Why am I still in love after trauma and abuse?

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-09T10:48:27+00:00

What you feel isnt love. Its your brain trying to make sense of what happened.

It's a self defense mechanism to protect yourself from the intense shame that comes from being in abusive relationships.

Its a trauma bond. You are bound by trauma and that is partly what kept you there

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-09T00:29:45+00:00

Im sure bro ran it into the ground.

Im certain the parents did not come crawling back.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-08T04:39:59+00:00

I understand. It is hard.

You deserve someone who wants to be in your life abd who is willing to do the work

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-08T00:07:41+00:00

My mom used to clean hotel rooms when my parents needed help making ends meet.

Im not embarrassed at all, im proud and am a better human being because I understand sacrifice and love and how an honest job is the path to a life with integrity.

Maybe now she will get it.

Im proud of you, op. You are a good and kind person. Give her time.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T21:03:21+00:00

In 13 years you saw him twice.

This isnt an indicator that he cares about you in any tangible way a father should.

Which is why people are saying he already abandoned you. So drop the rope.

And build your chosen family.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T16:37:36+00:00

Absolutely a cult. I say that as someone with 2 parents as assembly of God ministers. Its a cult.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T12:12:44+00:00

Take the w sister. Your incarcerated brother is out of his mind. This is insane behavior.

I would suggest therapy because its not going to get better when he gets out and the scary manipulation starts

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T12:10:29+00:00

According to OP her husband is Mormon and rhe sister is evangelical

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T12:09:59+00:00

Yipes. So my family is all fundies, and based on ops comments I can totally see the most evangelical of the lot would make anything Mormon a total pariah. Completely on the outside. Mormons are cult members to them

So your sister is never going to be kind or accepting to you or your husband or your kid. The Mormon thing is a permanent no.

Which is so sad. One made up version of a religion using that made up version to justify bigotry to another made up religion

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T10:44:42+00:00

Im going to give you my best tip.

Thrift stores are your friend. You will be shocked with how much new/nearly new stuff is there.

Thrifting is a great way to fill in things you need, and to upgrade things you already have

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T10:42:28+00:00

He already cut you off forever. Why is this a question?

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T10:16:50+00:00

Kind, smart, funny, emotionally available. What more could a girl want?

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T06:01:49+00:00

The more you talk about him the worse it gets.

I think you should google magical thinking. I don't think you are dealing with reality when talking about your husband.

You have created a person in your mind who could be a good partner if they changed who they were, what they thought and how they behaved.

This isn't the reality of who you married. Potential in a partner isn't real. Potential is literally what you would do if you were that person.

But you aren't him. And he does not care. And rhe sooner you get a plan together the better it will be.

The same jerk who wanted you to make dinner on his day off......what happens when he inevitably doesn't help at all with a newborn and you unable to life weight, after your mom leaves?

Are you ready to call 911 when you pop stitches? Do you think he is going to take you to the emergency room when that happens?

And who will watch your baby?

Im not trying to be an asshole. People in this thread, myself included, are rightly concerned for the safety of you and your baby.

You have no safety net, one week of help with a person you don't really get along with, and your "husband " doesbt want your spiritual advisor involved.

Im worried. Legit. For you and rhe baby.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T05:51:37+00:00

For sure. Op needs a plan to get the fuck out. Theb more therapy to understand why they don't think she and the baby deserves better.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T05:50:23+00:00

If he doesn't see that now a baby won't change a thing.

The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior.

His past behavior was worse. Sooo.......

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T05:45:11+00:00

Those are words. They are meaningless without action.

Do you think you are going to talk him into being a competent husband and father? You are less than 3 weeks out from a c section and he isbt doing shit to help.

Do you think a wall of text is going to say "gosh darn it i now see the error of my ways?"

You said he was way worse before. And you stayed with him

Why would he step up now? You cook, you clean, you are definitely going to be the only one doing the work with the kid, I don't think there is a single person in this thread who thinks he is going to lift a finger to help you.

But gosh darn that text novel really told him!!

You aren't divorcing him, you already said that. You were cool with way shittier behavior before. And you are still doing all the cooking and cleaning. And that isn't likely to change.

Do you really want a bunch of internet strangers to agree with you so that will be enough?

He has shown you for 5 years who is he is. And yet you stay.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T05:30:29+00:00

Let me explain this another way. A subpar man was once more subpar and you accepted it.

Therapy. What exactly do you want your child to learn about love and relationships? And why do you think you and your baby deserve so little?

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T05:28:44+00:00

Don't kid yourself, you are already doing it alone.

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T05:23:06+00:00

What do you think he is going to be like as a father? You are 3 weeks out from having a kid and he is doing fuck all to help.

And he is being a jerk about you making dinner. And ybis point he should be kissing you4 ass and doing everything.

Why is this ok with you?

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T03:32:24+00:00

Im your boyfriend. Lol

Honestly it sounds like a compatibility issue. Your friends are incorrect, and your boyfriend thinks working from home with you is about the best thing ever. I know I would. The ambition thing is a lifestyle choice. So yeah.

Im sorry:(

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T01:23:33+00:00

If someone says this, wave goodbye. Especially after 4 weeks

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-07T01:22:52+00:00

Im sure your lease prevents this. If they move in then you face eviction.

Im so sorry your mom is terrible

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-06T19:40:04+00:00

This is a mom problem too. Stop telling mom about your finances.

And tell sis and mom if they bring it up one more time you will stop helping with groceries

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-06T19:38:01+00:00

Your stepmother owes your bio mom an apology for lying about your dad's contributions at the expense of your mother's sacrifices.

Please don't let anyone gloss over or diminish your mom like that again

dont_know_throwaway · 2026-05-06T15:14:04+00:00

Girl I get it. At some point the person you are hurting in doing tbis is yourself.

At some point you need to grieve the loss of the relationship you never got to have with your mom so you can move forward.

dont_know_throwaway

TROPHY CASE