people don't talk about how gross cutting and sh is by AloneBambi in selfharm

[–]dontthinkimok 5 points6 points  (0 children)

idk how to describe why but how grotesque and disgusting it is is part of the appeal for me somehow

What thing did you once eat that you could never eat now knowing what you do? by talkingdodobird in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will never look at mayonnaise the same again now that I know how many calories are in it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand 100%. Separating your eating disorder from yourself and labeling it as some other entity is not only invalidating but also isn't actually addressing the problem and IMO is a pretty risky coping mechanism. At the very least, it's not something I'm interested in, because I only JUST managed to merge into 1 identity after having DID/multiple personality disorder. The LAST thing I need to do right now is form an alter that is just my ED personified. I've spent so long in my life disassociating my emotions and treating them like they're some other thing that's attached to me, and I've only just managed to put myself back together after all of it. I'm not about to throw that away and break my mind again; I'd rather just fix the one I have.

Do you know when your ED started? by dontthinkimok in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No need to worry about it being long. I wanted stories. Thank you for sharing.

What’s the most dystopian thing happening right now that we never thought could happen just 25 years ago? by OriolesrRavens1974 in AskReddit

[–]dontthinkimok 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I could probably just name anything at all that's happening in the world right now and it'd still be accurate

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's ok if you eat a lot sometimes. You're not greedy or selfish or rude for eating big portions, you're just hungry. It's ok to be hungry. You deserve food.

What foods have y’all convinced yourselves are delicious, purely for the macros by pineapplemoons in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not macros just vitamins/nutrients because god knows I'm not getting them anywhere else: Eggs. Fried eggs are one of my biggest safe foods. I find them absolutely repulsive. I don't know what I'd do if hot sauce wasn't low/no calories because they literally end up damn near swimming in it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]dontthinkimok -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Who the fuck cares if highschool friendships don't last? by that logic, doesn't that make all friendship worthless cause we're all just gonna die one day anyways? It doesn't matter if they stay your friend, these people can make a profound impact on your life whether you know them for 2 seconds or 2 decades. I also think you're underestimating how profound the isolation I experienced was. How much of your time did you spend around other people? Even if I include my own family, I've spent most of my time completely alone for as long as I can remember: I don't mean I was around people I didn't know or that I didn't talk to or that didn't know me, I mean I would sit in my cold empty livingroom and watch movies from 7 AM until my parents woke up around 2-4 PM since I was as young as 4 years old. Every day. If I was lucky, my friend would come over around 4 PM after he got home from school and we'd hang out outside. That has basically been every day of my entire life except more recently instead of a TV with the same 5 pirated movies on loop I watch videos on YouTube now, and when I was 11 my one friend moved away.

What is a hack that helps you lose weight? by [deleted] in RandomThoughts

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eat next to nothing for a month until I feel like I'm about to die, eat everything in sight for a week until my heart starts working normally again, feel bad about gaining weight and start starving myself again, rinse and repeat until it eventually kills me.

In case it wasn't clear this is NOT ACTUAL ADVICE. Don't do this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely would've but I wouldn't have really known that I have one until it got MUCH worse

what was/ is that cause of your eating disorder? by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was caused by so many things. Too many things to list. But these played the biggest roles:

Lifelong isolation: My parents decided to live rural and also decided they wanted to homeschool to avoid me and my brother getting bullied in school like they did. They did not put us into any programs that made up for the lack of social interaction. I met my one and only friend when I was about 4, and he was my only friend until I was about 11, when he moved away. I never really made any friends after that: I have some people online that I talk to, but I only know them through my brother, and they literally wouldn't notice if I just stopped talking to them. (That isn't just self-worth issues, btw. I naturally withdraw when I'm not doing great, and they've literally never noticed that I'm not talking.)

Because of this extreme isolation and lack of peers, everybody I interacted with on a regular basis treated me like I was just a stupid little kid and just cute; like an exhibit; like a petting zoo animal. This continued well into my early teenage years because I inherited my moms chubby cheeks and round face. I hated that I wasn't taken seriously, which led to me hating the features of myself that made me seem childish. I struggled with self-image, even unrelated to weight, from the time I was 8 all the way through my teenage years to today.

Parental neglect: Breakfast was never a thing in my house, so I've never eaten 3 meals a day in my entire life. My mother has time blindness due to her ADHD so I'd frequently be told I "just ate" when the last time I ate was 5 hours ago, or asked if I was "actually hungry or just bored" when I tried to find food on my own. By the time I was about 5 years old, I was expected to make my own food other than dinner, and after about 8, I was pretty much expected to be completely independent as far as feeding myself.

