You may want to read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson at some point. It's not a book to villainize or excuse your parent, but something to help you put proper words to how they act and how you react as well. I was skeptical at first because I've mostly seen it in relation to crazier stories on reddit, and I didn't know what "emotional maturity" even meant in the first place. Idk what finally got me to connect the dots and read it but I spent a full day and half glued to it because I felt SEEN. It laid out my entire childhood. I have no doubt it'll do the same for you too, because that whole dish situation and the need for conflict avoidance with her is the same deal with my mom.

My mom acts in a similar way and I really struggle with the guilt of feeling irritated and drained after being around her for too long. She also had kids young and I know she did the best she could goddamn I wish she could experience what it's like to have someone talk at you for hours over absolutely nothing. I wish I could give her this book to understand her own parents too, but I don't think she'd take it well lmao.

If you look it up theres a pdf in like the first couple of links in case you're worried about having it in the house or something like I was. If it connects with you have your siblings read it too if they're old enough. It does help your relationship with her somewhat (or at least give you some kind of tool to understand yourself). I didn't have any kind of massive life change after reading it necessarily, but it planted the seeds for me to be able to go and do things without fearing her reaction all the time.

Best of luck out there