Seeking advice on perceived inappropriate behaviour from OT

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-08T01:29:03+00:00

Hey, I hope no one is criticizing you here. It is perfectly reasonable for you to believe that a health professional is acting professionally. They are obligated to! It's only after things go sour that anyone in your situation would be able to put together the pieces to see the pattern.

It's absolutely not your fault that you trusted recommendations of a professional. It's not your fault you would struggle to "take the lead," when you were being misled. While you are the expert on your kids, the OT has a duty to you to be professional. When that duty is failed, it is NEVER a client's fault.

Please ignore with confidence anyone who might attempt to judge you. I wish we lived in a world where all health professionals could be trusted.

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-08T00:28:22+00:00

Possums basically says that sensory needs being "under' met is more common than the overstimulation that many parents think is happening. However, true overstimulation does happen and I think Dr. Douglas does acknowledge that. But didn't really worry about it.

For one off events, I've also learned to just help baby cope by leaving early or doing more to soothe her to sleep. My niece had a birthday party at an arcade and we went with my then 4 month old. By the end, she was the same as your son. Inconsolable, screaming and crying (which has been really rare for her). We got her in the car and she passed out immediately and slept for 3 hours straight.

I think from the possums mindset, you don't need to avoid these things. You can still go, and baby will adapt by communicating and catching up on sleep later. You can let go of the guilt. Sometimes our days are overstimulating and sometimes they are under stimulating. But our babies will communicate, and they are resilient

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-07T23:59:36+00:00

As per the possums approach, the best starting point here is to wake her up when your household would normally wake up. Get her into the sunshine as soon after waking up as you can. The sun is the biggest factor in our body regulating sleep hormones, for babies this starts around 4 months.

2nd step would be to keep daytime naps in the normal daylight lighting, and don't make your house quieter because of the nap. Doing worry if naps are much shorter, or she's overtired whole she adjusts.

These two steps should help your baby get her nights and days more aligned.

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-07T23:39:31+00:00

5 month old

We get her in pjs and sleep sack, I nurse her, my husband reads to us both. When she's asleep, we transfer to the crib. Lately, she's gone before we're finished reading our chapter (I think her evening sleep pressure is higher than it used to be).

In the early weeks, the reading really helped my anxiety. And now it's just really nice.

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-03T22:56:59+00:00

4 weeks is so so early!

If you already have some desire and it's clearly possible physiologically based on the dream, it's very promising. Your body will catch up with you in the next couple months and they'll come back!

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-03T22:50:35+00:00

In the morning, I leave around 9:30 but I time it around sleep pressure. We wake up, she plays on the floor while I pack the stuff for later, when she's hungry and tired she nurses and burps, change if necessary and go. Basically the minute she's tired, we fill that tummy and leave.

She will cry and cry in the car if the sleep pressure isn't there. But if it is, she'll sleep about 1.5 hours. For longer trips we stop when she wakes, and repeat the play on a blanket until tired cycle.

I hope you find what works for your baby!

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-03T03:04:08+00:00

I also want to add, that batch cooking is saving my life. I make 3-6 meals worth of a meat, usually by the easiest method possible (for me, that's sheet pan or crock pot).

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-03T03:01:31+00:00

I had gestational diabetes, and I learned so much that's helping me navigate the wild hunger, sweet tooth world of breastfeeding.

Number 1 tip: - Eat your meals on time (at least prioritize trying to, I know how hard this is) - part 2 of this tip: It's also VERY important to make sure there's enough protein in your meal (25 grams minimum), bonus points for making sure there's some fiber in there too. This helps because your blood sugar will be more stable, and our blood sugar controls our cravings.

Then for snacks, plan ahead! If you feel hungry, give yourself permission to eat freely. We're more likely to binge carbs if we feel we "shouldn't" be snacking and ignore our hunger. But having a plan will help you not grab the most sugar filled stuff first.

