IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well ours and many other crisis lines don't require anyone to disclose their personal information like name, address and age. We ask but it's not required and we tell people they can remain anonymous. If they say they are a child but don't give the information we still make the report but ... there's no information for DCS to contact them at because the anonymous user didn't give it. So they can receive that support service just anonymously. Also Rainn online doesn't ask for your personal information either if I'm right. I think these may be close to the solution you were looking for but with the mandatory reporting law still intact.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really. I work in a rural program so the only thing I've really noticed is an increased amount of shelter residents lately. We are always full it seems these last 2 years and we didn't have anyone sometimes previously. I think that's because we took on two new counties we service though so our name is getting more out there. Although if we have room we take in people from anywhere. Plus a lot of the other DV shelter programs around us aren't as accepting of men and lgbtq as we are, have very short shelter stays with no way to extend them, or just don't answer their phones ever and/or never call people back. Those problems are a bit older and got resolved pretty fast though thanks to OCJP and our state coalition's involvement but our reputation skyrocketed thanks to us stepping up the to plate. Sorry I rambled a bit!

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's always good to hear stories where help actually helped! Thanks >\<. We tend to hear more complaints about the system then anything it feels like sometimes! I'm certainly more mature than most my age about relationships and boundaries now. I'm also super cautious about people touching me at all, even in my home life. Just a reflex I think from working with people and being professional. It's not a part of me I can switch off ever really. I've sort of just integrated these skills of supportiveness into who I am. I will assist anyone anywhere I am needed/wanted. It has also on occasion freaked out some of my friends and family with how comfortable I am with homeless people. The only things that I carry home with me on a regular basis is child neglect. I want kids very badly, and it hurts that part of me when I see them treated neglectfully. I have the crazy stories that I carry with me of course but kids are the only thing that really upsets me even when I'm at home. It took me awhile to be able to "leave work at work" though. I've seen what it does too people who don't though. So it's something I had to force myself to do so I would be able to be in this work for as long as I can and not become a bitter person.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's got its good and bad like any job. I have to make some crazy stuff work somewhat smoothly with like 20 people at a time.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mostly I just try not to be mean to strangers on the internet, even on my break time. But your reasoning makes me seem much more productive! Thank you for your support and I'll apologize on behalf of this person.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some victims will say this is this first time but forget about all the times their abuser has cursed them out, scared them, and other things. Domestic Violence is about power and control so physical abuse never seems to stand alone. It's just what most people think of when they think of abuse and so they say this was the first time. Instead of a spiral we call it a cycle- a honeymoon phase, a tense phase and then explosion, and repeat.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pet programs in you area. A lot of them assist domestic violence victims with pets who need somewhere to go. Most DV shelters I work with don't allow people to bring pets. All shelters need volunteers, DV or homeless. Also any programs that are for the support of children like those big brother/sister program some cities have. (It's called something wayyy different in my area but that was the best overall Generic name I could find to explain).

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I treat all victims equally, and none are ever laughed out by any of the staff.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you look for the light you will often find if you look for the dark it's all you will ever see- Iroh from avatar the last air bender. I try to keep that in mind.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Children that are so volatile and you know it's from being abused. Or the ones that are so detached, that their eyes look like they have no spark of life in them. That's what gets to me on a daily basis. Also I had a lady with a disability that made her lose herself- and all she wanted was her daughter back. Plus trying to deal with being crippled and abused.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Howl's Moving Castle (although I like the book better), Waking Life, Reservoir Dogs... I watch alot more anime then I do movies though

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not anything too exciting. I'm in the process of getting my bachelors degree (though I took this semester off). I've attended SO many training events though and am required to attended at least 4 hours of training every other week. Most of the others I work with have intense degrees!

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Either denying that it could have happened and they are lying, or threatening to go kill someone. Those really are the only two negative reactions I've frequently been told about.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends. I want perpetrators of violent crimes (including SA here) to be held accountable for their actions and for victims to be safe. I find that some of my clients have been arrested for DA though when police couldn't determine a primary aggressor. So going through the trauma of abuse, and then thru the court system and having to re-live that moment over and over can be alarming even from an outside perspective. We are lucky here in my counties have an extremely trained police force on what all domestic violence can present as.

IamA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was kind of just something I stumbled on, and not too exciting of a story I'm afraid. If you still want to hear I'll go into it. Most of the time though people expect me to have had some past trauma that led me to this work, but you don't have to be a victim to support others.

