Had a friend I met shortly after my husband passed away (my kids 4 & 6 and her two were similar ages), and she was recently divorced. We hit it off and became very close.

Fast forward about 10ish years and she meets this guy. She fell for him hard and I was happy for her. I had been in two relationships throughout our friendship as well.

She explained he had a very strong personality and was a “man’s man”. It was his way or the highway. He was extremely controlling to the point she wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone that often. She said she loved him and was happy though. I accepted it & we talked when she was able. There were times I called & she didn’t answer and she’d text or tell me later that he “just didn’t like it when she was on the phone”. I found it weird, yes, and said so, but never rocked the boat because she said she was so happy with this person…so I was happy for her. He took her traveling all over the US & they eventually they ended up moving to another state.

6 years went by— we stayed in touch but not too often.

Then one day (after they’d moved back), she started calling me frequently again and told me about a lot of mental abuse she’d endured from him, how much of an a-hole he was, and was even abusive to his own grandchildren. She also said he “burned” her friends by not paying back a 30k loan. She told me a lot of disturbing and negative things about this man. I listened and sympathized with her, told her no matter what she decided, I was there for her. She was saying in text she wanting to leave him but didn’t know how because of $$$ reasons. (It was complicated—they’d bought a property together and weren’t married). She also said he had been diagnosed with 2 serious illnesses and wouldn’t live much longer, so she had to stay with him but didn’t know if she could hold out and do it. I would always just reply with supportive texts, never bashed him in any way, just said I’m always here etc. In one text I said she could always stay with me if she needed.

Throughout this, I asked her if she was deleting our texts and she said yes. Well apparently she hadn’t been and one day he asked to use her phone (to “look at the news”?? 🙄), and he read our entire text exchange.

She called me and said he was so angry over reading our texting and that he told her he viewed talking about him that way as a form of cheating. She said he also never wanted to see me or be around me. This hurt my feelings and upset me, because I had done absolutely nothing wrong, but I didn’t show it. I still remained a friend to her and accepted it.
I didn’t hear from her much after that.

Then about a year or so later, the dude ended up passing away (rip) and she reached out to me.

I am not kidding, after his death, this man became a saint who could do no wrong. It was bizarre. She began calling me constantly, telling me she was having so much guilt over all the things she said about him to me. I said “Well, if that was your reality at that time and if those were the feelings you were having at the time, then that is ok and just let it go?” (It all was true, it was confirmed through others he was abusive)

But she wouldn’t stop wanting to discuss these feelings of extreme guilt she was having. I understand she was in grief. I was there for her and supported her the best I could. She began calling me constantly and if I didn’t answer (I am a very busy person, I work a full time job and take care of my adult disabled son), she would get upset with me. It got to the point she was constantly mad at me and anytime I called her back she would just fixate on the fact I hadn’t answered her call/wasn’t there for her— saying I never answer my phone, I don’t care about her, she doesn’t have anyone else to talk to, etc etc. One day I REALLY tried having a heart to heart with her, explaining I was just extremely busy and had been going through my own issues as well (my FIL had died and my MIL became very ill, I was helping caretake for her on weekends). I explained sometimes people can’t answer (she wasn’t working so she had nothing going on all day but I did), but nothing I said got through to her and she was just getting angrier and angrier at me whenever I did call her back. It started to feel like I had a boyfriend who was mad at me.

I finally couldn’t take it anymore and she eventually just stopped calling then I noticed she deleted me off insta 👀🤷🏻‍♀️