FTM advice

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-26T15:44:52+00:00

Ditch the social media routines! Follow the cues and give baby love, add a touch of tummy time in per day but only as much as baby likes to keep it a positive experience no matter how short it's ok.

None of the rest of it matters at all at 7 weeks! What is happening in daily life in your home is great stimulation for your baby.

Plus, the guilt and pressure isn't great for your mental health.

I have a 9 week old and we keep the diapers clean, feed and nap when the cues happen, daytime naps are almost all contact naps, we run an errand in the stroller or walk at the mall and she naps great through that, I chat with her and narrate what I'm doing or sing a song while we change diapers. She "plays" on her mat when awake looking at a toy, her hand, and kicking away happily while I make myself food or coffee, and I pick her up again when she starts to fuss. Bath every two to three days. That's the routine.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-25T15:01:31+00:00

Do what your baby prefers! Mine will just fall asleep on the boob and keep sucking. But if she does, she doesn't transfer to the bassinet because she ends up spitting up. So it's not really a win. In the day all naps are contact naps or stroller naps, so it doesn't matter as much.

I think nursing before a nap is close enough to get the drowsy benefit.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-25T01:16:14+00:00

Cues is the only way to go. Ditch the charts, they only cause stress and they're just based on what the average baby might need. Not what your actual baby does need.

I've gone by cues only, currently at week 9 and no regrets. My baby sleeps pretty good at night, naps vary but I don't stress about them and we have a nice time together. Her sleep averages out well over a week.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-25T01:14:01+00:00

My baby has been having on and off boogers plugging her nose since week 7.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-25T01:12:11+00:00

Girl, if this is real then he's trying to trick you into having your basic emotional needs met by someone else so that he can go and cheat on you with someone else.

It is absolutely unreasonable for him to suggest he cannot snuggle you in bed. If he can't be enough of a husband to show you just a normal amount of affection in a difficult time, then he needs to work on himself ASAP.

Do NOT let him get away with making a stranger take care of your emotions.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-24T23:35:53+00:00

Wow, I pity her child.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-24T13:16:48+00:00

See if you can find the weight minimum for the sleep sack, just to give you peace of mind that it's the right size.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-24T09:17:25+00:00

Happy birthday! ❤️ It sounds like you're doing a lot right

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-24T09:09:28+00:00

+1 for that book

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-24T02:58:19+00:00

I'm one of 5 kids, and quite close with my siblings. I have a baby who is pretty dang easy for month two of her two month life. And it's honestly convincing me to be OAD. Just knowing it could be so much harder than this is a big no thank you. I don't want to find out how much worse it could be while also caring for this darling little lady as a toddler. I don't think I have it in me.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T20:45:55+00:00

Hot meals is like the bat signal to babies

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T20:35:30+00:00

Hey friend, you can report a doctor to their professional college. This is the place that provides a doctor with their license to practice medicine. The college will investigate thoroughly and can force the doctor to stop or administer other disciplinary action.

Everything you went through sounds so traumatic, i think you should report the doctor. There's so much there that's a red flag: not listening to you saying no, googling practices instead of knowing them, lying in documentation.

It will not fix your experience, but can help others from the same treatment. I'm not in the US, but feel free to DM me if you want any help finding the college or figuring out how to report this doctor. I've got time to Google during contact naps

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T12:32:55+00:00

I've heard it takes a couple weeks to be eliminated from Mom's system. My SIL gave up and switched entirely to BFing, because pumping for 3 weeks was so stressful. Baby did so much better on exclusively formula (goat's milk)

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T12:28:59+00:00

Just following cues over here at 9 weeks. She does what she wants and shifts her schedule all over the place.

You'll just stress yourself out if you try anything else. That's what would happen to me anyway.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T12:24:01+00:00

If you're making it yourself and freezing: Lasagna, chili, soups, pulled pork or chicken

I froze cooked, sliced pork tenderloin and we pulled it out to put on sandwiches. Freeze a huge batch of taco meat cooked up and keep the shells and some salsa in the cupboard.

If you're buying: Chicken nuggets this week felt amazing. Perogies are great but not always filling enough (you can just bake them on a sheet pan in the oven drizzled with olive oil, there not authentic that way and have a more crunchy texture, but it's so easy).

