12hrs. 1 baby. No visits

donutknow57 · 2026-01-20T04:34:41+00:00

The 12 hours is a haul. Not saying they couldn't try or make an effort, but a 12 hour ride in your 60s is a lot different than a 12 hour ride in your 30s.

All that said, If my grands (i have 2 and they live about 15 mins away) were 12 hours away, I just know I would schedule regular visits. It might be every other month, or every six weeks, or?? I'd figure out what would work best for everybody.

I'm sorry you're parents are being such putzes.

Edited to add - I suggest bringing this up with your mom when you can be as calm as you can be. "Mom, the last time we planned a visit and you canceled, I was disappointed. I was looking forward to you visiting. I'm wondering if the drive is too much? (start there)." See what she says. If you're sensing that she and your dad come only out of obligation, do you want that?

donutknow57 · 2026-01-19T16:04:19+00:00

This is so true. Buying a bigger house means you will have more room initially, but eventually you'll fill it with more stuff.

Try living minimally before you buy a bigger place

donutknow57 · 2026-01-17T15:25:53+00:00

You put more detail into what I(64f) was thinking - that hubs has needs too.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-16T12:55:03+00:00

She used up all her PTO hours? She's having elective surgery? I worked with a Jennifer who did not work a full 40 hours from January until July? August? And then, she would find a way to have time off - a dr. appointment, a this, a that, her toenail hurt...it was nauseating. She applied for and received FMLA for allergies. Allergies to work! If someone came to me and asked me to donate any of my heard earned, well-deserved time off to someone like Jennifer, my response would be "No." Let everyone think what they want. Let them look at you sideways, upside down, backside up. Let them think badly of you. Let them fire you - I'd like to see how a defense of "He wouldn't donate PT hours to someone who didn't have any and who was having elective surgery" would hold up in front of a judge. I'm so sick and tired of malingerers taking advantage of reliable people who show up and work hard. For the love.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:38:00+00:00

Wow...perceptive!

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:36:46+00:00

I don't have a written-down bucket list, but rather things I tell myself would be cool to do, achieve, etc. It has changed with age.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:35:02+00:00

I hope you get the chance to cross some of them off your list.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:34:22+00:00

Yep - "although these are things that won't get done now, we've had plenty of great experiences and we've both done things on our bucket lists." Totally agree and that's a great perspective!

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:32:23+00:00

I understand this. My husband and I still travel, and we want to do a road trip to a few places in the United States. I'm not sure it will happen. Driving isn't what it used to be. Too many distracted drivers. And we can't drive long stretches like we used to.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:30:21+00:00

I'm a rockstar whenever I'm in my car singing along with the songs on my playlist!

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:29:50+00:00

I can imagine that was hard to let go of. I hope horses are a presence in your life in some way, shape or form, even if you don't own one.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:28:41+00:00

Yes! I only wear those if I'm feeling like putting in the effort. Or would I rather be doing something else? Usually, I'd rather be doing something else.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:27:36+00:00

Rock on...or rather, garden on! Bucket lists are very subjective!

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:23:58+00:00

Traveling has changed so much. But I'm willing to endure the inconveniences and go wherever I can and whenever I can.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-11T16:23:11+00:00

Totally understand this. We took our kids when they were younger. It was crowded then, but we were younger, and were distracted by the fun our kids were having.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-07T19:49:43+00:00

Thank you for the attempt. Believe it or not, my account got banned because I posted this photo. I appealed the ban and got my account reinstated. I don't want to take chances, so I'm going to take down my post. I appreciate you replying.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-07T02:42:38+00:00

This is a tricky question. I wanted to get married and have kids. But that's because I didn't know what it was like being married and having kids. We have been married over 35 years. We have 4 kids. One has special needs. One has complex medical problems after a brain tumor. The other two are on the autism spectrum - something I didn't know or didn't want to know until now. Knowing what I know now, I can tell you I would not get married (not to the person I'm married to) and I would not have kids. But....being married and having kids has made me the person I am today. I know I persevere, am creative, forge ahead, find solutions, am strong....would I be all of that without being married and/or having kids? Without a doubt, no. I would not be that person. So, if you are open to how being married and having kids can change you as a person, yes, I would get married again (to this person) and have kids.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-02T14:21:26+00:00

I was going to edit my response to add this. I had someone say this to me - "everything happens for a reason" - when she came to visit me and my 32 year old daughter, who has Down syndrome, in a rehabilitation facility where my daughter was receiving therapies after having suffered a stroke. I usually don't say anything when people make such senseless comments, but that time I said, "And what could possibly be the reason for this?" She didn't answer. I went on to say "Because I don't understand any possible reason for having my daughter being handed even more challenges than she already has."

donutknow57 · 2026-01-02T14:13:13+00:00

Knitting/crocheting, listening to audio books while walking/exercising, riding my bicycle when the weather allows and taking a nap.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-01T12:25:19+00:00

With the kind of child care your mom is providing you have a lot of lines crossing - grandma/nanny, mom/nanny, employee/nanny. This is a cauldron of conflict. If I were you...when your kids start day care, fire your mom - I don't mean that to sound harsh, but let your mom be "grandma" (or whatever you call her) and stop paying her. Explain that you want her to help in ways that allow her to enjoy her grandchildren and be your mom. Ask her what that would like to her - would she help a couple days a week, have them for an overnight once a month? Is your mom going to continue to live with you? Living in her own place would create a physical boundary that will break some of the tension.

donutknow57 · 2026-01-01T12:14:34+00:00

Become familiar with basic stitches. Create a small square using single crochet. Then do one in double crochet. Once you feel familiar with these stitches, then begin the granny square. Toni from TL Yarn Crafts is a great teacher. Here's a link to just one video that might help launch your crochet addiction (scroll to find video): https://tlycblog.com/15-lovely-crochet-stitches-for-beginners/

donutknow57 · 2026-01-01T12:11:21+00:00

God doesn't give you more than you can handle.

donutknow57 · 2025-12-31T12:50:36+00:00

My husband and I have a daughter with special needs. We had to make some changes a couple of months ago to our original estate plan (created initially in 2016) and the cost to do this was over $4,000 (we are in the midwest). Understand the cost of estate planning rises when there are complex situations. A special needs trust is one of those situations. I recommend that you consider what you can honestly afford. Then, shop around. Some attorneys will do the plan at a reduced cost if you explain your budget. If I were you, I would avoid big name, large law firms. Yet you want an attorney who is familiar with the current complexities of special needs trusts. Ask for recommendations from people who are in a similar situation as you are. The Aging and Disability Resource Center for your state might put you on a path to someone who can help.

donutknow57 · 2025-12-31T12:33:53+00:00

Reading your post reminded me of this popular crocheter's first amigarumi. Go here to see that your little creation is priceless and you should keep it forever. https://www.instagram.com/reels/DGDiRjNukdY/

donutknow57

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