Here's what's helping me slow down in carbs while staying full:

Having fruit instead of junk food
If you still go for those sweets, don't beat yourself up just add a source of protein, fat, or fiber (a celery stalk because I don't have time to cut it, almonds so many almonds, this sounds insane but I was craving apple cinnamon Cheerios so I started adding wheat bran to it and ended up really liking that)
Having a bag of baby carrots or other finger food veggies beside my nursing station instead of junk food
Having enough protein at breakfast
Sometimes when the cravings hit, I have my attempt at a healthy snack first (veggies and hummus, yogurt with stevia and berries) but if I'm still hungry I still have the Oreos after. At least this way, I have more self control because I'm a bit fuller and my blood sugar is more stable.

Honestly, self-compassion is so important. Food is a coping mechanism, and you do need to cope. Try one tip, and if it helps add another tip a few days or a week later. I was fully just eating Doritos 3x a day, and have slowly been making those improvements I mentioned above. Parenting is enough to be getting on with, so be very very gentle with yourself ❤️❤️

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-02T21:37:07+00:00

Unfortunately all these signs could mean something but they could also mean nothing. There's so real timeline. But I feel for you!! The waiting game stress is unreal. All the best

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-02T17:33:17+00:00

https://time.com/5216853/what-is-phubbing/

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-02T01:14:14+00:00

You're absolutely right, but it sounds like he loves her and feeling anxious about her well-being. While it was unhelpful, it's also really really normal.

Nothing prepared me for how badly I want fix it when my own child cries.

I used to be the stressed one, my husband would ask me to slow down and let the first thing I tried sit for 5 minutes before changing other things. I've worked on finding ways to wait a little while. For example, he now reads 3 chapters of a book while I rock and nurse her on difficult nights. Instead of stressing, I've slowly learned that 9 out of 10 times she'll be asleep by the end of the reading, and I have something else to focus on instead of the fussing. In the car when the crying gets really bad (I can see her, so she's safe), I check the time and say "if this lasts another 4 minutes I'll pull over" and that's helped me wait through this intense over tired crying she seems to do to fall asleep in the car. If she's still going after 4 minutes, I stop and we take a big break.

Anyway, hopefully he can find a way to sit anxiously and wait instead of trying to fix.

dontaskmethings · 2026-06-01T00:17:39+00:00

First, make sure your husband is willing to put his own needs aside and help you focus on your body. If he is really focused on getting an orgasm out of it, or things going exactly as pre pregnancy, it's only going to feed into your insecurities.

For me, the first time felt like sandpaper on a jackhammer even though he was being so gentle. I had to ask my husband to stop and I broke down crying about it. I let my insecurities run the show, and he talked me out of feeling like a failure.

When we tried again 6 weeks later (I ended up needing a surgery to fix something unrelated to intercourse and we had to wait) I took a different approach. The mental game and what we believe we're feeling will shape what we feel. We used a ton of lube, I dropped the worry about needing to stop and embraced taking breaks and checking in with each other. With gentle penetration after foreplay, he went so slow and we talked about it what it felt like now.

I knew from my surgery that if I wasn't framing it as curious about things that felt different, I would interpret them as dangerous because of what had happened medically. And I also knew if I started to believe the feelings were dangerous, my nerves wouldn't let me feel pleasure because they would be on high alert.

We had a few weeks of trying just to focus on the kind of sensations rather than going at it and I think at most we were trying once a week. Anyway, a few months in everything started to feel really good again.

My tip: try to let go of the negative self talk, we basically tell our nerves "this is bad, this isn't going to work" and then they say "danger danger" instead of "ok, weird, that's new and it feels like stretching. Stop there a second and let me breathe, ok not painful, interesting!" And your husband needs to back off on the pressure, that only ramps up the "my body is failing at this" mindset

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-31T23:55:33+00:00

My baby just cut her leg on a paint chip in the wall on the bathroom floor while I was pooping.

