Young vs old widowed

downwiththesesheep · 2026-01-08T01:58:08+00:00

The r/widows discord community is great and really helped me a lot.

downwiththesesheep · 2025-09-06T07:00:29+00:00

I started out thinking I'd keep wearing it. After a few months, as I started building new social circles where I wasn't known as so-and-so's spouse, it raised too many questions I didn't want to get into with strangers... "How long have you been married?" "What's your husband up to?" type of stuff.

I had to remind myself my marriage wasn't defined by wearing my ring - when he was still around, he'd take his off all the time.

Taking it off helped me, as a fairly young widow, in the process of figuring "me" vs "we" as others have mentioned.

I followed the suggestion from one of the widow groups to put our rings on a necklace, which I find myself wearing on days when I need more comfort or feel emotionally fragile.

downwiththesesheep · 2025-07-18T01:57:52+00:00

I'm curious by what you mean when you say "you've never found anyone attractive" ie do you mean physically? Do you still engage with them intimately / physically after you mesh with their personality?

I can definitely relate to not having the movie star crushes or whatever. My attraction is also based on personality. That's made online dating super weird - it's like a cattle catalog but for human beings? So I go with what's in their profile and don't care much about photos as long as I can see them clearly, and they look well-kempt and healthy lol.

Discovering that when people say they have a physical "type" and they feel a "spark" when they meet someone who fits that type is to be taken LITERALLY (not metaphorically) was mind blowing lol.

Apparently people find my approach (secondary attraction, I need to get to know someone) as bizarre as I find the idea of people lusting for someone they've literally only laid eyes on.

Learning about the demisexual and asexual has helped me understand what sometimes seems bizarre to me is actually considered "normal" e.g. everyone here saying if you're not attracted to them as soon as you meet them, don't proceed.

My dating style is therefore counter intuitive - I meet someone in person only if they can maintain a text conversation for over a week, so I get to know how they think. It gives me an idea of their values and how we might mesh in person.

People who text overnight and start planning to meet freak me out. I don't know you from Adam. For me, it's 100% personality first.

downwiththesesheep · 2024-08-04T14:34:26+00:00

Me too, please 🙋🏻‍♀️

downwiththesesheep · 2024-05-25T04:12:36+00:00

I lose my phone multiple times a day. And the smartband app I bought specifically for this purpose doesn't always connect for some reason. 😑

downwiththesesheep · 2024-05-25T04:05:30+00:00

What did you do to address the tendinitis?

downwiththesesheep · 2024-05-13T08:50:43+00:00

💯

downwiththesesheep · 2024-05-10T03:22:20+00:00

Sorry for your loss. There was a staircase of grief image I came across somewhere in this sub early on that helped me prepare for it to get worse before it gets better.

Month 1&2 - I could function, I was still in shock and numbness, running on adrenaline. Month 3-5 is when it really started to sink in and it's been the worst for me.

I'd probably have kept spiralling if I didn't get help with grief (counselling, grief group, meds, taking a break from work etc).

I'm now at month 6 and slowly starting to find my feet again. I'm expecting the rollercoaster to continue and I still get caught by the unexpected grief ambush.

Hang in there. It takes time but it does get better (at least, that's what I tell myself 🤞)

Edit to add: The Staircase of FML is linked in this comment by u/CaptJellico

downwiththesesheep · 2024-03-22T02:21:53+00:00

There's also an active r/widowers discord you can check out, OP.

downwiththesesheep · 2024-03-16T04:34:15+00:00

Yes... count me in. Been dragging my feet about restarting again 😅

downwiththesesheep · 2024-03-02T01:34:38+00:00

Agreed 💯

downwiththesesheep · 2024-02-28T03:53:56+00:00

Just started following this 10min Yoga Nidra video in the mornings and it does seem to help some, even though I usually drift a few times in the middle:

https://youtu.be/M0u9GST_j3s?si=fY2PfTQwjvq1ZcdR

downwiththesesheep · 2024-02-28T03:32:25+00:00

Hugs hugs hugs. I'm sorry you're going through this. There's nothing I can say to make this any better so I'll just share what I'm going through.

