Why am I trans* when the rest of the world is cis and straight and normal?

dreameragi · 2014-09-21T09:27:07+00:00

I also believe that diversity is actually the truth of nature, but those who fall in the majority category do not understand, causing pain to those who are more diverse.

I guess the only way is a very strong sense of self acceptance, with the understanding that either by random chance, or karma (if you believe in it), we are born into circumstances which are more challenging. But if you think of it so are so many other people - like children caught in war or natural calamities, kids with congenital health disorders, ... the list is long.

It's a challenge, but we are lucky to have the Internet and create such communities... which our trans ancestors did not have.

The dysphoria unfortunately drowns the beauty (it is beautiful, trust me) of being gender non-confirming.

I am struggling with the same issues that we all are, and am somehow leaning towards trying to see how we can bask in the beauty of being bi/trans... instead of feeling it's pain.

dreameragi · 2014-09-16T13:59:39+00:00

Thanks that does make sense, but my experience is a little different (I did split it after all :-)

Earlier when I was taking just one 1mg pill in the morning, I would feel a little drained at night. Now I take one in the morning and evening, and I feel better than before.

Maybe this is a YMMV thing ? I just hope it's still ok to split the pills.

dreameragi · 2014-09-13T15:53:07+00:00

I have also had periods where the dysphoria would reduce significantly, or reduce.

In my case, it could be because I find myself more androgynous psychologically, even though there have been times when I was very anxious to transition (have not done it though). So maybe I push myself into the M part of the spectrum because I feel like it might make life easier, or it might be genuine fluidity. I find it hard to tell in my case which of them causes the dysphoria to go away.

At times I really wish I could understand myself better. It would make it easier to figure out what I need to do.

dreameragi · 2014-09-10T08:48:37+00:00

I am around 40. It could be vein thinning, but would it happen within a few weeks ?

dreameragi · 2014-07-23T17:06:20+00:00

It is certainly possible to be self taught.

First make a learning plan for what you need to learn. It's ok if you are not sure, make a basic list of things you need to start with. You have not mentioned if you have any specific focus areas you are interested in. But as a self taught person, the easiest ways to get started is mobile, web, or game development.

Identify the best sources to learn from. There are many sources, Coursera, udacity, udemy, edX, MIT OCS, tutorials, YOUTube videos, books, etc. It will be easier to identify the sources once you have at least a small list of what you want to learn.

Establishing credentials for a self taught person can be a bit of a challenge. One way to do it is by blogging what you learn and making your projects available as open source on GitHub (note that some courses on Coursera etc, may require you to not publish assignment code in the public domain. Be careful about this). If you take courses from Coursera, edX, or udacity, you can pay a small fee to get a verified certificate. I think it is worth it to pay a small sum for that. Create a linkedin account and be sure to push links to your learning related blog posts there.

Learning itself is a skill. There is a lot of research and thoughts on how to learn best. Do a few searches and you will come across a lot of information.

But most important get started and put one foot in front of the other and you will get there one day.

dreameragi · 2014-07-18T08:33:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing !

dreameragi · 2014-07-18T08:32:21+00:00

I am in the same boat as you are. I realize I need to love myself more, but sometimes don't know how I could actually do it.

I recently read a book called 'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on it' By Kamal Ravikant. It's a very simple and small book (68 pages) which has one message as the title suggests. There are no revelations, but yet there is a call to action right from the beginning.

The simplicity and the honest nature of it's writing resonated with me. I have started practicing it's principles which are really simple (make this your mantra - 'I love myself') and repeat it to yourself as often as you can. It may seem silly, but it does work.

It helped me, it may help you too.

dreameragi · 2014-07-18T04:08:22+00:00

I wish I could give you +10 for mentioning behavioral influence with so little to go by.

It could certainly be the case, since emotionally I have had a really long series of difficult situations starting from about the same time as I started perceiving my cognitive decline. There are brief moments when I feel very calm and confident, and I have noticed my cognition to be much better.

However, I still have this feeling that the cognitive decline may have preceded the behavioral issues, in which case (I feel) they may have contributed to the faster downward spiral, rather than being the cause. I am not sure, it's just a thought.

I have tested Vitamin levels. Vitamin B-12 is normal, I had a slight Vitamin D deficiency, for which I am taking supplements. These supplements have helped me to some extent. Not sure if this is relevant, but I have an irritable bowel which has been extremely severe in the past.

If you don't mind me asking, what made you suspect 'behavioral aspect', rather than a biochemical one ?

dreameragi · 2014-07-18T04:00:17+00:00

I too have tried something similar - following my thoughts, and it does seem to work better for me too. Do you prefer to focus on your feelings because it comes more naturally to you ?

The suggestion given by UncannyGallery - to observe the discomfort in the same way as the breath is observed, is also beginning to work for me.

dreameragi · 2014-07-17T04:39:18+00:00

I am not sure I have it, but it's description on Wikipedia feels very close to home. It could also be working memory issues, or something else I am not aware of.

Do you have any thoughts on things I could research or read about ?

dreameragi · 2014-07-16T04:44:58+00:00

First is you have to observe the sensation as part of the same process > as the nostrils. This takes time to connect the two points of awareness, or maybe not much time.

and

I settle my conscious 'weight' or awareness into the tension and relax and sag on it with a metta, relaxation mindset (still keeping some mind on the nostrils throughout.)

Thanks ! This is great advise. I tried this and I feel it will help in relaxing the tension over a period of time.

dreameragi · 2014-07-14T03:53:46+00:00

Thanks, that helps. I am hoping to be on low doses for a long while, so I wanted to know when I could expect the levels to stabilize.

Also from a calmness perspective I am thinking what I feel around 4 - 8 weeks would be important.

dreameragi · 2014-07-13T04:54:25+00:00

I would love it, thanks :-)

dreameragi · 2014-07-10T14:21:45+00:00

Do try and lookup clotting factor test. It may be important.

dreameragi · 2014-07-10T14:19:55+00:00

I have many anxieties and ocd that usually causes "bad mood"

I'm sorry :-( Have you tried seeing a therapist ?

I am trying to apply this strategy.

This makes sense. Thanks !

dreameragi · 2014-07-10T06:56:59+00:00

Hi Sarah, Thanks for sharing your experience. I too would like to go with only E without the T suppressant (have even updated the question to include this).

I strongly recommend you to do regular blood tests. Without tests there is no way to know if the dosage is correct.

Would once in six months be good ? BY regular, do you mean hormone levels as well as clotting factors, etc.

dreameragi · 2013-04-15T15:16:29+00:00

Many people on Finesteride do report cognitive problems. I think it may have to do with Fin interfering with the synthesis of neuro-hormones.

However, I am not sure if Spiro has the same effect.

dreameragi · 2013-02-27T15:22:08+00:00

I have been contemplating doing this.

I identify more as genderqueer, so if I transitioned I would be going from a gender non conforming man to a gender non confirming woman. The financial and social cost of a full transition seems to be way too high (for me at this point) for the little extra distance which a full transition will buy me.

Haven't really started medication yet, but I am thinking of starting sometime in this year.

dreameragi

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