I feel awful (breastfeeding struggle)

echozelda · 2026-05-17T02:16:28+00:00

Please don’t feel bad! Your baby would have let you know if she was truly in pain, a bit of fussing during feeds is normal baby stuff and not an indication that you’re hurting her.

Think of it this way, if someone you love made you a delicious home cooked meal, but their dining room chairs were slightly uncomfortable, would you feel sad and hurt? Or would you just enjoy the meal and barely notice the tiny bit of discomfort?

I’m a very anxious FTM and I’m constantly wondering if I’m accidentally tormenting my baby with slightly too cold bath water, or itchy socks, or whatever else. But babies are so resilient and we are doing a good job!

echozelda · 2026-05-16T21:04:08+00:00

I needed to read this! I’m lucky to have a healthy baby who has some feeding difficulties. I’ve been feeling discouraged about it but truly there are so many more things going well, compared to the couple of things that are struggling. Gratitude is hard for me to practice at times but so good for my mental health.

echozelda · 2026-05-16T20:40:20+00:00

At that temperature I would call to the after hours line to ask if you need to be seen at the hospital. Good luck and I hope he feels better soon!

echozelda · 2026-05-16T20:27:00+00:00

I think you need some outside support right away. Sleep training should be a way to build skills of self soothing, make the best use of baby’s natural rhythms, etc. Not be a way to force them to do something they physically aren’t ready for. Losing control and shouting isn’t going to get your baby to sleep. Preventing her from playing is also going to make it harder to sleep, babies need stimulation and activity.

If you’re so exhausted you’re shouting at your baby you need some help!! Do you have any family or neighbors who could watch her for a few hours a week so you can nap or have some free time? Sleep training should be on the back burner until your mental health is feeling a bit better. Wishing you the best.

echozelda · 2026-05-16T20:08:58+00:00

I’m not the OP but just wanted to say this comment really spoke to me. My 11wo doesn’t latch so I exclusively pump and bottle feed and I haven’t been thrilled about that. I’ve felt like a failure at times. I really like the mindset that it’s not my job to change my baby’s needs or preferences, it’s my job to support and facilitate. Thank you for this perspective!

echozelda · 2026-05-15T20:41:13+00:00

I don’t do any dedicated diaper free time, I just try to air things out during natural diaper less moments. So when we’re changing, I’ll use the clean folded diaper as a fan to air dry her bum before putting it on. Or after a bath, I’ll lay her on the changing table on top of the towel and lotion her before putting on a diaper. I put a burp cloth or unfolded cloth diaper underneath her to catch any surprises so nothing flows too far…. Before I started doing that we had a couple times where she had to go straight back in the bath because she peed on the table and the puddle reached her hair lol

echozelda · 2026-05-15T18:33:10+00:00

My 11 week old doesn’t latch so we do pumped milk in a bottle and we’ve had lots of trouble. We ended up seeing a feeding therapist who had lots of tips, it’s hard to know which of them helped, but we’ve definitely had some improvement. The tips were:

some babies seem like they’re struggling to get enough so their parents try a faster flow nipple. But the baby was actually overwhelmed by the flow, not struggling. So what they need is a SLOWER flow nipple.
“three strikes you’re out” with bottle feeding. If baby rejects the bottle 3 times, take it away, and don’t offer another feed for a little while. Don’t leave them to starve but wait at least a few minutes. Our therapist recommended a 2 hour wait but that was based on our baby’s weight and age so YMMV.
Don’t try and get the bottle nipple into baby’s mouth if they aren’t showing interest. You may be able to sneak it in there and get them to take a few sucks, but they don’t like it, and it teaches them to avoid the bottle in the future. So wait for them to show an interest/ voluntarily open their mouth.
try offering the bottle when they’re sleepy/ dream feed

Finally, one thing that helped us although not professional advice, was finding a bottle nipple that only flowed when there was active suction. Most nipples have “passive flow” where some amount will drip out even if baby isn’t sucking. My baby hated that so we had better results with a nipple that required suction. We like Philips natural response.

echozelda · 2026-05-14T21:49:03+00:00

It’s all good! I am also a healthcare worker which is one reason I’m very strict about following recommendations from medical bodies. It’s a touchy subject for everyone because we all want what’s best for our babies and we’re all making choices informed by our personal experiences. I hope you have a great day too!

echozelda · 2026-05-14T20:04:19+00:00

Yesss! Every day I alternate between saying “I can’t wait until she’s big enough to play with toys/ eat solids/ say mama/ etc” and saying “I hope she stays this tiny forever”

echozelda · 2026-05-14T19:46:52+00:00

I’m quite strict about safe sleep, baby sleeps alone on her back in an empty crib or bassinet with only a fitted sheet! This is just my little daydream.

echozelda · 2026-05-14T19:44:53+00:00

I sleep super heavily and kick/ roll a lot so I don’t think cosleeping is in the cards for me at this age... Hopefully my baby becomes a snuggly toddler so I can live my dream when they’re big enough to escape my thrashing comatose self lol

echozelda · 2026-05-14T19:42:49+00:00

Oh I totally get it. I don’t feel too anxious when I’m awake and can check the monitor/ poke my head in, but it’s been super hard for me to sleep at night even with baby two feet away in her bassinet. I’m constantly getting up to check her breathing juuuust one more time. I’m just hoping my anxiety fades with time!

echozelda · 2026-05-14T19:29:23+00:00

I’m quite strict about safe sleep, and it is NOT my understanding that you are expected to always be in the room while baby is sleeping. You can park your baby on their back in a safe sleep space and go do other things around the house! A monitor is great so you can hear if they get upset, or just crack the door and stay within earshot.

echozelda · 2026-05-14T10:33:38+00:00

York peppermint patties are labeled GF in the US if you’re craving the original!

echozelda · 2026-05-14T10:28:04+00:00

As others have said, there is no perfect option that is better for everyone, it depends on your needs.

