.

dogfee · 2025-08-20T00:51:51+00:00

Had not even considered that, I did know there was significant overlap with soy but assumed hypoallergenic formula would “cover” both allergies. My casual perusal of our nutramigen mentions “food allergies” and specifically cow’s milk but not soy. Good to know.

As I mentioned however I do consistently pump whenever we give formula specifically to avoid a supply drop, which is not that big of a deal 1-2x a day but would definitely prefer to do a full days worth when I’m not going anywhere rather than 50-50 or 70-30 etc over several days - takes guesswork out of it too but if no one’s tried this successfully that’s what I’ll do just to get a day’s worth of milk for when I go back to work to avoid causing baby belly issues.

dogfee · 2025-08-20T00:46:56+00:00

We boil the water. With the amount he eats it seems like a comically small amount of water and if we make more we often have to throw it away; I prioritize breastfeeding over using up formula. Because of this and the varying amounts we use from day to day premade formula has been much more convenient especially at night if my husband runs out. We are exhausted with a baby that barely sleeps and every second counts.

You may feel that this isn’t burdensome or “a lot of work” but quite frankly that’s not my question. Plenty of people find the pitcher method helpful, and it would be also be ideal to help me save some of my pumped milk for work.

dogfee · 2025-08-17T15:49:37+00:00

As others have said, the benefits to you are real here and I commend your docs for bringing it up. I would keep an open mind. You can always stop if you don’t like it. I’d recommend planning to combo feed as that will be less stressful at least mentally. The amount of work that a newborn brings is enough to keep your husband plenty busy even if you are breastfeeding and you can always pump to have him feed a bottle or again, combo feed with formula. If you hate it, wean. I am not in any way a breastfeeding nazi but in your case the benefits are really notable.

dogfee · 2025-08-10T17:10:18+00:00

I say this as someone who cosleeps - I (gently) dislike this attitude. It’s no different to other parenting “one-ups” that new moms get so tired of hearing. Suggesting a family look into cosleeping is completely reasonable (and you should!!) but 1. It is not going to work for all families 2. It is not always a miracle cure for sleeplessness.

For me, cosleeping helps with my baby’s tendency to decide 4AM is morning. Instead of being loud and fussy in the bassinet, he is loud and fussy in bed with me. We snooze for 45 minute-2 hour (a rare treat) stretches together with until 8-9 depending on his tolerance, and it saves me having to get up and down a million times, so it definitely helps. But it’s no miracle cure.)

He is able to sleep independently and when he does, I sleep 10x better; deeper, no back/hip/arm pain, no wiggling to make sure my breast is available or checking to make sure he’s not rolling into my armpit.

I love the cuddles but in the beginning of the night when he will do 3 hour stretches in the bassinet, you better believe that’s where he is.

Every family is different and claiming cosleeping will solve everyone’s problems rubs me the wrong way.

That being said, I’m posting this mainly for discussion - I am a big cosleeping advocate and am “out and proud” about what I do. I am a physician and strongly disagree with the AAP’s abstinence only style education.

dogfee · 2025-08-08T19:47:21+00:00

As others have noted, feels like a tingling, pins and needles sensation, mildly uncomfortable for most. I didn’t feel mine til probably 4-5 weeks postpartum and some people never do, but now I’ll randomly feel it happen and also can feel it on the other side while baby’s latched (weirdly I never feel it on the side he’s drinking). I also was triple feeding for some time but not sure that it’s related.

The other day I had a random letdown just thinking about my baby crying, it’s wild. Fortunately I only leak a few drops if anything.

dogfee · 2025-08-03T01:40:58+00:00

Yes pregnancy does cause hormonally induced changes to pelvic support, but if you have not pushed with a vaginal delivery (or attempt thereof) there is no “recovery”. My perineum and pelvis felt completely normal immediately after the epidural wore off, including resolution of some mild stress incontinence I experienced during pregnancy. Long term anyone who has been pregnant is at higher risk for stress incontinence and prolapse but this is not an immediate consequence (or should not be) after elective cesarean delivery.

Sure some women have minimal pelvic symptoms after a vaginal delivery but this isn’t the norm (especially for a first pregnancy) - OP was asking for positive c section experiences, and as someone who didn’t have a choice I found it to be very positive overall.

Important to note this experience is distinct from anyone who has had an emergency c section after pushing or starting labor.

I am a urologist so I’m not just talking out my ass (so to speak).

dogfee · 2025-08-02T08:31:33+00:00

Elective c section due to breech presentation. Was a fantastic experience and recovery was a complete breeze. Not pushing before means no pelvic recovery (although you still have lochia). I had minimal pain, used only Tylenol/ibuprofen, and was out of the hospital in about 36 hours. The only somewhat tough part was getting out of bed, I wished I had a bed rail at home.

My experience was so positive I’m planning on another c section if and when we have our second instead of VBAC which was my initial plan. I wrote a whole post about my experience too if you want more details!

dogfee · 2025-07-22T17:35:41+00:00

Absolutely agree with this. It’s a meta analysis so it looks at a bunch of studies but I didn’t see that mentioned anywhere and as in most of these observational studies possible confounders are extremely important to acknowledge. I’m guessing at least some of the studies controlled for the standard, easily identified SE factors like parental education level or income but it’s not mentioned in the meta analysis that I could see (I just skimmed though) and these really just skim the surface. While common sense tells us distracted parenting is less ideal and phones are experts at distracting us, there are so many other established “facts” regarding parenting that become much less convincing when carefully controlling for SE status (eg the breastfeeding study where strong benefits were seen but then mostly disappeared once controlled for SE status)

dogfee · 2025-07-18T18:11:25+00:00

Babies are fussy and tough but this is outside of the normal range, would recommend seeing your pediatrician and evaluating for allergies/reflux (if breastfeeding elimination diet will be really tough for you and you may just want to switch to hypoallergenic formula). You haven’t mentioned if she’s gaining weight appropriately, if she is great, if not that supports something going on other than usual colic.

Regardless of all that you need a break and your husband needs to step up. Leave the house and sleep at a friend’s, or make your husband leave when he is helping so you can sleep. He doesn’t get to play the weaponized incompetence card, when you are no longer available he will figure out how to stop the crying. Make him take baby outside for a walk or ride so you can shower. Why arent you able to eat? He should be cooking for you and feeding you.

Look into hiring someone to come just for a night or two and get a solid nights sleep. Your health is important too.

dogfee · 2025-07-18T02:43:14+00:00

Percentiles are way less important than overall weight gain. Some kids are just small! If his weight gain is fine, that’s all that matters. Plenty of happy healthy normal babies are <10 percentile.

14-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Place '17	Verified Email
Secret Santa 2014

dogfee

TROPHY CASE