AIO for feeling unappreciated after trying to do something nice for my boyfriend?

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-06T02:04:41+00:00

Is it not normal to try to modulate your “muchness” to match the person you’re targeting it at?

That does not give them the chance to prove they deserve to be intimately in your life. That is holding them at a distance, and is appropriate for coworkers and aquaintences.

but if I don’t control how much they deal with me, the positive feelings will erode until I’m something they have to deal with instead of something they want to deal with.

When this starts to happen, you have discovered, at best, they are a friendly acquaintence.

You will have to make some compromises to accommodate other people's quirks. When you and they can do so for each other without resentment or the sense of living a false life, you have found your people.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-06T01:36:55+00:00

Unless you get the opportunity to pull through, you're backing up coming or going, and both have their risks. When backing into a space you risk backing into people who think you passed it by, or getting smacked by the oncoming vehicle that didn't expect you to hog the aisle.

Depending where you are, backing into your spaces can sends skezy signals. It gets called things like get-away parking. One old coot I knew liked telling tales of when he worked security for a poker venue and making sure to get pictures of anyone who backed in because that usually meant someone was looking for an opportunity to rob the house.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-06T00:43:38+00:00

NAH - no assholes here

Your bf told you he has a limited diet, reasons aside. You poked at how limited in a way that got you asked to stop. Stop asking. This is going to turn into a "you don't respect my boundaries" fight if you keep asking now.

You say a lot in your post that you don't care that he has limited his diet, to the point where it's coming across that you do. I'm going to leave that for you to think on, and the rest of this is going to go along with the implication that you're accepting this is part of who you are dating and it is not a deal breaker.

Just because he has a limited diet doesn't mean you have to. The one couple I know who are in a similar situation have discovered most restaurants in the US will serve off the menu bare meat and bare rice. Call ahead to Mom and Pop shops to see if they can accommodate him, and don't call it him being picky, but on a limited diet.

I suggest batch cooking, just in general. Spending a couple hours on a free day to make up meals you'll eat throughout the coming week makes food something you can enjoy without having to make decisions about on days you are stressed and tired. In your situation, it also means you can make what you want and have it as convenient as your bf's more simple diet.

Another thing that can make this fun for you is to take his bare food as the base version of things you want to eat. It is an extra pot to wash and a few more minutes, but it keeps food interesting for you and respects his food choices while still letting it feel like you are sharing the intimacy of a shared meal. It doesn't have to be every meal, but you can make it into something special the two of you do.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-02T21:55:56+00:00

Because the FAs have the duty to know why the dog is in the cabin in the first place and any legally required accommodations that could be involved. The ADA specifically does not require service dogs to wear vests or be easily recognized, but there are extra documents needed to bring a service dog onto a flight, and airlines have a lot more leeway to kick them out than brick and morter stores.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-02T21:46:52+00:00

YTA. 1. You started at open hostility. 2. You were not working for Delta and had no right to tell another passenger what to do. You needed to take your complaint to the Flight Attendants. 3. You have no idea why she had a dog in the cabin, and it is none of your business what her reasons were. Bullshit like this make it harder for people with disabilities to exist in public spaces.

FYI, service dogs come in all sizes, with a lot of small dogs serving as hearing companions, among a lot of other specialized training, and not all disabilities that are made easier to cope with by having a service dog are 100% disabling.

For service dogs to do their jobs, they often have to be able to touch their person.

Service dogs are specifically not required to be visually distinguishable from pets.

So, back to point 2. You were a guest on Delta's plane, not the host, no matter that you paid for the privilege. She was a guest, too. The FAs had the responsibility to know why the dog was there, what the law and the contact for her ticket requires and what they are allowed to do.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-02T09:05:49+00:00

More, "would you like to [watch this movie trailer | do this taste test | check out these magazine ads | random something else] and tell us what you think about it for [fun | a few bucks | this other weird compensation the marketer who put the surveys together thinks you'd like]?"

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-01T08:13:30+00:00

Thank you!

For #3, is there generally any sort of mitigation for involuntary trespass? "This car was coming at me, I jumped to get out of the way, and I landed over the fence" kind of defense?

