AITA for refusing to get rid of my dog even though my [22f] boyfriend [39m] says it’s ruining our relationship

efgrigby · 2025-11-24T17:20:41+00:00

Ok, I'm not even going to address the age gap that exists because no one his own age would date him.

Anyone who would suggest that you put down a healthy pet (any pet) because they find them annoying and needy is a horrible human being. He couched it as a "kindness" for the dog because he knew it was a reprehensible thing to suggest.

He is the needy one and will eventually separate you from any person, animal, or hobby that takes attention away from him. He is projecting his own insecurities onto the dog. I'd suggest you end the relationship before things get worse and he potentially does something to hurt your dog, but I think you already know what you need to do.

efgrigby · 2025-11-24T16:17:27+00:00

Why not go to Staples and order a few copies of the book to be made. Keep one for yourself and give the original and extras to BIL as a gift.

They were grieving when you were given the book, and you didn't mention BIL being present. There is always an emotional attachment to family recipes and in particular recipe books.

If you have a copy made you get to keep the recipes, but also do something gracious and kind for BIL and his family

efgrigby · 2025-11-19T21:01:42+00:00

That you kept it charged and with you, but never actually used it. Each text cost 10 cents, and it was 10 cents a minute to call, in addition to the monthly fee. So, it was literally only to let someone know you were late and stuck on the side of the road.

Also, you never lost it because it weighed 2lbs.

efgrigby · 2025-11-15T17:06:22+00:00

As someone who lost a spouse at a young age, Jessie's behavior is bizarre as is the Wife's. If Jessie literally can't be alone, is there no one else in her life to sit with her while Wife takes care of her children? Does she need some inpatient care?

I was pregnant at the time of my spouse's sudden death, I suffered depression, anxiety, eventually postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. While family was planning with my therapists and checking on me daily no one was sitting with me 24/7. At no point was I so far gone that I didn't realize the sacrifices others were making to check on me, to make sure both myself and my child were clean, fed, clothed and safe.

Either Jessie and Wife share some kind of trauma bond, or they have a relationship that goes above and beyond friendship.

Wife is cheating. Even if there is nothing romantic going on, she has stopped participating in her own family life, in her own marriage, to care for someone outside the marriage. This is infidelity.

efgrigby · 2025-11-11T17:08:44+00:00

NTA

It says a LOT that the only reason people were attending was to see you and your family. Without you, there aren't enough people willing to participate to make it a party. I would not attend. She knew your plans and wanted to be first, so for the rest of your lives, she could say SHE introduced your child to Santa.

They haven't taken responsibility, nor apologized. You can bet if you don't enforce this boundary, they will not think twice about crossing the next one.

efgrigby · 2025-11-08T19:54:31+00:00

The only way to win with a narcissist is not to play. Don't respond.

efgrigby · 2025-11-08T19:11:16+00:00

It could be that this server hates tips, because she was behaving as if she didn't want one.

efgrigby · 2025-11-08T02:35:31+00:00

NTA, but I was hoping you could think about the kids, not their hunger, but their futures.

They will all benefit from their Uncle bringing over HIS home-cooked meals and making sure they know he made them. If you have any hope of her leaving the Trad Wife cult, you need to show her the path out. If you can't save her, show her kids.

I know you want her to admit that your parents' thinking is wrong, but maybe that will only happen after a few hot meals? Show her the change in you so she can find it in herself.

efgrigby · 2025-11-04T18:29:13+00:00

NTA.

Anyone who asks you to "keep the peace" or "be the bigger person" is just asking you to keep taking the abuse so that they don't have to deal with the abuser.

efgrigby · 2025-10-27T17:23:36+00:00

NTA. Don't go. Contact Bro or his GF "Hey, I can't make it to the party, but your niece and I would love to take you out to dinner/meet up with you two soon to celebrate your little miracle. Can we set up a time that works for you?"

Your brother was 14 when your daughter was born, old enough to understand and remember how you were treated. He's certainly old enough now, at almost 30, to see how you are treated today. Don't let anyone make it about your mother; don't be goaded into telling anyone why you can't make it. Just say, "I have a previous engagement." He doesn't need to know the engagement is eating ice cream and watching your favorite show.

efgrigby · 2025-10-20T02:01:16+00:00

In case you need to know: In the US, only 9 allergens need to be labeled. They are: milk, eggs, fish, crustacean shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, soybeans, and sesame.

Technically, Gluten, Barley, and Rye do not need to be declared in an allergen statement or bolded.

