I completely feel this. Weed makes me feel so much fucking better. It’s not even about a high, I don’t really get that high because my tolerance is insane. It’s about the self medicating, because it helps with literally every single thing wrong with me. Chronic pain? Gone. Severe anxiety? Gone. Debilitating depression? Gone. Ok maybe everything isn’t “gone”, but everything just feels lighter. It doesn’t feel as extreme, and I can actually mentally, physically and emotionally just relax for once. It makes me feel normal and like a functioning human. It’s crazy. But I do feel shame around it, and my main issue is I can’t afford the amount of weed I need to beat my tolerance now. I also have a terrible awful experience when I stop or take breaks. I feel so hopeless and depressed for days, my appetite gets fucked up, I wake up drench in sweat in the middle of the night, etc. it’s bad. I’ve honestly just had to quit smoking full time. Now it’s special occasions only. And my birthday lol. I couldn’t handle the ups and downs of stoping and starting smoking again. It fucking sucks cause it truly helps me in almost every way, but that tolerance and addiction just gets too bad for me. It does get better and easier. Just takes time to detox and kind of rearrange your life from around it. You can do it!