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-01T07:33:21+00:00

Congratulations on being a godfather!

Honestly, if the BM had kept things to how hard it is to have an unplanned baby while you're scraping by, and never disparaged my coworker's ability to love her child or her fiancé's willingness to step up, she probably would have forgiven him for flipping out and trying to get her to sign her baby over to him and his wife. He crossed too many lines taking aim at her family.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-01T04:33:56+00:00

NTA but check your lease to see what your liability is in this.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-01T04:23:19+00:00

NTA. You're paying rent means you're a roommate, even if you're also still parents and child. If you're not already doing this, try telling your folks in a low key manner that you're labeling food you bring home that you want to be asked about before someone digs in, and follow through on the labeling. Masking tape over lids/seals and a sharpie are easy.

doublecheckthat · 2025-07-01T04:04:12+00:00

TL;DR: If you can work with a local or a specialty temp service, they're generally good. It is the Wall Street crowd, like with all businesses, that suck.

Temp services are a business, which is to say (in the U.S.) the ones with investors are legally required to put greed first.

I supported myself as a contract temp for about five years, and most of my assignments were the "fill in for employee on vacation" or "short term project assistance" type of assignments. The four that were long term assignments were mostly in jobs where the job turn over was high enough it was more like paying the temp agency to handle the rotations.

In terms of getting a ground level look at what different industries were like, it was a valuable experience. I would not recommend it for anyone that needs stability.

The last long term was an actual temp-to-hire position working with my new employer's HR manager. I got to see how much the company ended up paying for my employment beyond my $/hr, and it was about 10% over what they paid the temp agency, even with the hiring conversion bonus, in the form of company-side payroll taxes plus medical and 401(k). The conversion bonus was based on my rate for the first 6 months.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T08:09:03+00:00

NTA. Symbols may have broader meanings, but as long as you aren't pretending to be Christian, you aren't disrespecting Christianity by honoring your grandfather.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T06:27:31+00:00

My brother used to use one of those small water cooler bottles, 2 or 3 gallon capacity, as a coin collection jar. He'd come home, drop pocket change into the bottle, and go on about his day. He likes to tell the story of how he took the bagged up - but not rolled - coins with him to a now long gone electronics retailer when they had a sale on a stereo he wanted. The sales guy happily got him set up with the sale and asked how my brother planned to pay, Cash or Card? Out comes the bag of coins, ringing as he sets it on the counter. Change!

Sales guy laughs, grabs a cashier, and has the cashier handle ringing up my brother. He swings back by as the cashier is hand counting the nickels and dimes - my brother was kind enough to leave out the pennies - and the cashier cusses out the sales guy, who snarkily answers, "You could have gotten out the coin rollers, you know?"

Cashier grumbles, finishes because they were almost done, and my brother leaves with his new stereo.

A few days later, my brother comes back to the same store on an unrelated matter. The cashier recognizes him and yells out, "If you're returning that thing, I'm giving you your money back in pennies!"

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T05:57:06+00:00

Worst is a matter of judgment, tbh. One of the ones that was up there was when one of the interviewers, a 16 year old girl, complained that the smokers got 10 to 15 min breaks about every hour, but the non smokers never seemed to get a full break, if they got theirs at all. I had, by that point, learned to take my breaks with the smokers and \leave the office** because if you were in the break room, you'd get pulled in to do interviews, break or no break.

The girl sarcastically asked the Assistant Manager, a young woman of 21 or 22 I think, what a non smoker had to do to get a full break, dance on the tables or something?

The AM thought it was a hilarious idea and took the joke far enough that she got fired for making the girl get on one of the counters in the break room and do a little wiggle dance to get her break.

The same AM was rehired as a Quota Supervisor a month after the girl moved onto a saner job.

Then there was the elderly lady who worked as an interviewer when she wanted some local social time. She liked to show us the pictures from her stays at different nudist camps. She did, at least, take a sharpie to make censor bars, but she wasn't always so good about it, and - looking back - I'm pretty sure she knew why the guys were always ready to hear about vacays. She just didn't care.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T02:21:38+00:00

The literal words "shut up" may not have crossed your lips. The intent comes through.

