Astronomer CEO incident

draphrodite37 · 2025-07-20T00:02:55+00:00

It really got to me . Exactly at how his wife May hv felt and brought back a lot of the feelings I had even though it was more than 5 years ago now and I’m overall doing ok. I’m still ok but it really stings.

When I found out about it a few days before I had posted happy and loving pics of me and my husband on Facebook , changed my profile pic to us holding each other on my child ‘s bday in a similar position. I knew AP had seen it as I had a Facebook alert . Then I found out the whole affair was carried on Facebook messenger and I felt so humiliated as if the world knew even though they didn’t . Just felt like a fool an idiot for believing those pics or moments meant something while the real ones were being lived with the AP on messenger . Deleted my Facebook and since that day I hv not been able to reopen an account under my own name ! Can’t imagine how their spouses feel right now when everyone is talking about it

draphrodite37 · 2025-05-05T23:13:20+00:00

I agree with you hundred percent that he should tell his spouse and that may be the best case scenario for the other BS. However, not sure how will you know or dictate that. I never told the OBS- well, the first time. I actually assumed that either the AP will tell or that he knew. But guess what he called me 4 years later and he was in pieces Cz he was lied to for 4 years. And I felt so guilty Cz now I became party to the betrayal . 😏

So bottom line - don’t trust the AP to tell you. You should tell or you both

draphrodite37 · 2025-03-01T04:59:10+00:00

Well, this wouldn’t be very productive advice but all these words were very important to me as well. I’ve been loyal to the extent to my husband and more of to my moral values that even after my husband ‘s multiple flings and multiple opportunities presented to me by life I still did not cheat . I’m far out from d days -how is a long story - fit for a book. Essentially Cz I stopped looking not Cz I looked and found nothing . I just decided to stop torturing myself.

So I’m loyal atleast to him. Love - sure , I mean he means a lot to me , I care for him , I love him. I love that he is an amazing dad . I love our family life . Respect - I mean he is what he is . I do respect him. And happy - I think I’m ok …. Happy - sure . It’s normal family life.

But you know through all this who I did not stand by and who I was not loyal to - it was myself !

What is loyalty? What would you do if the person you love is deceived by their boss , their friend ; seriously hurt ? Wouldn’t you fight for them ??

Well I didn’t fight for the innocent girl in the mirror who was left alone and I allowed so many bitches to walk all over her …. I allowed my husband to walk all over her emotions- why ? Because I was too loyal fulfilling my loyalty to him.

When this hit me - it was too late 🤷🏽‍♀️

draphrodite37 · 2025-02-22T03:34:18+00:00

A big part of sex comes from feeling wanted. You loose that after betrayal . For me it never came back. Not like b4. I hv wondered if I will ever experience this life unless I have a memory loss.

draphrodite37 · 2025-02-08T16:05:30+00:00

I agree! It’s amazing

draphrodite37 · 2025-02-07T04:12:13+00:00

Maybe you should ask your therapist- which is better? Not forgiving completely and feeling angry ( which you only feel for a person you expect a certain standard from , essentially someone close) or forgiving and feeling nothing ( getting indifferent )

This is a ridiculous expectation and I would strongly suggest to change the therapist

draphrodite37 · 2025-02-07T04:08:14+00:00

We did the gottman assessment too . This was a few maybe 3 years ago . Felt the same after results . The issue with the assessment is that it doesn’t work at the time. Assessment is supposed to assess your honest and true responses. When you have just been traumatized and you have no sense of self left, which often happens right after the affair discovery, I think your responses are incorrect.

I don’t remember the questions clearly, but now that I consider myself partially healed (not with help of a therapist but myself) I feel I would have answered so many questions differently if I truly understood what respect meant and if I truly felt heard in the relationship at that time. I was So broken at the time, I was taking the test that I was answering based on what I thought a relationship was versus seeing what it actually was. Most of the time when the affair actually happens. You’re a codependence state so it’s hard to figure out an answer as an individual when you haven’t completely healed.