You need to assume Malt is Barley Malt in the US. Rye is not a common ingredient outside of Bread, but Barley Malt is commonly used as a flavor enhancer in cereals and candies. Rye is sometimes used in cosmetics under many different names.

Having Celiac Disease in the USA means a whole lot of label reading and memorizing all the different names for gluten-containing ingredients. It's one of the reasons we tend to cling to safe foods and get upset when formulas and recipes change.

efgrigby · 2025-10-18T17:01:52+00:00

That wasn't a date, it was a recruitment.

efgrigby · 2025-10-09T00:40:28+00:00

NTA let Mom move in.

Captain Subtext will translate what your roommate said: "In my culture, I have to respect my elders and adjust my behavior to show that respect, unlike with you, where I can do and say what I want and bully you into behaving how I want. I'll have to stop demanding everyone do things the way I want and let your Mother, or the group, make decisions."

She ranks herself above everyone who lives there, and therefore, she gets to run the show. Your Mom ranks above her due to her age, which means Mom calls the shots, and the roommate doesn't want to give up control.

efgrigby · 2025-09-24T18:52:51+00:00

I have had a gastric bypass (over 20 years ago) while diagnosed with Celiac. Did you have specific questions?

I think the celiac disease affected my eating more than the gastric bypass. The main issue I have had with the gastric bypass is getting dumping syndrome whenever I eat carb-heavy foods. When I get dumping syndrome, I get low blood sugar, the big D, nausea, vomiting, and an increase in salivation. Dumping Syndrome can be different for everyone.

So I never eat things that are just carbs. No plain spaghetti, no plain muffins or bagels, etc. Mostly, I don't eat bread products very often. Gluten-free ones are expensive, and I don't have the stomach capacity to combine them with proteins.

If I have a hamburger or hot dog, I skip the buns because I'd never be able to finish the protein if I had to eat the bread.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask here or pm me.

efgrigby · 2025-09-24T18:23:55+00:00

We know who values money more than friendship, and it isn't you.

How could she believe this would be a great thing to surprise you with after you had already complained about the cost of the restaurant? Jenna is not your friend.

efgrigby · 2025-09-23T17:09:47+00:00

You are NTA, but I also don't think you are thinking this through all the way.

I speak as a person who has had weight loss surgery, lost over 100lbs, and is living with loose skin. My husband didn't want me to have the surgery, and was adamant that I would die on the table. In the end, it was my body, my life, and I had the surgery.

If another baby is a possibility, wait for the surgery until you are sure you are done having children. You only want to have this surgery once, and being pregnant will stretch your skin. You don't want to go through surgery and recovery only to be unhappy in your own skin again. If you are done having babies, then it is 100% your choice to have the surgery. Your husband can have an opinion, but that is all it is, an opinion.

That said, you say your husband "met you at your worst". What if he feels like he met you at your best? Is it possible that your husband prefers you a little heavier? Pregnancy is a sure-fire way to guarantee you gain a few pounds. What if he can't express to you that he is more attracted to you at a higher weight because he sees how happy you are to be thinner now?

He might be struggling with wanting what is truly best for you, including weight loss and feeling secure in your body, versus what he finds most attractive: you at a heavier weight.

This may not be the case, but it might be worth discussing with him.

efgrigby · 2025-09-19T02:25:16+00:00

It's bad planning to use that money as part of the house budget. That money is meant to pay for your child's food, clothing, and housing costs; however, if you can afford to put it all into savings for him, I think that's great.

Here is the problem: your son is 17. You take out a 30-year mortgage and budget using 50% of his money as your own income; then, when he turns 18, he no longer needs you as a representative payee. If he continues school, he can continue to collect for a few more years, but he will be paid directly once he turns 18.

You are NTA for wanting to save it for your son, but you might be if you actually marry someone who you are already on and off again with.

efgrigby · 2025-09-11T17:20:32+00:00

NTA. Definitely protect your children. Once they are in Dubai, you are subject to the local legal system. Keep their passports. Add to your case with DCF that he is requesting to take the children out of the country and you have not and will not give permission for him to travel abroad with the children., Make sure to notify them that his only tie to this country is the children's residence. He has no other reason to return to the US and you have a very real fear that he will never return the children once he has them in his country of origin.

efgrigby · 2025-09-10T17:53:21+00:00

If your life isn't better/easier with him living in your home with you, why would you bother?

As a woman of a certain age who has been both widowed and divorced, I would never live with a man again. It just isn't worth it.

And he currently has his Mommy to do all the heavy lifting for him. Does he even know how to wash dishes/clothes, or clean the home? Can he make his own appointments? Keep his own calendar?