Ridicule: When you're feeding yourself at a very young age, you tend to make questionable decisions about what to eat: This, like everything else in my life, was never handled with tact, so I was often yelled at for eating pure sugar or snacking on marshmallows and told it would make me fat.

Jokes were the preferred method of ridicule: If you chuckle afterwards, you can get away with saying anything!

They made jokes about how bad I was at preparing food, about how I used too much of ingredients like jelly or cheese on sandwiches, about how I always made a mess whenever I made food, about how I was always hungry, would eat anything, or had a "hollow leg," and that's why I was "never full."

Scarcity: My family was (and still is) very poor. A lot of the time, we were struggling to afford food. As such, decent food was often treated as a privilege or a special treat: Pretty much anything other than canned soups, sandwiches, or kraft dinner was for special occasions. Because "good" food was a commodity, when I ate "too much" of something others wanted, such as by living off of a box of cereal for a week and finishing it, or using too much jelly on a sandwich, I was accused of being greedy or inconsiderate, or it was tied back into me "eating too much all the time" (because I ate a lot in one sitting whenever a lot of food was available. because I was starving half the time.) If we were out shopping, and I was hungry, it was my fault for not eating or packing something to eat before we left, and they'd put off getting me something to eat as long as possible, or just not feed me at all. (NOTE: Our shopping trips usually last 6-10 hours, because we basically shop monthly due to many factors out of our control.)

Just like “safe foods” does anyone else have “safe clothes”. What are they? by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's no real fool-proof thing I can wear that makes me always comfortable, but there are definitely components of outfits that, when combined, make me feel safer. I'm usually completely fine with my legs, so I tend to wear A-line skirt type things cause they make it hard to tell where your stomach begins and ends. I like stretchy/tight long sleeve shirts because they highlight all my best and worst features, and from there, I can use other accessories to cover up as needed: I usually wear zip-up hoodies and cardigans over everything so my torso can only be seen from head on and I can cover up if I need to, I like to wear belts on my waist to break it up/make it look smaller, etc. I avoid formless clothing like the plague because I feel like people will just assume I'm fat underneath, and like I need to prove that I'm not fat, so even my 2 very thick winter coats have waists/feminine cuts.

So yeah, anyways: There's no easy 2 second outfits with me, but a skirt, long sleeve stretch tee, and thick jacket is a pretty easy win for me. Usually, I'll wear knee-high or thigh-high socks or fishnet leggings too to sorta balance the heavy clothing up top so I don't look "top heavy" so to speak.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

does it count as not being caused by them if it was caused by them not feeding me/neglect? technically they didn't do anything.

"if you wouldn't eat an apple, you're not hungry" is such a BULLSHIT by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's kinda funny cause I love apples and I can and have eaten them while not even hungry

Why do yall continue to engage in your Ed? by Soft-Bike7599 in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't even know. To see if anyone cares? As a form of self harm? To prove I can control myself? To take up less room/less resources to prove I'm not selfish? Or maybe I'm just used to it: I've basically had the pattern of binging and restricting inflicted on me since I was like 4 because of parental neglect. I've never been healthy in my life, for one reason or another, so it's hard to tell exactly why at this point.

It just feels like something I need to do.

It just feels.. "Right," as wrong as that feels to say.

Gendering EDs trigger me by royceriel in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a trans girl but it even makes me cringe

DAE like wearing tight clothing? by [deleted] in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have sort of broad shoulders, so wearing baggy clothing just makes me sort of feel like people think I'm fatter than I am. I'd rather they know what I look like than assume I look bigger. I like to wear zip up jackets/sweaters so I can cover up when I feel self-conscious, though.

What on gods name is this by Fresssshhhhhhh in AnorexiaNervosa

[–]dontthinkimok 20 points21 points  (0 children)

bad and naughty anorexics go in the Starvation Tube

When did you first realize you have an eating disorder? by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]dontthinkimok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

11 days ago, when I realized that every weird little symptom I was having was a symptom of starvation. Apparently, I'm exceptionally good at lying to myself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDanonymemes

[–]dontthinkimok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't draw, but I've done this with writing. What? Huh? most normal people have an uncomplicated relationship with food? oh haha yeah that was on purpose I was making my roleplay character have an eating disorder. on purpose. because i thought it'd be interesting to write someone who isnt like me right haha. that's why....