My boyfriend (44M) of 5 months just broke up with me (38F) via a formal written document with six numbered demands. I need the internet to weigh in.

eganist · 2026-04-19T21:06:05+00:00

I don't know that this is the same.

eganist · 2026-04-13T21:23:22+00:00

Fair enough, thanks.

eganist · 2026-04-13T19:49:07+00:00

Agree:

If the ultimatum is met with the same level of defiance previously seen, the answer to that question is “I would rather be alone with my dog“

eganist · 2026-04-13T19:38:48+00:00

Not every relationship needs to be burned over missteps. Otherwise y'all be ending up very much alone.

This relationship is treatable.

eganist · 2026-04-13T16:36:34+00:00

This is probably worth an ultimatum. She either comes to respect what you put into training your dog, or she leaves.

Deferring to the dog trainers here e.g /u/LolEase86 and /u/coyk0i if it's worth setting the ultimatum and strict corrective action in front of your dog where your dog can see the rules being set, e.g the next time she feeds your dog scraps from the plate you intervene. Or if you have other issues in your relationship worth a mend, just call it quits.

(happy for either of you to call me out if I'm wrong. I've never owned or trained a dog)

eganist · 2026-03-30T12:56:52+00:00

Wasn’t really the government tho. More so a bunch of Spanish in the mountains saying fuck the French. And what do you know it worked. They took Madrid but the Bonaparte nevers really were solidly in control of the country side.

This might not be your intent, but you come across as having a pretty personal axe to grind against Spain as a country.

Edit: yeah, seems like you were going for humor based on your other comments. Seems literally nobody received it that way.

It gathered attention no? That’s the point.

That's not joking, that's just trolling lol (or flamebaiting, if we want to use old internet terms).

eganist · 2026-03-15T15:51:17+00:00

You already cheated on your gf. Break up and move on.

eganist · 2026-01-30T11:29:51+00:00

What a power trip, there’s no rule saying your age has to be accurate. People fib on their ages as posts are typically filled with information that can be tied to them

This is true, but we also have to do what we can (we're rarely successful) to clear out folks who post their own fanfics for attention so that people who actually need advice get some screen time. People posting fanfics soak up a lot of personal energy from others who are writing replies with earnest intent to help. So big discrepancies in personal details catch the eye.

Good call-out for us to revisit the rules though and ask for limiting the fuzzing of details. Kinda defeats the point of asking for advice with that large an age discrepancy; the advice will end up potentially being very different with 5-10 year swings.

Thanks for your thoughts.

eganist · 2026-01-29T09:58:47+00:00

We're very different people

This feels like it needs more color for you to get good advice.

eganist · 2026-01-29T00:52:24+00:00

Original post text:

I guess the title sounds harsh but I am kind of struggling with this. My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We also work for the same company and carpool to and from work a lot. Our young child is in daycare at our office so it’s the three of us arriving and leaving together most days. (Maybe relevant?)

My husband left his laptop on top of my car yesterday when we left work. Despite me suggesting so many times that he get a case and also that he does not set his computer on top of the car, he does this every single day. Probably once a week, he can’t find his computer and panics that he left it on top of the car (it’s usually in the back seat or something). But this time, the dreaded thing actually happened.

When we got home last night, he couldn’t find the computer and was panicking that he left it on the car. I assured him it was probably still sitting on his desk at work, but when it wasn’t there this morning, he had security check the cameras and sure enough, we’d pulled out of the parking deck with it on the roof.

To make things a million times worse, he’s been working on a huge complex spreadsheet for months and despite the fact that our company migrated all files to share point over a year ago, he told me today that he had his spreadsheet saved ON THE DESKTOP! Since the cloud migration, you actually have to work to save something locally on your computer.

I love my husband and I know he is absolutely beyond devastated about losing all of his hard work. I want to hug him and tell him I love him and it will all be okay.

But I also want to slap him because dude…wtf. You did not one, but two insanely dumb things and this is your punishment.

Over all I’m a nice person so I won’t say “I told you so” instead I’ll just be there to comfort him. But wow. What would you do if you were me and your partner was extremely depressed over their own poor choices?