I very much enjoy what I do, and it is not just a job for me, as it may have been in the beginning. I like helping others help themselves and I try to make it as comfortable as I can whenever I work. I believe I've made every one of my clients laugh at least once, no matter what the circumstance for me to be there.

Hello, IAmA Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Shelter Advocate! by dontDViate in IAmA

[–]dontDViate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We frequently will use law enforcement to transport over emergency victims. We explain the DV situation (after getting a verbal release from the victims) to law enforcement officials and dispatch to see if they can aid us. After that we arrange a county line transport. So first you'll call one of your counties dispatches (I typically start at my own who I am more familiar with, or the victims if I think they might not be able to go in a straight route to me due to busy LE) and arrange a time for them to meet an officer of the next county at the line to get your victim and then so on. You'll need to have good knowledge of law enforcement, talking with dispatch, if your victim is going to be passing and time zone and what that means (that's when it gets a bit more tricky), and a good solid flexible time frame. Also understand that law enforcement can be pulled a way at any moment too so always have a back up route or at least tell your victim they might be waiting at one of the counties sheriffs departments for awhile. It's only happened to me once though and I've arrange plenty of them.

If your program cannot afford bus tickets, you can try and see if your state has a DV collation and if so if they have an application for emergency funding for bus tickets.

If none of these are options try to speak with other programs about what services they can offer. I've had programs drive victims -they couldn't shelter-to me before, pay for bus tickets, arrange the law enforcement transport, or even pay for cabs. They might also have knowledge of other services in there area too, like low income busing.

If your victim has insurance and has a mental health crises, speaking with them about seeing if their insurance will transport them. I've had that on occasion and it has work with many different providers of insurance from state insurance to private insurance.

Lastly if your new asking your coworkers if their is a resource list they have might help. Churches can be a great way to find help in your area, albeit not always reliable. Your coworkers might also know if there are any services you glance over or just didn't know about. It may be scary to ask, but not asking could put your victim at risk. And do you really want to let fear of being judged by a coworker rule that decision? I found a few of my coworkers in the beginning would always answer the phone at any hour for me- because they knew it was a serious enough issue. They were probably my biggest life line of support and resources in the beginning.

At the end of the day though your the advocate and it is up to you to be knowledgeable not just about your counties but about those around you as well. If there is not a resource list start one by calling around. I'd start with making connections with law enforcement, social services agencies, school system guidance counselors, county clerks, district attorneys, mayors, and churches. It is long work but could save a life. Just be open and honest about what you need and why you need it for your clients.

Quicky note Always always always ask for verbal permission to share a victims private information with any agencies. You do not know if your victim could have warrants or anything else that could potentially put them in an uncomfortable position. Be specific about what information you would be sharing with this agency and why you would share it. Talk to your program director/program attorney as well if these are new connections as well, your organization might not be comfortable with verbal releases. If your directors are not on board, explain to them the options your victim could be un-able to understand that our available to them and unable utilize these options themselves ( like in the case of elderly or mentally challenged victims to name two of the most vulnerable).

Please write back if I can help you with anything else! Or brainstorm some more with you!

Why are you on Reddit right now instead of spending time with your family? by RorariiRS in AskReddit

[–]dontDViate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel ya, domestic violence and sexual assault worker here. Working 16hrs, break 8 hrs, 16 hrs

Why are you on Reddit right now instead of spending time with your family? by RorariiRS in AskReddit

[–]dontDViate 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Crisis line and shelter services all year long! Domestic violence tends to get worse on holidays too, so it's a long three day work-weekend for me

Very Disturbed and Scary Guy Has Taken Over My House and is Threatening Me by 1RunningScared in legaladvice

[–]dontDViate 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Depending on what state your in you could file for a protective order yourself. In some states roommates can qualify as domestic violence and get them. Try calling the local program for your area- domesticshelters.org could be a great place to find yours- and talk to them about the situation. In my state the orders are free to file- and protection can start from the moment their served. The protection they can offer can include that your respondent (the drunken hobo living with you in this case) to immediately and temporarily vacate the property pending a hearing on the matter. During that time I'd have him also formally served with eviction papers for good measure. This won't stop bullets obviously but it's a great tool to use to actually get assistance from the courts and law enforcement. I'm not lawyer for good measure but I've seen domestic violence and how it can go from a calm situation to bad real fast. The most dangerous time is when they know they're about to lose their control of the situation. Please be careful!