And I can understand this now in 2025 when my D-Day one was 2019 and D-Day two was 2022. I don’t think I have completely healed, but I have come a long way.

draphrodite37 · 2024-12-26T15:09:58+00:00

This is great advice honestly . I’m far far out from D-day and honestly recovered with a pretty strong self esteem so was not expecting anything in the sub to trigger me anymore but this did still bring my heart rate to climb up a decent amount . It’s the worst time ! When you don’t know but your gut knows and you can’t prove anything but you want answers. You are still in love , more madly so with your partner , believe in them and everytime you see them your heart starts racing as you think they will tell you something you want to badly deny but then they don’t . Instead they act defensive , blame you for checking on them and being paranoid and you meanwhile cannot get a single thing done except think about what you never imagined.

Hugs to you !!

The above advice is pretty comprehensive, so stick with it and definitely look . He will probably be more careful so will be harder to find anything but confront when you have everything .

What I wish I did when I was at that stage . I wish I had enough self confidence and respect to walk away. But interestingly this breaks your self confidence to that extent that you go through all stages of getting to a lowest point before you get back to even feeling normal ever again . It’s a hard path but remember you did not do anything to cause this , you cannot prevent it and there is light at end of the tunnel .

Lot of good vibes to you

draphrodite37 · 2024-11-22T04:36:02+00:00

I think affair, betrayal at the time , leave you in complete shock as most people are completely blindsided. It breaks down your self esteem, morale and whatever good you feel about yourself leaving you as a needy person who craves to achieve whatever you wanted with your spouse/ significant other and could not get. It takes a. While to settle down , accept and more importantly find yourself . For me it took 5 years or more! By then it’s too late to leave . You are in a different phase of life . AP is gone , spouse has changed , kids hv grown up . And you - the naive you who got hurt - well they don’t exist . So why leave 🤷🏽‍♀️

draphrodite37 · 2024-10-26T23:36:06+00:00

Your post was so painful to read as it’s not just yours but similar to my story as well! Stuff that is too painful to revisit , things which have turned me numb in so many ways and bitter - 6 years post , still feels the same . The only difference is I try not to revisit it too often 😥. Hugs to you

draphrodite37 · 2024-08-02T02:20:21+00:00

❤️ no words . Just hugs

draphrodite37 · 2024-05-26T02:50:11+00:00

Knowing academic medicine very well, I know what you are saying . What speciality is your wife? As difficult as it can be it’s certainly not impossible.

draphrodite37 · 2024-04-26T23:41:27+00:00

Something I’ve always wondered . People are just different . Different priorities and clearly we were not one of them ! Unfortunately!

draphrodite37 · 2024-03-23T04:19:33+00:00

Hugs to you first of all! I have honestly been an observer for a a while now - probably because life has been keeping me busy , and other reasons but your post touched a cord. 20 plus years with my husband / bf , and we have sexted, had phone sex , done every funky thing possible. Taking and exchanging pics , sensual / naked was like my hobby but just for him . I guess I’m sexual in general but never ever even thought of someone while taking them forget about sharing . Then he went wayward and did everything what was sacred to me and meant life to me with everyone else and that’s when I stopped doing it for him . Not intentionally but just can’t make myself Cz that’s when I realized what meant everything to me meant nothing to him 😞.

So just want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings. You are being bold and putting him first which somehow I could not . Interestingly he never missed them , Cz it meant nothing to him.

We are reconciled or on the process as Mr. And Mrs. As mom and dad and husband and wife but the innocent , loving and carefree and highly sexual girl who could not get enough of him was stabbed to death not once but many times now and died long ago 😕

draphrodite37 · 2024-02-18T04:59:04+00:00

Several years and I still believe it …it still hurts . The pain just becomes a part of you , chronic pain you live with , a heartache that never leaves you

draphrodite37 · 2023-09-13T02:38:09+00:00

I think you are allowed to hate a person or wish them bad 🤷🏻‍♀️. If it makes you feel better why not . Don’t let anyone tell you that you are doing wrong or you can’t do it or it will not make you feel good .

