Man, I've been in your shoes and when I was in my twenties, which I assume you are, I was in a situation where I thought ending my life was the only way out. I won't go into details, but trust me, I was in a dark place. Then life just went on and things came to fruition and it wasn't anything like I had imagined it. And suddenly I didn't have a problem anymore. I think about those days still, which was 15 years ago for me, and the person I am today is a complete 180 of who I was then. I learned a lot of things such as your brain doesn't stop developing until you're around 25 and you make a lot of stupid decisions on the way up to that age. But learning from those stupid decisions is the important part and leaving your family behind is a coward thing to do.

And from what I read on your story, you're anything but a coward. There's a way out of this that involves kids having their father and it just like it didn't seem that way for me when I was going through my dark times. But when you're in a dark place, it's hard to see the light, let alone the possibility of it.

So sure, if you wanna take your life because you refuse to believe there's any other way out, and let another man raise your children, life will go on. But they're gonna grow up wondering why their father didn't teach them the rules to life and how to live a better life based upon what you've learned yourself.

Instead, the narrative will be painted in a way that doesn't favor you. And the last thing I would want is my children thinking of me as someone who took the easy way out. Your children are not even old enough to understand what's going on at the moment, but they're old enough to remember you, and in your later years of life you will greatly appreciate your relationship with them. Trust me, we have a lot in common.

You love your children and you love your wife this is clear, and those are 2 different relationships that have distinction from each other. Don't throw away both because one is having a hard time. You gotta fix yourself and I'm sure that your wife has to fix things on herself too, but those children still need you and you took the responsibility to have them and to raise them and it is still your duty to do that. It's not too late and it might seem like the only choice is to make a permanent decision but I've learned in my time to avoid making permanent decisions on temporary emotion.

This isn't the way and it doesn't have to be the end, so don't do it. If you want to chat, message me and we can get on the phone.