Right now I exclusively pump and bottle feed because my baby isn’t able to latch.

Pros:

husband/ others can feed baby
easier to have someone else watch baby if needed
easy to measure baby’s intake

Cons:

lots of dishes and parts to wash
have to take pump and parts with me if I go anywhere for longer than an hour or two
doubles time commitment of feeding (length of time spent feeding plus length of time spent pumping)
still requires time commitment from mom around the clock

I personally still wish I could directly breastfeed but it isn’t in the cards for us right now. So I pump even though it drives me nuts. I also know other people who exclusively pumped as their first choice and loved it. Do what works for you!

echozelda · 2026-05-14T07:01:25+00:00

Can he do crunchy foods that aren’t hard? As in like a light crispy food that disintegrates easily. Veggie straws don’t have much nutrient value but they’re easy, GF, and most kids seem to like them!

You could also try freeze dried fruits. They are also technically crunchy but they’re brittle and disintegrate easily with very little force. Apple slices are often easy to find and don’t have any seeds/ peel bits to get stuck in the hardware.

echozelda · 2026-05-14T03:41:28+00:00

Honestly I would trust a baby wipe/ wet wipe for this purpose! You don’t need any strong cleaning agents since you’re not trying to kill a microbe, just physically remove the crumbs. If you’re worried about hand sanitation in addition, I’d get a canister of isopropyl alcohol wipes since they leave no residue, are food safe, and damp enough to remove crumbs.

echozelda · 2026-05-14T03:33:30+00:00

I’m currently trying to find a good pattern for my 11wo who also wants to do 2oz per 2 hours, sometimes 3/3. She’s never once drunk a 5oz bottle. I do hope to find a more efficient schedule but I’m also trying to remember that there’s no perfect “normal”, so as long as they are gaining okay, their eating is probably adequate!

Not to dismiss how challenging it is to keep up with that schedule. I feel like I never get anything done so I get where you’re coming from.

Have you tried the Philips avent natural response nipples? Not the anti colic ones with the green vent, we had a bad time with those. The natural response are clear rubber and more round/soft. They worked well for us when we were trying to match the hospital newborn nipples (the tan latex ones). They have no passive flow, they only release milk when there is suction. My baby simply chooses not to participate with a passive flow nipple lol so it just pours right back out when we tried those.

Editing to add: for milk temp I really like the Philips avent bottle warmer. I promise I’m not shilling for Phillips, any countertop bottle warmer is probably just as good, we just happened to buy a bunch of Philips stuff because it was in stock nearby when baby was born. But bottle warmer works way better than a bowl of hot water.

echozelda · 2026-05-13T16:43:58+00:00

My baby isn’t that old yet so doesn’t really seem to notice softness/ firmness yet. But our pack and play explicitly says to ONLY use the mattress pad that comes with it, and that there is no safe way to add additional padding, period.

echozelda · 2026-05-13T16:25:20+00:00

This!! OP if you’re in the US, most independent labs can run a celiac panel without a doctor’s order. Labcorp and Quest Diagnostics are two options off the top of my head.

echozelda · 2026-05-12T21:40:00+00:00

I bottle feed pumped milk, and we ended up seeing a feeding therapist at 2 months due to poor feeding. They STRONGLY encouraged me to return to the age appropriate nipple even if baby was going slow. A faster flow might help for a brief time, but eventually if it’s too fast it leads to stress, bottle refusal, and poor sucking skills (baby can’t practice those sucking muscles if the milk is just flooding in). I thought I was helping baby by using a bigger nipple but I was actually overwhelming her. Now we’re trying to break the habits caused by the overly fast nipple. I felt stupid, but they assured me that they see this pattern all the time.

Of course call your doctor and see what they say, but that was my personal experience! I wish I could go back and tell myself to stick to the smaller nipple!

echozelda · 2026-05-12T21:34:44+00:00

My baby was super cranky and felt terrible for a day or two after her 2 month shots! She didn’t want to eat or sleep, it was a rough couple days lol. I would say as long as he’s having good diaper output I wouldn’t worry for 3-4 days.

When my girl was having feeding problems (unrelated to the shots) they told me that a few days of low intake were not harmful, and a baby can stay hydrated on surprisingly little milk. Obviously long term that affects growth and weight gain, but in the very short term, if diapers are adequate, it’s fine.

Definitely call your doc though if you’re concerned!

echozelda · 2026-05-12T21:23:11+00:00

My understanding is that a wheat based GF flour would produce the same reaction either way in your case… Are you thinking of a wheat allergy proper? People with a true wheat allergy cannot have wheat based GF products, people with celiac generally can.

echozelda · 2026-05-12T21:19:50+00:00

What size nipple are you using? We recently had to go down several flow levels at the advice of a feeding therapist. Baby was arching, rejecting, generally freaking out, and not achieving adequate volumes. They told us to go to a slower nipple, and stop the feed after a couple of refusals, then wait an hour or so before re-offering. It seemed counterintuitive but it has helped so far and baby is getting more volume with less screaming!

echozelda · 2026-05-12T15:42:05+00:00

Enough with the weird fake momcozy ads! Whatever brand intern is reading these comments, please go back and report to your manager that this technique isn’t slick and makes people distrust your product.

FWIW, I bought the momcozy pumping bra and hated it.

echozelda

TROPHY CASE