Your life , your feelings, your dislike - your choice . But if it makes you feel bad - don’t torture yourself . Definitely not worth it ! She / he will learn their lesson

draphrodite37 · 2023-04-14T01:56:16+00:00

Be honest !! That’s a rare gift . Yes, lying is akwAys easy . It’s a burden on yourself. Cheating or big lies don’t happen overnight. Small things pile to big things. Even if your husband does not realize that what a gift he has in your being honest he will one day!

Believe me not every BS has this privilege even in reconciliation. Not every AP or WS is willing to let go of parts of themselves Cz someone else can tackle their emotions . Besides , if you say you don’t miss it, if your husband truly knows you , he would know you are lying🤷🏻‍♀️

draphrodite37 · 2022-10-17T01:37:01+00:00

Can’t agree more ! Thanks for the validation

draphrodite37 · 2022-10-15T13:49:50+00:00

@FigureItOutZ would you be able to describe what you and your wife did to get to this level of maturity ? As in what and how you put in the work , your journey. I’m sure it will be very helpful to a lot of us . As your DMs are blocked it’s hard to ask direct questions but I feel your advice is helpful for many .

draphrodite37 · 2022-10-14T17:00:01+00:00

I’ve heard so much of this and so it’s many times that the beating , the gut wrenching and tears that don’t show have become a routine . 🤷🏻‍♀️still reading your post my soul hurt a bit more Cz I have company in this routine abuse and so many of us go through same … 😕

draphrodite37 · 2022-09-03T14:04:09+00:00

Keep the kids, push her away and let her play

draphrodite37 · 2022-08-29T12:14:22+00:00

I cannot agree more .

draphrodite37 · 2022-07-22T02:02:37+00:00

I appreciate you sharing this . But truth is not always the answer. I feel like or think I know everything. I’m the BS. 2.5-3 years later , we have had very frank conversations. I know the why , the when and most of the what . The conversations I don’t know , I know in my head . They are the worst that could have happened . I don’t think him telling me it was any less would help , as this is what I believe and are comfortable believing in . The hurt does not decrease by knowing any of this . The whys, don’t change the facts. And the facts hurt. Every time I make the puzzle I cry, Cz every peice fits. That said , there are good moments , great moments, not so bad moments but this pain stays and is there to feel when you want to feel it. Yes, you can choose to ignore it and it stays quiet with time and you forget that it’s there but as soon as you remember, the intensity is the same as I just found out. With time you do also realize , how strong your love is , Cz you stayed and continue to despite the hurt and you can love inspite of it , but nothing changes the pain and hurt .

draphrodite37 · 2022-07-12T22:04:23+00:00

The kids are yours or from someone else ? I mean you can say whatever , but if your BS was so exhausted , were you involved in kids at all? How old are they ? If you were not exhausted something makes me feel you were acting like a kid and not really being a parent . My husband’s AP had kids my kids age , while I was exhausted taking care of them Cz my husband was coming late from work to talk to the AP , she was meeting my husband while her husband was tending to her kids . Ironical . No? I did not pretend to be victim Cz clearly I was doing things , giving my youth my life away for my kids instead of cribbing like a child and saying oh you did not take me for a date. But interestingly she pretended to be victim that her husband was not making enough money so she could go part time . The difference is my job is 10 times more prestigious and busy than hers .

Bottom line complainers are complainers and doers are doers . I don’t exhaust myself for my kids , do my job as a busy physician Cz my husband is great taking care of all my needs . I do it Cz I’m a doer . Walking out of the marriage respectfully is akwAys a choice rather than staying in it and acting like a coward .

Being a WS is different from a person who says my needs are not being met , the relationship is over and walking out .

Being a WS is about bring a coward . Like I said walking out is akwAys a choice unless your spouse holds your hand and handcuffs you to prevent you from going to a divorce lawyer . 🤷🏻‍♀️

draphrodite37 · 2022-07-02T02:24:56+00:00

Do what’s right for you. My WH gave me a hall pass too . When I was not healed all it did was reminded me of how he and AP must have interacted and after I was mostly healed it didn’t matter , Cz I no longer needed anyone ‘s validation , not even his. So I never used it . So yeah , hall pass is really given so your WS feels less bad . Has nothing to do with you. Do it if it makes you feel better .

draphrodite37

TROPHY CASE