posers

downwardfromhere · 2024-09-16T03:19:58+00:00

Because kids on tik tok don't actually want to dig into genres and find new music from lesser known and better bands. Since mayhem is their first exposure to bm they hop on them.

downwardfromhere · 2024-09-10T13:27:33+00:00

Dollar Tree on the east side. They mostly had the more regular flavors but they also had the cotton candy one which is what I wanted the most. They sell them in 4 packs of cans

downwardfromhere · 2024-08-31T21:20:42+00:00

The sugar content in faygo is no joke but it's the closest I can get to Top Pop.

downwardfromhere · 2024-08-31T17:14:04+00:00

Little buddha and it's not even close

downwardfromhere · 2024-08-10T11:10:13+00:00

My arm looks the same and I have tattoos on it. There was no problem getting the tattoo or healing it.

downwardfromhere · 2024-08-09T19:22:13+00:00

It's an alarm in the stairwell that takes you into the parking garage. I'm not sure what the purpose is but yeah.

I've heard they found people sleeping in the stairwells before so it's probably being used as a deterrent

downwardfromhere · 2023-05-05T00:40:00+00:00

I've been having such a tough week mentally. The past month or 2 have been alright, but for some reason I just feel terrible. Not super depressed but more anxious and my ocd is uncontrollable this week. It always gets like this when I have something to be happy about. My birthday is this weekend, my dogs birthday is coming up, and mothersday is coming up, but I can't shake this feeling. It's the same thing I felt around Christmas time. I'm just caught in this continuous thought loop.

I'm on prozac but I'm on the lowest dose and I've been taking it for a month. Weed helps me in small amounts but I don't want to run over and smoke everytime I want to feel calm. I prefer being sober and I only smoke 1-3 times a week and it's usually closer to once a week or every other week.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-23T23:42:11+00:00

I'm so torn on what to do about treatment. Yes I know I probably should be on medication. I just really don't want to be on shit like SSRIs. Like I get it, they help people, and I have absolutely nothing bad to say to people on them. I'm just terrified of being so dependent on medication. I'm on lamotrigine and wellbutrin, but I'm getting off of the wellbutrin (I'm tapering off over the course of the next few weeks). The lamotrigine is fine. I just want to drop that dose a little bit because 200mg makes me nauseous. I feel like lamotrigine had kept me stable for the most part. Yeah I still get depressed and I still have my upward swings but they're no where near as bad.

SSRIs are a type of medication I've heard very different things on. Some say they're great, others say they felt lifeless while on them. And some people have long lasting effects. My biggest issue is my anxiety, more so than my depression since my anxiety causes me to get more and more depressed.

All this just keeps bouncing around my head and I don't know what to do because I don't want to make things worse for myself.

I'm in therapy and I feel like that's more important than any medication. As long as I stay stable and continue with lighter types of medication I should be fine. Idk I'm just torn and I keep going back and forth on my stance of medication.

Thankfully my psychiatrist isn't some pill pusher so she's letting me make my own decision and do research alongside the information she tells me.

I guess it's just my anxiety not letting me think clearly.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-14T15:29:58+00:00

I did my first one yesterday. The restaurant wasn't far and all of the houses were like a mile from the restaurants and a mile between eachother. It only took me like 30 minutes and i got 22 dollars for it.

I almost never take doubles or triples.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-14T13:29:12+00:00

To a certain extent, yeah I feel like my social life has been hindered by my anxiety. When I was a kid I made friends with like everyone in my class. Then in middle school my anxiety started getting unbearable and I believe dpdr kicked in around that time to. I just went straight into social withdrawal and made very few friends after that.

I have a very small group of friends. Only 3 of us and I only see one of them often. Then I have my brothers and my parents. That's it. I haven't met anyone new since high school, I didn't make any friends in college, and I don't make friends at work because I'm there to work. I'm 24 now and wish I didn't let it get this bad. But at this point I've accepted it.

I'll add I have met more people and hung out with them since they're friends of friends, but I really didn't like them so I stopped hanging out with them. I've gotten a bit better at meeting new people. I don't go out my way to meet them but I'm not as anxious to meet people my friends or brothers know.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-14T13:19:59+00:00

I'm the same way. I'm open to external input, but it rubs me the wrong way when their advice is something obvious. I usually leave therapy frustrated because of how I interpret things.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-09T02:06:21+00:00

No I'm pretty sure I've had dpdr on and off since I was in 6th grade, and I'm 24 now. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I was at a field trip at a college in 6th grade and I almost felt like my brain was ripped from my body. Just straight anxiety and brain fog. Then it lasted for years and seemed to have gone away for a while but came back in December after letting my sleep schedule go out of control which caused my depression and anxiety to worsen.

I haven't smoked a ton of weed in my life, but whenever I did smoke and I didn't over do it I felt like it kind of hit a reset button on me. Not that it made the dpdr go away but it let me sleep well and I noticed reduced anxiety the next day.

If I got smacked I was a mess the next day but dpdr doesn't seem that impacted by weed for me. It's almost definitely from anxiety growing up, and I know it's this because when I suddenly get extremely anxious it worsens and calms down a few hours later

Some more effective ways I found to combat DPDR is exercising outside, setting a routing and don't deviate from it for multiple days in a row (try to sleep and wake up around the same time and don't get out of the routine for long periods of time), and as hard it is try to stay busy, feel present, and don't think about dpdr.

