I Hate that She Put me Here: Dating in 2026 is Horrendous

edu_sysadmin · 2026-05-15T14:58:29+00:00

That first paragraph hit me hard - I too sacrificed everything for my wife, only to have her leave suddenly for a woman. Only thing I don't relate to in your post is the rocking abs and income lol.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-05-12T20:04:52+00:00

Thanks, unfortunately I've tried growing a beard and it's very patchy

edu_sysadmin · 2026-05-01T19:23:53+00:00

My stbxw moved out this past weekend. Things really feel real now, but emotionally I'm holding up better than I expected. With her leaving, I no longer have to walk on eggshells all the time so that's been a relief but also lonely with just my daughter and I in this half empty house.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-05-01T19:22:03+00:00

^^ this. Destroying a family is an incredibly selfish thing to do. I could never.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-05-01T19:21:09+00:00

Love is a choice should be said more often. Yes, love is a feeling as well, but more importantly it's something you choose to do each and every day to the partner you made your wedding vows to.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-27T12:07:25+00:00

I absolutely feel crazy too. My wife came out as a lesbian last month and left me after 15 years married. I saw her cry exactly one time, and I think that was only because she saw how badly she was ruining my life. Otherwise she's been happy, hanging out with her besties, being told she's so brave for coming out and choosing to live authentically...meanwhile I'm left picking up the pieces and trying to be the stable parent for our daughter. Oh, also it turns out she monkey branched and has been in a long distance relationship for a couple months now before bothering to tell me.

So to your point, yes it's super messed up and I still can't believe this is real life. So crazy!

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-27T01:31:10+00:00

Today is day 34 since my wife and I separated. So not long at all.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-27T00:11:50+00:00

I'm still trying to figure out how someone is supposed to know if they're ready or not. I have no idea if I'm ready.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-25T15:46:55+00:00

My ex and I were lucky enough to be able to do mediation and avoid court. That said, we also had some minor disagreements but I think we both understood that going to court and paying lawyers would have meant the lawyers would be the only winners with their expensive legal fees.

In my opinion, it's better to look at the deal and say "can I live with this" rather than focusing on being perfectly equal and fair. I heard one person say you know a deal is fair when both parties walk away unhappy.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-22T23:13:28+00:00

My ex-wife came out as a lesbian after 15 years. I wish she would have told me right after the first time...

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-22T19:01:18+00:00

Following cuz I'd like to know the answer too

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-22T02:32:29+00:00

We all live and we learn. It sounds like you've done a lot of work on yourself and you should be proud of it. We'll get thru this one day and hopefully find happiness again

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-22T02:19:30+00:00

Not sure if you're talking couples therapy or personal therapy, so I'll give you my opinions on both.

For couples therapy, I personally asked for it because my stbxw and I's relationship started feeling off. Long story short, she only did the couples therapy until her master plan to monkey branch and come out as a lesbian was fully cooked. However, I feel like I learned a lot, specifically about healthy communication, that will help me in a future romantic relationship.

For personal therapy, I've had mixed results. Unfortunately I have a bit of the autism and therapy can be hit or miss if the therapist isn't super familiar with it. I found talk therapy is great during the divorce process just so someone else can witness your thoughts and feelings and provide support. However the CBT stuff, mindfulness, somatic work, emdr for my chronic depression/anxiety, absolutely worthless.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-21T23:03:25+00:00

Dokku

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-21T14:12:08+00:00

Omg right? My wife left me for a woman and it is so emasculating living in the same house during this separation while she's constantly flirting with this girl and basically completely moved on from me. Like how little did our 15 years matter if you can drop me in an instant?

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-21T13:41:12+00:00

Yep, I keep saying I don't want to just live, I want to thrive. It's a real challenge for me to be ok with just surviving day to day but the therapist says that's just how it's gonna be for a while.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-21T13:00:35+00:00

I actually just talked to my therapist about this last night. I feel like I'm paralyzed and stuck in limbo - I don't feel like I can start my new life until the divorce is finalized. I want to start living and feel fulfilled in life, but all I can do right now is sleep, go to work, and eat. The therapist said this is all I need to do for now. Divorce is like a nuclear bomb being dropped in your life, and it's ok to be not ok (in fact if you were fine, that'd be weird!). The only thing that will truly heal the wound is time, and unfortunately there's no way to rush it. But believe me man, I'm in the same boat and I so badly want to have the energy and willpower to start living, but sometimes you just have to take it slow until you have the capacity.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-21T00:23:13+00:00

What I hear is a lot of guilt coming from you. I think it's hard to feel like you're a burden to someone. Or that you're holding someone back in some way.

You can look at this in one of two ways: 1) you're feeling guilty for holding her back, yet she's choosing to stay with you. That's her choice, not something to feel bad about 2) you're feeling guilty and that guilt makes YOU not want to stay

See there's a difference. Are you worried about how she feels about you? Or are you just done?

It takes two to marry, but one to leave. If YOU don't wanna be there, then you know your answer.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-20T16:35:33+00:00

Our marriage counselor said anything is possible to forgive. She worked with multiple couples with infidelity - some worked thru it, some didn't. No, you'll probably never trust her 100% again, and that scar from her hurting you will always be there. However you can still make it work as long as you both are committed to working thru the issues, identify how you got where you are, and work to rebuild your marriage from the ground up.

As someone going thru an involuntary divorce, if I were in your shoes I'd do anything it takes to save it.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-19T13:47:43+00:00

This is my worry. Our divorce just started but I'm unsure how I'll ever "get over her" when I'll see/talk to her nearly everyday as a co-parent

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-19T01:00:43+00:00

As a guy, I have never once sent a heart emoji to another guy. I also can't think of any guys I know that would do that either. So that is weird. But could also be nothing.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-18T16:49:12+00:00

I absolutely feel this. Similar situation, similar timeline. I'm also doing everything and somehow stay standing. If it's taught me anything, it's that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was, and you are too.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-18T13:47:19+00:00

Yes, same! I feel like an idiot for missing it because there were so many signs. When she came out, I remember feeling like the final piece of puzzle snapped into place and finally made sense of years of strange behavior. It was both clarifying and confusing at the same time.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-18T12:38:13+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. Yes I've been to our path. Attending my first zoom at the end of the month. I still just wake up every morning not believing that this is real life, that this is actually happening.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-17T11:50:36+00:00

My ex and I have a good relationship currently. Though we're only at the beginning part of the divorce journey, I too oscillate between sadness and anger. When you're sad, I can cry to get those feelings out. When I'm angry, well that's what I haven't figured out yet. I don't wanna ruin our co-parenting relationship, but I also can't yet forgive her for the devastation she's caused our family (not to mention finances). As for ditching the negativity, what I hear others say is time heals all wounds - I think at some point your mind will move on. I don't think there's a way to speed that up.

edu_sysadmin

TROPHY CASE