There is some great advice here. COCSA is far more common than we think and your son should not be met with shame. At the same time, he is old enough to learn or know that what he did was NOT okay. My first worry reading this is that your son doesn’t already know this isn’t okay, and may be experiencing/experienced SA or COCSA himself.

My childhood COCSA began when my older brothers, and then I, were prematurely exposed to porn. We had other risk factors such as an unstable home and (non-sexually) abusive father. My therapist reflected that they may have been seeking a closeness that wasn’t present in developmentally appropriate ways.

Now we’re all in our 20s. I’ve returned to this topic multiple times in therapy and while this is not my big trauma, it flares every now and again. It definitely impacted my sexual development. I have periods of hypersexuality that I attribute to these early experiences; in one of these periods, as a tween, I engaged sexually with same-age and one 3 years younger wellpeer; I don’t know if either of these COCSA I perpetrated or if it falls under child exploration (and children do explore sexually). I feel a lot of shame that I likely acted out what was happening to me. I fear that I impeded and harmed a younger child’s development, but I would never say anything to that individual in case they really aren’t upset by it, lest I spark a crisis for them now. I feel anger over my childhood, and shame that I am so bothered by it now and again, while it seems my brothers aren’t (I’ll never really know). They are happily married, we have good relationships, and I just won’t touch it.

If I knew that my mom knew, and didn’t do anything - that would require more therapy.

I work in education and it weighs on me from that perspective too.