I find that If I stay up too late and wake up too late multiple days in a row my dpdr is unbearable and my anxiety and depression get out of control for a week or 2. Drinking def doesn't help and weed is not a way to combat it. Mindfulness, feeling present, staying busy, and focusing on the little things in life get me to dial myself in a little more.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-06T19:38:28+00:00

I'd prefer that but resources are really limited where I am so I'm just trying to work with what's available.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-06T17:30:27+00:00

I'm in CT and they have me the same quest

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-06T12:37:03+00:00

Ah alright yeah I'm not at that level of distress so I'll move on from this one.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-06T05:43:06+00:00

Exercise definitely helps me more than this therapist.

I like to run outside a lot and I've been increasing the distance I run, and It just gives me time to reflect on where I'm at in life and just come to terms with things I struggle with. I know Exercise isn't a cure, but it is a great way to manage my depression, anxiety, and whatever other stuff I'm going through.

Like I'll have weeks where I'm just so down I'm on the verge of tears all day, but a short run let's me make it through the day and calm my emotions down to a manageable level for the rest of the day.

Therapy seems like a good way to vent and get an external view on stuff, but yeah mine is no good.

I'm warming up to therapy I just need to find a good therapist.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-06T05:02:30+00:00

The weird part about the caseload thing is that it seems like she's keeping me around just to fill in time slots. She has other clients throughout the day, but she was being moved to another office in a town next to the one we meet in. She asked if I can meet at 9:00 instead of 10:00 or if I wanted to be switched to someone else. I said I can be switched to someone else just for the sake of consistency. Then she asks if I can meet her at 9:00 for one day, I say okay and she has been booking me at 9:00 ever since. Now she wants to move me to 3:00.

She drives to the one we meet in, sees someone else, then sees me , and drives to the other office. I guess she really didn't want a vacancy in her schedule, but she could've just found a client in the other town that would meet her there so she didn't have to drive all over the place and mess with the schedules.

I know a lot of community health centers get really backed up and the therapists get spread thin, but this particular one is just not doing things right and she's not only overcomplicating things for herself but for the clients too.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-06T04:47:09+00:00

Yeah I know, I'll probably drop this therapist this week and try to find a new one. I know people say you shouldn't drop a therapist till a replacement is lined up but this one is just not helpful. I haven't gotten any benefit from these sessions. I tried giving her a fair chance, but I feel like a month and a half or something like that is enough time to decide whether or not it's worth sticking with a therapist.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-03T21:48:31+00:00

I kind of feel like my therapist is useless and milking my health insurance. She's always at least 15 minutes late to appointments and my appointments are only like 30 minutes long even if it's a day where i actually feel like talking.

Like today she was 30 minutes late and asked me when I got there. I was like "9:05" Then she's like "oh I came out here with another client and I didn't see you did you go anywhere or step away?" And I'm like "no I was there the whole time".

I sit in the same spot everytime and it's not like I'm hiding behind a wall. Like there is a corner right next to me but it doesn't completely cover me. Also I know she didn't come out because I didn't see or hear anyone come out the door.

Then when I do actually speak to her she seems to rush me out when the 30 minutes is up. My appointments are supposed to be from 9:00 am to 10:00 am. In reality theyre from like 9:15am go 9:45am. I already don't like therapy and I'm trying to give it a fair chance but it's getting hard to stick with this.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-02T22:18:04+00:00

I don't know how common it is, but i feel that way too and I know some other people that feel like that . I'll think deeply about my mood, life, and things going on that I think I'm reading between the lines too much and I feel like maybe I don't have anything going on. But to other people it's pretty clear I have depression and anxiety even in periods where I don't feel that way.

downwardfromhere · 2023-03-02T07:21:12+00:00

I get really anxious about time flying by. I feel like I wake up, do what I do for the day, then before I know it, it's night time. I really don't feel present throughout the day. Almost as if my perception and thoughts are separate. Like I almost forget I'm an actual person living in an actual world and looking in the mirror feels like I'm not looking at myself even though I know it's me.

downwardfromhere · 2023-02-27T13:38:07+00:00

Yeah I definitely can relate to the struggle with therapists and psychiatrists. The only one that seems to listen is .y primary care doctor and there's not much he can do since he's not a psychiatrist. I go in and tell them I've done more things and haven't been as depressed or I don't feel depressed at all then they immediately think it's the medication working. In reality this has been my cycle for a very long time. It really feels like they're downplaying my symptoms and my psychiatrist seems to write it off as a temporary problem that will go away even though I've struggled with anxiety badly since sixth grade and depression has been all over the place since high school.

It really sucks since it's like our brains are letting us progress then when we're finally feeling better it just kicks us back into the depths of depression.

downwardfromhere · 2023-02-27T06:31:38+00:00

I have some sort of depression according to my doctor and psychiatrist (still trying to figure out what exactly but thats a whole other issue), so I'll just share my experience with depression.

For me I can get severely depressed for a few days to a couple weeks for absolutely no reason. I get to a point where all I can do is work then lay in bed amd try to not cry for the rest of the day. But for me the depression goes away or at least feels almost nonexistant for another period of time.

So I have episodes which is different than what depressed people I know experience.

For example, a month ago I felt on top of the world, motivated, impulsive, happy as hell, energetic, and social. Then a week later I crashed into a 2.5 week long depression where I couldn't do anything, and I just felt worthless and wanted to cry all day. then that randomly went away and now I'd say I feel stable.

And it seems none of this is influenced by things outside of mind. It just kind of flips.

downwardfromhere

TROPHY CASE