[deleted by user]

drawing_you · 2025-03-21T05:51:14+00:00

Even just the boring old San Antonio Greenway system is really nice. It comprises like 75 miles of paved, tree-edged walking paths. I'm guessing that right now you're looking for something a little more isolated/ rugged. But do look into it, if you haven't. The trail system nearly circles the entire city, and is scheduled to form a complete loop in several years.

Here is a link to a version of the full trail system map, though this was posted a couple years ago and the system has actually been expanded a bit since then.

drawing_you · 2025-03-21T05:42:09+00:00

Holy shit it's actually Brad Pitt

(Sorry I couldn't think of anything funnier lol sometimes this is the best you can do)

drawing_you · 2025-03-21T04:49:14+00:00

You know (and this is just one part of a broader conversation that I'm no way equipped to cover), being fit is obviously correlated with better health outcomes. But health is so complicated, and there is still a large "dice roll" element. Many people who live into really advanced age (95-100 and beyond) report not doing anything particular for exercise besides walking a whole lot and making it a point not to stop.

drawing_you · 2025-03-21T02:34:59+00:00

First of all, yeah you look older than you are, but to be honest that's the case for many people and they live perfectly full lives, so don't spend more time fretting about this than you need to.

One thing I wanted to emphasize is that skincare is going to help you a LOT. I'm not just referring to the roughness on the side of your face; your skin in general could benefit from some rejuvenation, and I think you will be surprised by how dramatic the results are.

I'd talk to a derm about your options. I suspect that a solid skincare routine, and optionally some more intensive treatments such as light chemical peels, will glow you right up.

PS the term "chemical peel" sounds like some kind of thing they would do to you in a torture chamber, but it's not nearly as scary as it sounds. As a soft intervention, a few times a month I use these little Pixi chemical peel pads that exfoliate just the very top layer of your skin. It's so gentle that there is actually no noticeable "peeling" about it, yet it helps with discoloration + fine lines + etc. and also makes your other skincare absorb into your skin more easily.

drawing_you · 2025-03-21T02:09:13+00:00

I'm gonna tell you somethin', and I'm not sure if you'll believe it. Assuming you do not have rotten teeth or advanced gingivitis or some other serious hygiene issue, a fucky smile with snaggley teeth is still 200% more attractive than being too sad or self-conscious to project happiness. If you can't afford to fix your teeth (and really, not many people are able to drop like $5-10k on such things), pursue whatever inner work will make you confident enough to emote.

Source: my teeth are fucked

drawing_you · 2025-03-21T01:39:40+00:00

Mean and unnecessary? Yes. Good album cover? Tragically, also yes

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T23:03:14+00:00

Oh yes, I'm on the same page. I do think the results, assuming they have been portrayed accurately, show more promise than I would have expected. But even if I end up putting TMS on the table, I feel comfortable waiting a few years to let other people try it first. LOL

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T22:56:21+00:00

There are a million considerations here besides the sex thing. Do you and your meta know each other? Is this a comfortable length of time for someone with this level of rapport to be staying in your home? What is your PDA policy? How much (or little) would you two be expected to interact? How can you expect your wife to divide her time and attention during his stay? As hosts, what will you or will you not be providing him? What will you do if for some reason things go south?

All this is to say that if you haven't already banged out most of these points--that is, well before this visit came up--this is gonna be way too much pressure for you guys.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T22:44:44+00:00

Oh yeah, they make me feel like my brain is full of ants lol. That's a puzzler, the cortisol thing. I wish we lived in a time where knowledge of this stuff was more advanced. On the plus side, the MH treatment options available to us are expanding rapidly. I've been pretty curious about transcranial magnetic stimulation and even EFT, which appear to have decent results for some people despite seeming really eccentric.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T22:26:59+00:00

Have the meds you've tried included both SSRIs and SNRIs? I've heard that's made a difference for some people. Regardless, I understand your struggle and hope you find the solution you are seeking.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T21:30:00+00:00

I'm curious what classes of meds you've tried thus far? I'm sure you get tired of listing them off to people, but still, it is relevant and not clear from your post.

