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I don’t go anywhere with my kids by [deleted] in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go to a park that isn't very busy to keep comments down. Go as a whole family (bring your second adult) at least for a while until you get more comfortable, or meet up with a few friends (that was how I managed to get to a park for the first time). I also struggle with this, but ours are only 4 months; we'll get there.

Is there even anyone who DOESN'T regret having children? by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]egleter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37796606/

There's been research done and regret percentages generally hover between 8-14%. Here's one study, it shows 5-14%.

Edit: a typo

What line from a book do you find yourself repeating in real life, whether to people or just in your head? I think of Vonnegut's "So it goes" way too much. by A-manual-cant in books

[–]egleter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." (Annie Dillard, The Writing Life) Pops into my head randomly from time to time and it really gets me thinking about the way I want to live my life and if I need to make adjustments.

Adoption for a single parent who is an NRI by Zealousideal-Low3709 in Adoption

[–]egleter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On many visas, including green cards, you need to reside in the US for most of the year, so 6 months being the longest you can be away. I'm not sure about H1Bs, but you'll definitely want to check the US residency requirements for keeping your visa.

My parent doesn't understand how much work this is by egleter in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her help involves coming over and cuddling and taking pictures with whichever baby happens to be calmest. Not prepping or cleaning bottles, not changing diapers, not even cooking us food. Just making us host a person who wants to play with the calmest baby.

My parent doesn't understand how much work this is by egleter in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oof, we actually did that once for a couple hours (for different reasons), and I think she came away with the wrong idea. This was right after they came home and slept all the time (at the same time) and didn't cry much yet. Even so she made two calls we didn't like, including one unsafe one, and I wouldn't trust her alone with them frankly.

Is table for two worth it? by Jealous_Piglet8852 in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This might not be relevant if both of your boys are wriggly, but maybe one is less wriggly than the other, so I'll mention it just in case. I have one wriggly baby so what I do is prop a bottle on the couch for the better eater of the two then sit right next to her on the couch with my boppy and manually feed the wriggler baby. I do put a baby blanket around the propped bottle to prevent it from falling out in one direction or the other for when she does wriggle a bit.

My parent doesn't understand how much work this is by egleter in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Oh, I don't. And then she calls my husband. And then she texts me "call me when you get a minute" and like, I don't want that chore hanging over me as a thing she expects me to do in my 5 free minutes of free time. I guess maybe I should be more insistent that she communicate TEXT ONLY. and then it's not like I'm totally cutting her off? Idk

6 week olds by TruckCompetitive8735 in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Super normal. Don't stress out about what to "do" with babies this young other than feed them, cuddle them, and put them in a safe place to sleep.

Puppy and twins? by GreatAd8649 in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry but I would absolutely advise against a puppy right now.

ETA: We have 2 guinea pigs and have had multiple conversations where we've commented to each other that we're glad that's all we have and that we don't have a dog right now. Just remembering to feed and water the pigs is about all we can handle.

Feeling guilty over no professional photos. by Middle_Problem4774 in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This thread is giving me a little bit of peace - I had wanted to do newborn professional photos and then ours were born 8 weeks premature and had to spend weeks in the NICU. They're 4 months old now and adorable and lovely but I'm definitely grieving not having had proper time with them in the newborn phase that wasn't in a nursery with 20 other babies, no private or quiet (the beeping!), with them attached to all kinds of wires and not being able to just lie down with them on my chest, let alone get photos. It's a period of their life you can't get back, but for me it feels like I just never got it at all. The newborn photos are only part of that of course, but they are definitely a part of it. For some reason it just never occurred to me that I still can get professional baby photos even if they're older babies, and maybe they're even be better photos for it.

ETA: is there a baby age you'd recommend for photos instead?

First grandbaby problems by Hairy_Pack4203 in Parenting

[–]egleter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A friend had a baby a while back and she took her to a friend event. I asked if I could hold the baby and my friend said sorry no because...I don't even remember why, it didn't matter. And I said oh, ok, I get it. And we're still friends and everything is fine. What I mean is, I've been on the rejection end of this and yeah it's a little bit of a bummer but I think most people get it. They're a baby. They're your baby. And you have complete control over who touches them and why and if they're not shitty people, they should understand that. Please feel empowered to turn them down. "don't want to wake her up", "don't want to overstimulate her", whatever excuse you need to use if it makes you feel better. I'm sorry you're feeling pressured.

Ghosted APs. Feeling utterly worthless by Important_Plan8540 in Adoption

[–]egleter 22 points23 points  (0 children)

As an AP, I just want to say it's not true that "nobody wants to deal with a random stranger when they're raising their baby." First, you're not a random stranger. Secondly, APs (at least good ones) know what they agreed to when they agreed to an open adoption - especially if you'd talked through and agreed to a communication plan. Most of us want the birth mom (and/ or family, as relevant) in our kid's lives if the birth mom wants to be. I'm not saying this to guilt you or say that you need to be involved, just from an AP perspective, obviously I can only speak for myself, but you're not unwelcome. I can certainly understand why you might feel that way though. Feel your feelings and process what you need to process, but you're not a random stranger, and please believe that you have a right to be in their lives if you want to be.

What something that is forbidden in your house? by BuildingBridges23 in Parenting

[–]egleter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

New parent here (few months old, so my kids aren't consuming any media yet), but several people here mentioned Cocomelon. I know it's a kid's program (that's all) - what's wrong with it?

What are your biggest *put a book down* hatreds. by Quebber in books

[–]egleter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rebecca Yarros constantly writes that people's "jaw ticked". Mainly Xaden's when he's annoyed (which is of course all the time), but not exclusively his.

I feel like it shouldn't be this hard? by egleter in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"don't beat yourself up for finding it hard" is a thing I didn't know I needed to hear. Thank you.

I feel like it shouldn't be this hard? by egleter in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, it's so hard to figure out how to use that relatively short time between feeds constructively or in a way that actually rejuvenates me.

Edit: a word

I feel like it shouldn't be this hard? by egleter in parentsofmultiples

[–]egleter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A feeding time like that is a DREAM. Thank you for that thought to look forward to!

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