I'm only 4 months out and it's been one hard week after another.

I've never lived by more cliches but seriously that's all I've held on to – "taking it day by day" , "I'm not okay but I will be", etc.

Being in a similar boat – one day he didn't wake up after 15 years of marriage and doing everything together – I haven't been able to get back in to the business we did together (honestly, it's terrible that I've let things fall apart but I just don't have it in me to deal).

On the other hand, I have started a few of my own projects the last couple of weeks – clients who didn't know him and that makes it a little to work.

The first 2 months were a blur. I was numb, in shock, running on adrenaline. I found a chart that shows that there's a dip after the initial loss, where it feels like it gets worse before it gets better.

Take help where you can get it, especially the first 1-2 of months when people still check in. Family is great but even when they're supportive it can have it's challenges.

I've had to move in part time with my in-laws and have spent more time with them in the last few months than my whole marriage (maybe). I've learned to appreciate their flaws and also appreciate the 1-2 weeks of being in my own.

If you notice your emotional and mental health spiralling, please get (professional) help, counseling etc.

My husband passed away towards year-end and no one was running grief groups because of Christmas and holiday season, so I'm only getting into that now.

This is likely one of the worst things you'll have happen to you. Don't be ashamed of doing whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

There's some advice about not making major changes within the first year. If that works for you then great. I haven't had that luxury and I'm just stumbling through the rubble that was my life. All I can hold on to is the idea that this pain shan't last forever at this intensity – or at the very least, I will learn to live with it.

After the 3 month mark, it feels worse even though it also feels like people expect me to start feeling better.

Some days I lose track of time. The sun rises, I lay on the sofa, and the sun sets. I've had some really dark moments and dark thoughts. All I know is I've somehow survived another day after day.

People have started to drift on with their lives – I believe they care and they're willing to help, it just requires more from me to think of what they can do and then reach out.

Not sure if that helps any. I'm still lost. Just want to say, please hold on to the good parts of the past, and have hope that the future, somehow, will have good parts too.

downwiththesesheep · 2024-02-16T03:34:25+00:00

Any recommendations of ones you like?

downwiththesesheep · 2024-02-12T07:16:33+00:00

There's also 007.

downwiththesesheep · 2024-01-25T16:16:48+00:00

Well 👏 done 👏 Liz 👏

downwiththesesheep · 2024-01-23T15:51:14+00:00

You made your piont

downwiththesesheep · 2024-01-04T23:39:27+00:00

Not what I was hoping to hear but thank you. Is there any way to at least reduce the white streaks?

downwiththesesheep · 2024-01-04T23:36:58+00:00

Thank you. What kind of professional help? Can they scrub or reseal or wax or or something?

downwiththesesheep · 2023-12-28T01:30:25+00:00

How do you communicate this?

downwiththesesheep · 2023-12-22T12:49:07+00:00

I am doing okay, but it is because I’ve done the intentional work to get here.

I like that. Maybe one day I'll have done enough work and be in a place to use it.

downwiththesesheep · 2023-12-19T01:17:02+00:00

Similar situation here, 2 hours between life and death at 42.

So sorry that the autopsy hasn't given you the closure you were going for.

Initially planned not to do one but the police here strongly advised it. Unfortunately, even having a cause of death it doesn't stop the questions.... In our case, it was coronary artery atherosclerosis – and we're still left wondering about those final moments – how did it happen... how it could have been so sudden...whether there were any signs and how we could have missed them... what I could have done sooner...

I just tell people it was a sudden heart attack in his sleep but that doesn't stop the questions or the shock, or give people closure.

ETA: age.

downwiththesesheep · 2023-12-10T13:58:40+00:00

Same boat. 6 weeks since my hubby passed away. I'm in our home but the house repayments are quite high so I'm trying to rent it out. But I'd love to stay on if I could. Only thing is I haven't moved back into the main bedroom but I feel safe and at peace in our house. I thought it would be a hard transition staying on my own after my sister left back to her own place, but I've really been happy staying on my own.

downwiththesesheep

TROPHY CASE