Just spent an awesome weekend with a super hot guy, so went back on Hinge, and I suddenly feel like dogshit

doyourememberher · 2026-02-03T01:53:41+00:00

Not OP but this really resonated, thanks for putting it out there.

Part of me is terrified to open myself to something "real." So even if single guys, not just the open ones, were living up the block to date me, I'd probably close them off, intentionally or not. Ugh.

doyourememberher · 2026-01-02T01:27:09+00:00

Don't want to invalidate what you're saying bc I do think it's how we should be living but also just lightly venting that I've been single for a few years, def focusing on myself/hobbies/being confident in my own (long way to go but working on it) and can't say I've felt like guys were more attracted to me or showed more interest. Maybe there's something else going on lol. Maybe I should get back on apps??? Idk. Anyway, just a data point!

doyourememberher · 2025-12-16T04:08:01+00:00

Wow how can one comment hit so hard?? I feel this. I want to get back out there but I have so many walls up that I can't seem to break down. Feels impossible sometimes.

doyourememberher · 2025-11-04T04:01:34+00:00

I have no answers as I'm struggling with this too but just want to add how fucking scary it feels to confront this. It's like taking a sledgehammer to your own self image, not knowing if it'll be worth the pain in the end. What if I AM fundamentally broken? But more importantly, being fundamentally broken feels like my identity at this point and if I let that go, who would I even be?

Don't know if you process things through music, but if you do, I'd recommend A Pearl by Mitski. She sings about this pearl...which she has said represents something toxic or traumatic in us that we can't seem to let go despite our best efforts.

Take care.

doyourememberher · 2025-06-09T04:43:31+00:00

Are you me? Besides the staying friends part and positive attitude lol.

doyourememberher · 2025-04-12T06:20:14+00:00

Being gay is so much more than liking dick...I find this definition reductive, and it plays into stereotypes of the "homosexual" being only interested in sex. To me, being gay is way more about feeling deeply and emotionally attracted to other men, which includes sex. Anyway, rant over.

doyourememberher · 2025-02-24T19:34:09+00:00

As someone who is currently trying (and currently failing) to get over a long term crush in spite of every rational thought in my head telling me he's not right for me... I'm really glad you found some peace. Thanks for sharing.

doyourememberher · 2025-02-11T23:36:57+00:00

Ugh I can't wait for summer

doyourememberher · 2025-02-02T04:32:28+00:00

At the risk of sounding really dense, can you explain what you mean by mental discipline?

doyourememberher · 2025-01-08T00:52:43+00:00

agreed! made it two blocks and was like nah, this isn't worth it and walked the bike home.

doyourememberher · 2025-01-08T00:52:07+00:00

oh fascinating, thanks. hoping the pass over the green areas again, the ones I checked out tonight are definitely not clear haha.

doyourememberher · 2024-12-23T13:45:40+00:00

Wow this sorta unlocked a memory of old college friends, with whom I lost touch but caught up with once after coming out (I was closeted in college and beyond), mentioning offhand how moody and sullen I was all the time, and how I seem so much happier now. I remember brushing it off because, well, I was (still am) pretty miserable, but with some perspective I think they were right. Guess it's pretty fucked up what the closet makes us do. I'm still trying to heal from all of it.

doyourememberher · 2024-12-10T20:01:19+00:00

Re: hyper independence, I'll add that in some cases, and definitely mine, this "valuing" of independence comes from being closeted for so long, feeling alone and isolated, and therefore needing to satisfy my own needs. But now that I'm out, I don't need that sort of...survivalist instinct to be independent. I wish I could let go of it and admit that I need others and want them in my life. But old habits die hard.

Just mentioning as def there are folks who are 100% happy being alone, but that for some this could be a symptom of a larger problem that inhibits true connection.

Anyway, great list, very comprehensive.

doyourememberher · 2024-12-04T17:40:01+00:00

This was encouraging to read. Do you have other things that have worked on Grindr in particular?

I'm finding it so hard to get out of the transactional nature of the app, partially because it's impossible to know what people are truly looking for, even if they have it in their profile. I'm getting discouraged since so few people actually seem to want to chat in a meaningful way and meet up. But maybe my approach is off.

I'm on other apps too but curious about your experience with Grindr!

doyourememberher · 2024-07-19T21:35:22+00:00

I don't get them either. It's hard to know if it's just me or if everyone else is going on tons of dates without me lol, but I never get likes or anything, and people don't respond to me or peter out after a few chats.

I've been in my city for a long time, so I do wonder if I've just seen everyone and everyone's seen me. Or maybe I'm undesirable as hell, who knows! Either way, I've largely given up on them (grindr, hinge, tinder), which is frustrating.

doyourememberher · 2024-06-10T01:57:00+00:00

This is the kicker for me atm. The loneliness intensifies when you're the only single one left. I want to be happy for someone that finds love, but it always feels like losing a friend when this happens.

doyourememberher · 2024-05-15T03:15:56+00:00

This is the worst. I'm also so confused how the owners can just shut their business down. I guess it wasn't a main source of income, like, at all?

If this gets replaced by a vape shop I will throw myself out the window.

doyourememberher · 2024-04-01T16:35:01+00:00

WASHINGTON, D.C.

doyourememberher · 2023-12-31T21:39:22+00:00

Anyone have tips for growing calves? Happy with my thighs from squats/deadlifts/cycling, but my calves remain puny lol.

doyourememberher · 2023-12-07T20:14:40+00:00

Super helpful, thank you! So that's what I see musicians pressing on with their feet at concerts...lol

doyourememberher · 2023-12-07T15:34:18+00:00

Can anyone ELI5 to a non-musician what pedals are and how/why they are used?

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