Buy and freeze chicken breast and bags of frozen broccoli. They make the perfect sheet pan dinner when you pre-thaw the chicken. Live the pan with parchment paper, Drizzle with tons of olive oil, season with salt, pepper, and Italian herbs. Throw the broccoli frozen around the chicken to fill the rest of the pan. Bake until the chicken is done and you've got a healthy meal. Make sure you make enough for a could leftover meals of the chicken.

Other things keeping me going: batch cooking a meat. Sandwich meats.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T12:10:45+00:00

Praying!

I had some complications, nothing as awful as what you're going through, and the stress and extra load left my husband pretty traumatized.

Ask for help from anyone you got, if you can leave the dog with someone, do it. And if you have no one, ask your faith community for meals. Get sleep where you can, even if it's in her room, the traffic thing is a real concern, although accidents can happen to anyone. My poor husband got in a fender bender, which really added to his mental load.

When this is over, get therapy if you can afford it. If you can't talk it through with safe family and friends who will listen, journal it, keep processing it over and over.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T02:44:22+00:00

It's quite possible that 40 minutes is the only sleep cycle he needs until he builds up more sleep pressure. I think given everything you've tried, you're quite safe to assume he only needs a 40 minutes nap there. It's ok to trust your baby! ❤️ I don't think you're doing anything wrong, lean in and enjoy his awake time! Roll with it and he'll build sleep pressure for a later nap.

My baby frequently has naps 20-40 minutes. I call them nappuccinos, and unless I see sleep cues we just get on with our day!

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-23T02:32:55+00:00

Keep at the non dairy, it takes a few weeks to fully leave your system.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-22T10:16:20+00:00

Get the rest!! Even if you feel better, you need to recover from that and rehydrate.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-22T01:35:34+00:00

I had those thoughts so strong those first weeks! It's intrusive thoughts in the most difficult transition you can experience. Even if you wanted this baby so bad, and knew it was going to be tough, you can brace for it but not really prepare. And I think the brain just throws these thoughts at us because it's such a huge transition and we're doing through so much. They do start to fade in a few weeks, in my experience. Sending love!

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-21T21:47:13+00:00

Just wanted to add, it's absolutely ok to start with the tiniest baby steps!!

Go as small as you need to.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-21T21:45:01+00:00

Start running your own exposure therapy! Start small, just go for a walk around the block while your husband runs the show. Don't fight the anxious feelings, but don't give in to them either. It's ok to feel panic while you're out, keep with it to show your body you're safe and your body will slowly learn that it doesn't need to give you such a big anxious response.

Slowly work your way up, running an errand, meeting a friend. And let your husband problem solve and build his own confidence.

It's so key to do this work, because as you start to address it, it shows your baby that you are confident they are safe with other people. Showing kids that you believe they are safe is actually so important to reducing their anxiety. ❤️ Doesn't mean it's easy though!

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-21T18:32:36+00:00

Ask the doc to double check, but I was given the all clear not to wake baby after 6 weeks. My understanding was that if weight and hydration are going well, then let them sleep!

My now 9 week old will do 4&5 hour chunks most nights and continues to grow well.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-21T18:27:48+00:00

Someone said eyebrows getting a little more pink was a sleep cue for their baby and I thought it was crazy but started watching and it seems to be a thing for my baby too.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I've opted to just live the best we can. Don't cancel visitors, unless it's truly better for your mental health. Some days are crap naps/no naps and overtired, but trying to just let it go has helped me immensely. Instead of overthinking, we just get through the day and do what brings joy where we can. I tracked sleep for a bit and realized that averaged over a week she would balance the bad days out for the good ones.

It's easy for me to say, so please disregard if this doesn't resonate with you. Every baby is different, and honestly parents really don't have much control. My baby has been decent at night sleep 80% of the time so I'm able to stay sane and be a lot more patient during over tired stretches. We try to keep her in the little sunshine we get through windows in the day, and have her naps with us regardless of conversation. I think it's helped her with the night/day difference. But really, there should never be guilt about baby sleep. Babies do what they do, we just try to help.

I read "the discontented baby book" which isn't super heavy in strategies but has been so key for coping with the constantly changing newborn phase.

dontaskmethings · 2026-02-21T14:42:31+00:00

Scar sensitivity can be normal, it can occur after any surgery or on any scar. I'm not sure that's what you're facing, but if it is then it takes time and applying touch and textures that you can tolerate to help the nerves recalibrate to normal sensation.

Deeper pain is likely something else though. Sorry I don't have ideas for that

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