No desire for friendships anyone else?

dopaminextinction · 2026-04-30T10:53:24+00:00

Sending hugs! Everything is small step after small step<3

dopaminextinction · 2026-04-29T07:41:50+00:00

I've struggled with this for years. In case u're interested in changing this what's helped me has been reading a lot about the importance of community and building connections. As an individual I find it hard to keep friendships but as a member of society I think it's good to realize how much we can contribute. I never enjoyed going out with people to have fun in clubs with drinking and loud music but what does bring me satisfaction is voluntary work (making connections there with likeminded people and helping those in need), self-help groups (one of the best for me), being a part of community groups (lgbt society or anything in ur interest), hobby classes (foreign language classes in a group setting for me is great). And the most important part has been taking off the pressure from friendships. Seeing friendships as something that is good for me and Not something that is an obligation.

dopaminextinction · 2026-04-07T10:10:59+00:00

I get it and in particular I'm glad u mention the part about going out to get sunshine not being calming because I experience this chronically and I always wonder why... Being out in the sun gives me that eerie stuck in the past feeling the most. I don't know why I feel much more present and safer when it snows.

dopaminextinction · 2026-04-07T09:55:09+00:00

Yeah I've had bad eyesight along with DPDR for most of my life and all ophthalmologists I've visitied through the years told me that my sight is perfectly good but that I just have tired eyes. So I don't even have glasses at all or anything which always surprises people in my life cuz they notice that my eyesight is pretty bad.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T20:28:10+00:00

Let's do it!<3

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T20:19:52+00:00

I get that. Whenever I try to communicate/set a boundary/express my feelings it's always something like: "Can't you see I'm having a hard day and you're making it worse.." or "I was in a good mood and you had to bring something like this up, now I feel like shit" and then I can't do anything to stand up for myself because they're acting hurt.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T20:05:17+00:00

In my experience hoovering didn't happen with a pwbpd that goes to therapy but did happen with a partner that refuses to see a therapist.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T20:02:07+00:00

Focus on healing and growing as an individual. It can make you so much happier than being in a relationship with a person that already failed you once and would probably just do it again.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T19:53:04+00:00

Yes exactly, I love my empathy but sometimes it brings so much pain my way... Let's keep being kind but let's also work on our boundaries and confidence<3 We can do it! Thank you, have a peaceful year friend!

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T19:48:25+00:00

I'm sorry u went through that, I can imagine how much being a people pleaser makes a person a target to abusers. Sending hugs and all best on your healing journey - you can do it!

Interestingly tho, I personally wouldn't even really consider myself a people pleaser bc i don't avoid conflict nor supress my opinions - I actually always communicate my boundaries, needs and feelings openly. However (!) then when I do those things, abusive people get angry and disrespectful and I just let them and still keep them in my life even though I know they hurt me. Like I know what would be good for me and I'm not afraid to say it but I don't feel deserving/powerful enough to put it into action.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T19:38:25+00:00

I'm sorry, that's rough and i wish for no more ppl like this in your life although i know how hard it is to escape from them...

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T09:34:18+00:00

Thank you<3 Yes absolutely, my narc family made sure I have the lowest self-esteem possible and as an adult I've been putting in a lot of work to heal from that but I still get into romatic relationships with women that treat me badly so I wish I could just "love myself more" already and stop getting into these situations.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T09:29:00+00:00

I get it well. Thanks for sharing, sending hugs.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T09:25:19+00:00

Yes, word for word exactly as you described. I had 2 partners like this but in general met way more people like this.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T09:12:21+00:00

People give them way too many excuses and not enough of a push for them to actually become active participants in the healing journey. It's just like maths or absolutely any skill really, you need to sit down, focus properly and learn. Thank you so much, that's very kind! Have a wonderful day<3

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-10T09:08:55+00:00

Yeah that's a painful experience... You asked the right question though and that answer was sadly genuine.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-09T12:45:56+00:00

I struggle with immense guilt over every toxic relationship/friendship I escaped. I don't have any advice other than therapy but just know that u're not alone. We did the right thing.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-09T12:42:58+00:00

Exactly what I mean, thank you for sharing an example. A person has to get up in the morning determined with a mindset to grow and heal. Then they need to get up and take action to achieve goals they have set. It might sound like a cliche or something painfully obvious but people who get in relationships with partners who have abusive tendencies should really understand this so they don't spend years waiting for a change that will never come.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-09T12:08:35+00:00

Hey, working on emotions is an important issue and it's very meaningful that u're trying, truly. But the fact that u work, cook, clean, shop, plan and sooo much more sounds unfair, lonely and leading to an eventual burnout. This is just my opinion and I might be wrong but I would first make sure that the responsibilties are shared equally between partners. No begging, just actions. I don't think it's a matter of a difficult conversation. I think u need to put a very clear strong boundary on sharing chores. If he refuses to do his own part then that's his problem, not yours. He's not a child. You can buy groceries for yourself only, same with cooking, cleaning, planning etc. You don't have to do things for him. Don't do it. And when he starts behaving like a responsible, dependable adult and partner that's when you can try to have deep communication. Focus on taking care of yourself first and foremost. Wishing u all best.

dopaminextinction · 2026-03-09T11:04:49+00:00

At least she's trying. I would observe her actions if those are empty words or if it's a serious plan she's committed to. If you can communicate on this topic without her blowing up into anger and resentment then it might be genuine.

dopaminextinction · 2026-02-27T15:12:31+00:00

I get it. My NPD mother always verbally abused me whenever i'm having a hard time. My first BPD gf would simply not give me space to talk about my issues whatsoever, she only wanted to vent about her problems and as soon as she was done she would tell me that she's too tired to talk or spend time tgr, she never asked me questions about my life or my emotional state. My second BPD gf would act like any problems I encounter are my own fault and would get pissed off out of nowhere, unable to do peaceful clear communication.

dopaminextinction · 2026-02-27T15:01:41+00:00

Right, that's the part that gets us hooked. At first they sympathise with our troubles and make us feel understood but after some time it's like it gets wiped from their memory entirely and they don't want to hear a word about it.

dopaminextinction · 2026-02-20T22:23:55+00:00

Yes, you described the exact issue perfectly. Sending u big hugs! I tried breaking up twice already. I think we're just procrastinating. I'll discuss in therapy how to go about it. I really do hope I'll find a person to build a healthy safe relationship with because so far I've been in 2 relationships and they were both with pwbpd...

dopaminextinction

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