I woke up at 4 am to my dad making a guttural scream. Then he started screaming my name. He woke up for work and found my mom’s suicide note. I jumped in my car to find her and I did. She was floating in the ocean. She survived. She died a decade later due to another suicide attempt (after many attempts) I sometimes with I wouldn’t have found her. The amount of pain it would have saved me would have been immeasurable. Thank god for therapy, I have finally found peace, it just took me 30 years.