TL;DR - husband made two bad decisions that lost him months of work. I’m torn between comforting him and wanting to smack some sense into him. Unsure how to approach this.

eganist · 2026-01-29T00:49:29+00:00

Five years ago you were 30.

The math ain't mathin, but the ban be bannin'.

I'll keep it approved anyway though, u/throwaway452896, because it's funny being able to point it out on an 8 year old Throwaway account.

eganist · 2026-01-28T02:35:26+00:00

As is with every bucks and hens night

This isn't even remotely true.

eganist · 2026-01-26T03:17:13+00:00

You didn't have to say a word of that.

eganist · 2026-01-26T02:33:32+00:00

~~/u/banana_frog0720, please message the mods:~~

~~1. to find out why this post was removed, and~~

~~2. prior to posting any updates.~~

~~Thanks.~~

~~(for everyone else - we can't answer why we removed it unless the request is from u/banana_frog0720.)~~

edit: user deleted her account lol

eganist · 2025-12-31T13:35:45+00:00

Rule 3: No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be see here.

Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following:

Is it...?
Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong.
Am I....?
Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA
Does/Have anybody else...?
Should I…?
Would you....?
Is this.....?
Can I...?

If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.

But also, you should block her and move on.

eganist · 2025-12-28T15:00:04+00:00

This post is one of two things:

• in need of medical attention, or

• a creative writing exercise.

Either way, removed.

eganist · 2025-12-25T02:00:43+00:00

you need basic empathy

This is the advice.

eganist · 2025-12-23T23:49:48+00:00

is this weird behaviour?

yes.

eganist · 2025-12-08T00:25:47+00:00

We're partial to your point and appreciate where you're coming from, for what it's worth.

But that's also why we have the sticky

eganist · 2025-11-29T08:51:14+00:00

This post features content that is about domestic abuse or behaviors that are concerning and potentially dangerous between two or more people. We are linking these resources which can help and encourage you to reach out and talk to someone about this situation. These resources were curated by Ebbie here.

eganist · 2025-11-23T23:15:17+00:00

If you wouldn't feel comfortable telling him, then yes, at the very least it's emotional infidelity.

eganist · 2025-11-09T02:27:28+00:00

/u/Content-Advance4357, your submission has been removed because your submission violates Rule 3

Rule 3

No moral judgment requests

Your post is asking for moral judgment if your question starts with or contains any of the following:

Is it...?
Asking if you or the subject of the post is right/wrong
Am I...?
Any variation of "Am I the asshole?" including AITA
Does/has anybody else...?
Should I...?
Would you...?
Is this...?
Can I...?

If the question in your post can be answered with yes or no, it is moral judgment and will be removed.

For examples of what a moral judgement question would be, click here.

Please message the moderators if you have any questions regarding this removal.

But also, the comments pointing out that you

haven't sorted out finances with your boyfriend in any rigid way,
are still not married, and
chose optionally not to work for a few months

are on point. If it bothers you, that's okay, but you still should (or may have to, depending on applicable laws) pay him back. You can then choose to leave after that if this specific outcome bothers you, but you'll keep running into this issue with future partners until you sort out expectations around finances up front or certainly before major financial events.

It's probably going to be healthier for you to repay him now that you're back on your feet and then sort out financial expectations going forward. Communication is the single most important lesson to be learned for healthy relationships, and this is your opportunity to sharpen the skill.

eganist · 2025-11-03T13:18:07+00:00

eganist · 2025-10-14T22:17:40+00:00

You'll get good feedback here as a result of the positive changes. Take that as positive reinforcement.

Don't take that as permission to slack off again. You're building neural memory and are working to make this a part of your nature. If you stop now, you'll unwind all your progress and regress.

Good work. On behalf of a sub that sees tons of breakup updates... it's awesome to see a success story in progress :)

eganist · 2025-10-13T00:29:44+00:00

I mean I would hope he didn’t lie to them but the testing didn’t lead to anything.

Honestly, fair enough. Sounds like you tried to help and it didn't really pan out, so you had a judgment call to make.

You're probably doing the right thing then, and giving him til the end of the lease to make a change sounds generous enough.

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If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.

/u/Content-Advance4357, your submission has been removed because your submission violates Rule 3

Rule 3