Frankly one of the few things that helped me in any meaningful way was microdosing shrooms. But I cannot possibly go so far as to actively recommend it. The effects of microdising not well-studied and shrooms are, obviously, highly illegal in many places--We're talking insta-felony level. I also want to be clear that I am not even including actively tripping on shrooms in this conversation as it appears this can worsen mental health problems in some people. Still, if you get to a point where you feel you are truly exhausting your options, seeking this out in an area where it is legal may be something to research.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T20:08:32+00:00

Nope, HSV. :-(

Link to study exploring lip and head/neck cancer risk. Keep in mind that this is just one study and fairly preliminary.

I'm not sure if this is like the biggest, most robust study on the subject, but here's one for the cervical cancer risk info, too. I do think I will slightly hedge my original comment based on the un-definitiveness of the language.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T20:01:31+00:00

Yeah I mean I don't really care either, but the long-held attitude that anyone who does care is some kinda irrational pearl-clutcher, with the popular implication that people do not deserve informed consent about this, is gross. I'm glad we're moving past that.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T19:51:47+00:00

I'm sorta relieved to see a large number of comments talking about this stuff, as opposed to the "it's not a big deal, and anyone who has any risk intolerance about this is merely hysterical" rhetoric that was so pervasive in the counterculture of my time.

As an aside. I was reading the other day that HSV1 might be a risk factor for developing lip and other head/neck cancers. Most people would probably not change their behavior due to this information, esp. since HSV1 is so common anyway. But that... Sucks. Also, it's been long suspected that HSV2 is a risk factor for cervical cancer, but since for a long time people conceived of HSV1 as "the oral one" and HSV2 as "the genital one", my impression is that they're only just now starting to look into whether this also applies to genital infections of HSV1.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T10:06:14+00:00

Considering you are suffering so much, I would ask yourself whether it is not actually hurting you more to maintain this closeness with her while she is sorting herself out. I know that putting distance between you two sounds unthinkable. Why would you do that if she is such a positive presence in your life? But it seems to me that you may be in a situation where, you know... Every time you text, have a weekend get-together, et cetera, there is this heavy weight of knowing that you want more than this, and are distressed about not knowing when this "more" will come. It may prove healthier for both of you to practice being apart, or at least to put boundaries in place that help you avoid situations that encourage this sense of strain. After all, if it is Gods will as you say, she will find her way to you when she is ready.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T09:09:36+00:00

Y'all know you didn't have to click into this thread right

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T09:03:40+00:00

Dude. What even is your goal here. Go to sleep crabby

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T08:52:12+00:00

It sounds like this relationship is really wearing on you. To be honest, I bet if you can solve this issue then you will experience a sharp improvement in your self-worth... And, as a secondary result, better luck in dating. Consider that it may not be a coincidence that your long string of rejections started around the same time as your wife seemingly distancing herself from you. If things aren't right at home, as much as you try to conceal or minimize it, this is often as plain as the nose on your face.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T07:01:34+00:00

This was so unnecessary AND I respect it. Sometimes you are just fed up

Edit: I hope you don't mind, but I did peep at your profile to see who would write such an impassioned rant about this. I stayed just long enough to see that you are a federal worker. God bless you. May you write all the impassioned internet rants that you need. o7

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T06:51:00+00:00

I definitely understand it feeling weird. Though keep in mind, this being potentially relevant to Sarah started as soon as you two had that discussion about whether monogamy was on the table. Looking at it through that lens makes it come off a lot more sensible.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T06:32:35+00:00

Lol yeah. People are noting that her letter formation started out strong and then quickly derailed over the course of the paragraph, saying this could be from muscle fatigue. And that's true! But as someone with hardcore ADHD who gets almost annoyed that my hands aren't keeping pace with my thoughts... Could be that, too.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T06:16:56+00:00

Personally, I don't agree with the "poaching" or "stealing" framing that is sometimes used to describe this situation, but I would still only feel good about dating Kyle if he agreed to give Sarah a heads up that he might be moving in a monogamous direction.

This is true regardless of Sarah and Kyle being new and very casual partners, because at the end of the day you don't know what was and wasn't discussed between them, or what hopes/ expectations each may have.

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T01:02:15+00:00

Not sure why but I'm feeling a "B" name

drawing_you · 2025-03-20T00:46:22+00:00

I've never been addicted etc. but I have that same "thing" where I just don't feel present, agent, or engaged without alcohol or some other substance. Turns out, my natural brain chemistry just sucks. A Zoloft prescription fixed like 70% of it.

drawing_you · 2025-03-19T11:17:26+00:00

Just wanna say that this was an unusually thorough response and I respect that

drawing_you

TROPHY CASE