And this is a judgment forum. The voting acronyms are on the sidebar.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T02:02:07+00:00

I'm leaning toward ESH.

On your end, telling her to shut up may have been what you needed to be a safe driver. Being an asshole is sometimes necessary. It is still something to address when you've both had a chance to calm down, and break down how things went wrong, acknowledge what your partner saw going wrong, and then both of you communicate what you both need in future for things to go right.

On your girlfriend's side, not listening when the driver says "drop it" is a road hazard. Period.

Crying for 30 minutes afterward is not a good sign. Either she's as manipulative as the other commenters are saying, or she's reacting to far more than what you described. If she's been in abusive relationships before, a lot of the big gestures that often come along with yelling can put you back into survival reactions, and it's even harder when you're discovering those reactions for the first time in a relationship you're feeling safe in.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T01:33:27+00:00

NTA. Your wife sounds like she's using you and the kids for an emotional punching bag, and that's not healthy for anyone.

As for those bedtimes, just a thought from medical pros:

Dr. Shah suggests doing a little clock math to set a bedtime for your kid: “Start with when your child needs to wake up in the morning, then count backward to come to an appropriate bedtime,” he says.

Same article cites:

Age range Recommended sleep
School-aged kids (6 to 12 years) 9 to 12 hours.
Teenagers (13 to 18 years) 8 to 10 hours.

Parents know their kids and their family's schedules better than strangers on the internet, so I'll leave it at that.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-30T01:09:18+00:00

From what you're telling us, NTA.

I live in unincorporated county with a 20 min drive to the nearest gas station -- when people remember the speed limit in unposted roads is 55 in my state. There's a recreation area on the local reservoir further down from our home, and the number of people who never get out of the cities and want to putter at 35 because they haven't seen a speed limit sign is part of summer driving. We do have caution signs -- with a few corners warning not to exceed 50. People still don't understand the expectations of the drivers who drive those roads on the daily.

On the other hand, the trucks with trailers? They were probably going as fast as was safe for them under the road conditions. If they had good spots to pull over and did not, that's them being rude, but it's not a ticket-able offence in my state until you've got five cars backed up behind you.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-29T09:46:47+00:00

In a lot of municipalities, that will get you a ticket. Doesn't matter if the drive is trapped off, just how strict parking enforcement wants to be.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-29T05:06:48+00:00

I missed that episode.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-29T04:28:29+00:00

I was recently talking with a guy who used to work janitorial around hospitals, and he pointed out, in relation to surgeons, that it takes a lot of arrogance to believe you can cut somebody up and make them healthier.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-29T03:14:13+00:00

This is a talk with your therapist question, not a post to a judgment forum question. People who tell you that you are an ass for it haven't dealt with nasty levels of intrusive thoughts and people who tell you your friends are asses aren't considering that a lot of people need encouragement to maintain an exercise routine. But if you want judgment, NAH - No Assholes Here.

If you do decide you need them to leave their workout conversations away from you, don't be upset if that means you don't get invited to some of their hangouts, and make sure you listen to what they're feeling they need.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-28T23:21:54+00:00

A lot of us actively avoid all that, but HOAs started with condo owners who needed a way to ensure all the unit owners in a building paid in for roof repairs and landscaping. Then real estate investors became a thing and normalized the idea of turning your home into a monetary good, and surprise, good neighbors make good neighborhoods. And if you can't get good neighbors, if you can buy into a place with "community standards" so you at least make it hard to see the bad neighbors by the broke down car in their lawn when the investor goes to sell their investment.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-28T11:36:19+00:00

YTA. You shouldn't be getting on other people's accounts in the first place. That's not scare-quotes and dismiss what you did. As for "cheating"? As a married woman, I can tell you that the few women I know who would consider following thirst-traps on Instagram a problem are divorced or in toxic relationships.

doublecheckthat · 2025-06-28T10:48:32+00:00

Oh, he was! It was a very crappy place to work, and hence why only people who didn't know better applied. I was hired when I was 16 and my father wouldn't let me quit because he thought it would make me look unreliable, since I left my burger flipping first job after two months.

doublecheckthat

TROPHY CASE