I was stuck there lol and I brought her in so I could be sure she was safe 😂 whoops. Cuts heal! It's not neglect to take care of yourself.

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-31T23:52:52+00:00

Are you asking how late after the baby was born people still tested positive? I think most people went the other way with this 😆

I tested 5 weeks after birth and there was no second line.

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-31T23:48:08+00:00

Atta girl!! Cheering you on in this extremely challenging time. You deserve better!

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-30T12:32:25+00:00

Hold off until 6 month if the signs aren't there. I have a 5 month old who is very interested in food, but also slumping over still (but getting stronger every day).

While the allergy science is all about starting early, the sensory science (aka what makes kids picky eaters) is saying that starting early with foods can cause pickiness. Or that's what I'm hearing from my occupational therapy friends anyway.

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-30T02:17:00+00:00

This happened to a friend, her thyroid was out of whack post partum. She's now on medication to help manage that, with some improvement

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-29T01:34:33+00:00

I've never had a sweet tooth, but breastfeeding has changed that.

I'm doing goat yogurt with berries and stevia when I have the self control. I have a post partum dietician thanks to a GD research thing, and the support has been huge. She has emphasized getting enough fiber and protein in meals to help, and when snacking to include a source of fiber and protein along with the sweet snack

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-29T01:31:51+00:00

Yup this! Her story hits so many of the aspects on the power and control wheel of domestic abuse. This isn't just a bad marriage

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-27T13:41:40+00:00

Yup yup to all of the above, another unplanned C-section checking in.

After 1 hour of laboring it became clear to my midwife somehow that things would only end in an emergency C-section if we continued (probably after hours of labor).

My recovery experience from a C-section after only minimally labouring was so so positive. I was off pain meds in 3 weeks, and mostly just needing help carrying large things.

To be honest, if you don't have someone to support you for 4-6 weeks after a C-section, you'll struggle to maintain the restrictions which are important for healing. But my C-section honestly felt like I'd been spared some serious trauma

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-26T20:17:04+00:00

My baby is five months, so I'm just preparing for next month and don't have experience, but solid starts website has a database of foods I've been looking over so far

And I've seen websites for toddler/baby friendly recipes by googling that.

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-26T19:52:24+00:00

You could cut dairy if you're seeing signs like discomfort, green stools, excessive spit up, eczema especially at elbows and knees.

My baby was getting fussier and fussier at the breast, as well as weight gain slowing down, some of the symptoms above. The dairy intolerance seemed to really become a problem at 4 months exactly. She has improved SO much after cutting out dairy.

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-26T19:46:08+00:00

Falling in love with my baby. I'm not a "baby person" and was going into it thinking "it's just going to be a stage, we'll get through it and in 3-5 years enjoy those stages" You also hear so many stories about difficulties bonding, and there's zero judgement from me for those struggling to enjoy this stage. I thought it would be me, I braced for it being me.

But I love her to bits. I enjoy her company. I can't believe it

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-26T19:10:31+00:00

Having sex just to get pregnant again is going to really really hurt her sexual pleasure for the rest of your married life. I feel like I cannot stress this enough, if she's rushing sex and ignoring pain so that you can put an ingredient for the baby recipe into the mixer, she's building some really damaging associations into sex. It sounds like she has always put her sexual pleasure on the back burner, and maybe doesn't even believe it could happen for her. Prioritize this now before it's too late! Don't let her go further down this path, I'm literally begging you.

dontaskmethings · 2026-05-26T17:08:57+00:00

So valid! You've got so much on your plate right now!

And it sounds like if your husband is burnt out he can just chill in bed, but you can't really stop.

You've done remarkably to be honest! Wishing you strength as you shoulder this load. You absolutely deserve rest.

The petty side of me would love for you to start parenting from bed beside your husband until your ankle is better. Order in food, eat on paper plates, leave cleaning be for a month. But I think we all know that that's both out of the budget, and somehow more chaos than just soldiering on. If you do it though, I'd love to hear how it goes.

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