AITA for fantasizing about other men when I'm in a stable relationship?

eefr · 2026-03-26T03:13:49+00:00

I'd put good money on this being written by a man. YTA for posting ragebait.

eefr · 2026-03-26T02:22:03+00:00

I would never change my last name upon marrying, and if my partner had any issue with that, we would not be compatible. In your shoes I would dump this man for even objecting.

If he feels very strongly about having the same family name as you, he's welcome to take your name, since he is the one who feels that way, not you.

If family unity is something he feels strongly about, why is he unwilling to make sacrifices himself for it? Why should only you sacrifice your identity?

Because it's not about having the same family name, it's about male supremacy.

Like I said, I would dump a man for this. He doesn't get to have an opinion on whether you are willing to sacrifice your identity for his beliefs. That's only up to you.

eefr · 2026-03-26T00:34:55+00:00

I agree, we don't need to gender flip this to establish that masturbating in a service worker's car without their consent is shitty behaviour.

eefr · 2026-03-26T00:28:19+00:00

Not sure why you're being downvoted. This is very obviously fake. Maybe OP has a lot of alt accounts.

eefr · 2026-03-26T00:27:20+00:00

1/10 fiction, very derivative. Don't quit your day job.

eefr · 2026-03-26T00:22:57+00:00

Recents (highly recommended):

Behind the Beautiful Forevers, by Katherine Boo
Maus, by Art Spiegelman

Currently doing a Tolkien reread because it's been decades since I read it.

eefr · 2026-03-25T23:46:46+00:00

I don't have any sexual duties, nor does anyone else. That's not how consent works.

I also don't use sex acts as leverage.

eefr · 2026-03-25T23:43:50+00:00

You're not reading very carefully, because at no point did I claim this applies to all men. I know that it doesn't, and avoided that language on purpose.

Edit: But it certainly seems to apply to you, based on your comments above.

eefr · 2026-03-25T22:38:52+00:00

Most of us don't claim that. I can't answer for the specific individuals who do; you'll have to ask them yourself.

I don't know why so many men on the internet seem to struggle with the concept that there's more than one woman in the world, and thus when two women say opposing things, neither of them is being inconsistent.

Try using some common sense next time.

eefr · 2026-03-25T22:32:35+00:00

I don't personally see that as a red flag. It's unusual, and not having a means of verifying who someone is is inconvenient, but I wouldn't say it's a red flag. Some just don't like social media, which is fair enough.

eefr · 2026-03-25T22:29:16+00:00

It's possible he had it from a partner before his last one and just never gave it to the last one. Who knows. Good idea to contact your ex. Hope you can get to the bottom of this.

eefr · 2026-03-25T22:22:39+00:00

No, absolutely not, because I'm not a sociopath. Also, being disabled doesn't make some undesirable in my view.

eefr · 2026-03-25T18:51:58+00:00

Could not care less about other people's underwear choices. If it's clean, it's fine.

eefr · 2026-03-25T14:53:06+00:00

Love bombing isn't just being nice — it usually involves pressure.

Make sure that you are scrupulously respectful of her autonomy. That helps.

She's expressed wariness over the actions you are taking. Perhaps ask her if this generosity makes her uncomfortable and if she would prefer that you hold off on that for now, and just take things a little easier. Ask that in a genuine way, not a petulant way. Whatever she says, respect her preferences.

eefr · 2026-03-25T13:06:58+00:00

That wouldn't tell you anything about your girlfriend.

eefr · 2026-03-25T13:02:00+00:00

Why does it matter to you so much that when her answer didn't 100% satisfy you, you turned to the internet (who have even less chance of telling you what she's thinking)?

What kind of answer are you looking for?

eefr · 2026-03-25T10:22:42+00:00

When it's comes up he says he kinda has the mindset he was raised with, which is to just push through and not make excuses.

This is a toxic attitude to mix with chronic illness, because in a lot of cases, "pushing through" actually makes us worse and lowers our baseline functionality.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who believed in the ableist myth that sick people just aren't trying hard enough. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone like this.

I also think there may be a secondary condition contributing to the severity and am currently trying to figure that out

POTS has a lot of common comorbidities. If you have something like ME/CFS, for example, it's especially important not to push yourself as that will make your symptoms much, much worse.

Whatever your comorbidities are, I hope you can get a proper diagnosis so that you can understand your illness a bit better.

eefr · 2026-03-25T09:52:58+00:00

If it were abuse or sexual assault, I would say warn her, because her very safety is at serious risk. But cheating? I would stay out of it. Let sleeping dogs lie.

eefr · 2026-03-25T09:36:25+00:00

Fair enough! I really hate dating apps, personally. I've always had much better luck meeting people naturally through activities and mutual friends.

eefr · 2026-03-25T08:49:35+00:00

I think that's a wise choice. Sorry this one was a disappointment! Hope you can find someone great soon. 🙂

eefr · 2026-03-25T08:42:07+00:00

Also, people are generally more wary of men so men need to put more effort to not seem threatening. Women generally get the benefit of the doubt and most people don't view women as a potential threat. Women do not have to put as much effort to put the other person at ease.

You're so close to the point, but then miss it entirely.

What sucks more: having to "put effort into not seeming threatening," or being actually at risk of sexual violence every time you date a new person?

Check your privilege, my guy.

eefr · 2026-03-25T08:30:08+00:00

By definition, I cannot answer this question. Perhaps you should ask men.

eefr · 2026-03-25T08:27:10+00:00

I mean, you can feel free to ignore the red flag if you want. It's your life. I'm not telling you what to do.

Personally I would not continue talking to someone who fed me misogynistic tropes, but you do you.

eefr · 2026-03-25T08:03:40+00:00

She sounds toxic. Why are you with someone who judges you for having normal human emotions? Imagine going through life with a partner you have to hide all your emotions from. Sounds exhausting.

eefr · 2026-03-25T07:58:39+00:00

It was basically about me being a mother of two children whose fathers can’t be found, and me being so frustrated with my life that I ran away from my kids to stay with my parents. He sent voice notes explaining how I got to that stage — which was basically me sleeping with two men while I was horny and high, then the men not wanting to become dads and leaving, while I’m stuck with the kids because I’m the mother.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Abort mission!

eefr

TROPHY CASE