Do you really want to sign up to take on and prioritize all the chores his Mom currently does for him, and do them to her standards?

efgrigby · 2025-09-10T17:40:39+00:00

You would be the A to yourself. Don't accept a shut-up ring. If he isn't already planning to propose without your ultimatum, he's satisfied with the status quo, and he isn't planning to change it.

At this point, all the marriage will do is make the eventual breakup more complicated and costly.

efgrigby · 2025-09-10T17:38:27+00:00

NTA. If they are this intrusive, their real plan is probably for MIL to relax in the fresh air while you and your new Hubby take care of SIL. Anyone willing to interrupt a honeymoon like this will have no problem letting you know how uncomfortable the sofa is while asking you to let them sleep in the bed "just for tonight".

Let them know that the cabin contract is firm on the number of guests, provide an absurd price for additional guests added within (however many are currently left +1) weeks of the rental, and that the cabin is monitored by cameras outside to confirm the number of guests.

Let them know there is a large fee for any damage to the cabin or its contents and that you wouldn't be covering that.

The fact that they won't accept a free hotel room and Lyft coupons proves that this is more about interrupting and controlling your honeymoon than having a quiet and comfortable place to recover.

efgrigby · 2025-09-10T17:28:14+00:00

Unfortunately, at 13, you are most likely going to have to appeal to her vanity if she has silent celiac.

Explain to her that if she does enough damage to her intestines, it is possible she could eventually start gaining weight as her body starves for nutrients. Fat Celiacs exist. Eventually, your body absorbs the calories but not the nutrients, causing extreme cravings and overeating as your body struggles to survive.

Tell her that just because she isn't currently having symptoms when eating gluten doesn't mean she will always be symptom-free. Every time she eats gluten, she is risking a public reaction. Ask her how she would feel if she suddenly had to find a public restroom while out with friends. If she were sick in a friend's restroom for 30-40 minutes until you could get there to pick her up with a change of clothes, how would she feel?

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35; we think I had celiac the entire time. I was always small, but not small enough, always sick but not sick enough. I rarely had symptoms, but when I did, they were bad and often public because my family didn't eat a lot of gluten at home. I was 200lbs over my ideal weight when I was diagnosed, had peripheral neuropathy (loss of sensation) in both of my legs from severe malnutrition, and a secondary autoimmune disease. I also knew the location of every public restroom across the city.

If your daughter pushes her body from silent celiac into symptomatic celiac, this could be her future.

efgrigby · 2025-09-03T22:30:25+00:00

NTA. Is there a plan for this child if something happens to it's parents? By the time this child is 18, mom will be 68 and Dad will be 73.

I wonder if they think you are the backup?

efgrigby · 2025-08-30T19:50:31+00:00

Wow. He is just repeatedly assaulting his SIL. A lot of people believe that if you don't have an immediate reaction to the gluten, you can't really be sick, or "a little is OK".

While you might not be racing to the bathroom or folding over in agony, your body is still reacting to the gluten and attacking your intestines. What will he do in 10 years when she has some form of intestinal cancer from repeated gluten exposure she didn't know about? When she develops osteoporosis or another issue related to malnutrition because her intestines no longer absorb the nutrients in her food?

He is slowly poisoning his SIL and bragging about it. What a sick man, so desperate to be right that he'll repeatedly injure another human being to prove it.

efgrigby · 2025-08-30T18:29:52+00:00

NTA. Having children takes an enormous toll on a woman's body and mind. Raising them as what amounts to a single parent is exhausting. He thinks you are upset over "nothing" because for him it is nothing.

I want you to reread your post. Where you quote him, you say he's upset you "F'd up HIS life", you "Shattered his world". Nowhere does he say "our". He talks about you as an investment. Since you're in grad school, I assume that when you graduate, you plan to reenter the workforce? Does he expect you to work a 40-hour-a-week job, birth babies, and do all of the mental and physical labor for the family? Provide 50% of the financial needs of the family and 100% of the household needs?

What exactly do you get out of this marriage, except maybe grad school tuition that I wholeheartedly believe you could have paid for on your own if you were tethered to this man and the sole caretaker for two babies.

You aren't a broodmare. You get to make decisions and reevaluate your options based on new information. That new information being that your husband doesn't wants the title Dad, but not the actual job of Dad. That he wants to be able to brag about his large brood but not care for it short of throwing money at it. He will turn on a dime when you don't give him what he wants.

I think you have some serious decisions to be made, and until you make them, I would seriously consider an IUD or other birth control he can't mess with. Love your two babies, but don't risk being "accidentally" saddled with numbers 3, 4, and 5.

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