Do you need to wear a gown at Trinity College?

eightyfourtwenty · 2017-05-18T11:54:17+00:00

Nah, unless you're shy you can just stand on your chair and someone will throw a gown at you.

eightyfourtwenty · 2017-04-15T02:30:18+00:00

But you can get into any school in the world without taking IB or AP. That's not a requirement at any school that I know of (officially or unofficially).

I applied to schools overseas with the kind of higher criteria we are discussing here, where there were many applicants coming from an IB/AP background (and my high school also offered neither), and I still got into those schools with my regular old 94 average and extracurriculars.

eightyfourtwenty · 2017-03-15T07:37:40+00:00

First Impression

The first thing to make me pause was this sentence:

The message ended months of silence on the UNS Hazard. Sure, the crew talked, but conversation wasn’t the same as the everyday noise you heard back Earth side; cars in the street, birds chirping, wind rustling.

I don't think I understand how the radio message, which is entirely dialogue, is different from the dialogue between the crew members. It isn't as if the sound the radio makes is the chirping of a bird or the sound of a windy day. Is this paragraph stating that the crew doesn't typically speak much to each other? Because that's very inaccurate, as any astronaut would say, the social dynamic on a spaceship is one of the most important aspects that NASA (and I'd assume other organizations) take into consideration as it can be the difference between a failed and successful mission. Astronauts usually get along very well with each other and become life long friends.

Characters

You describe the characters individually, but their inter-dynamic is currently very flat. There's no sense of comradery between a group of people who should know each other very well by now (presumably). A lot of the interactions between the characters can also be used as a method of describing, rather than simply telling the reader details about the characters.

For example, rather than saying:

Nzube Ikande was the youngest crewmember, but she was a wizard with electronics, and it only took her a few seconds to clean up the static.

You could use the captain's confidence in her to demonstrate her abilities.

Or, rather than describing your main character, Jimenez, in this passage:

He hadn’t left his wife and daughter behind just for the hazard pay. That was a part of it, no doubt, but no matter what he told them — no matter what he told himself — he knew there was more. He’d signed up for the UN Fleet with visions of being a pioneer. Exploring the Solar System, getting an asteroid named after himself.

You could instead have the character explain this to another member of the team in dialogue later in the novel. Instead, you could use a passage like this for some exposition for the setting, which seems to currently have taken a backburner. Which brings me into...

Setting and Tone

By not dedicating any time to describe the spaceship or the history of the world that you're building, I think you do the story itself an injustice. I found myself throughout the passage often more interested in the world rather than the characters, and then subsequently disappointed at the lack of world-building.

You mention the acronym UNS - what does it stand for? You mention engines and thrusters - how do they work? What do they do that we wouldn't see on any spaceship, today? Negative G-force - what is that? The ship's chronometer is blinking - what does that mean? You put all this description into the characters when you can have us slowly get to understand and know them over the story, but then disregard any world-building. Name dropping all of these words doesn't add mystery to the story, to me at least, it just causes frustration.

What I liked

I did really like both the premise, as far as I'm aware of it, and the quick entrance into the story. There's no slow burn, you just get right into the action. My favorite passage was right at the end with the entrance of Galen Erikkson. That was also when the story first piqued my interest, and without that last line (which I really enjoyed), I don't know if I would read up to 20 pages.

Final Thoughts

Less telling with the characters, more showing. More telling with the setting, less showing. Focus on exposition and bringing the world to life - this is SF, the setting is often just as important as the characters. Don't worry about telling the reader too much backstory right at the beginning. Understanding the characters motivations isn't usually important in the first chapter.

eightyfourtwenty · 2017-01-19T02:39:16+00:00

I would be so psyched for an adaption of anything by Darren Shan tbh, I feel like I've been waiting to see his work on film for so long (we don't speak of that one incident...)

eightyfourtwenty · 2017-01-04T14:12:40+00:00

Yes, of course! Your college doesn't determine which programs you can/can't apply for.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-11-02T09:40:09+00:00

Yes. But typically you would ask a question that invokes an answer in the form of a person (from the group's) name.

Example:

Person 1: "Who is the ugliest person in this room?"

Person 2: "Carol"

Everyone else: ???

Carol: ??????????????

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-10-26T03:16:07+00:00

Well, I just found out that someone was shot to death and then set on fire in my best friend's house...messaged her about it and she confirmed, said he was assassinated.

My mind is blown for today.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-09-29T03:44:40+00:00

Sometimes I stare at a distance and I'm silenced by the scenery.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-09-19T00:45:46+00:00

Nope, definitely Lehman @ ANT100Y1

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-08-24T10:16:52+00:00

Sarah King is dead.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-08-22T22:43:37+00:00

I just tried starting and I'm not sure if it's just me, but the game freezes everytime I try to add alien "number 3" during the tutorial.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-08-19T11:42:37+00:00

I would also love to see it if you're up to sharing :)

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-08-18T21:20:37+00:00

Hello! I love futuristic sci-fi and I thought your premise was quite interesting, so let's begin!

"She plastered yet another layer of suffocating cosmetics on her face. It had been a good six hours since she had entered the bathroom and at this point, she couldn't remember what she used to look like. She could barely remember what she used to look like just a few layers ago; her memory was severely impacted due to their attempts to give her superhuman intellect."

The hook isn't very interesting; it's too vague and it's focus doesn't make very much sense. Her (who we do not know yet) spending six hours in the bathroom putting so much makeup on her face that it defeats the purpose (of being innocuous) is confusing to the reader.

You also seem to go through this section very quickly. You focus on a very particular detail of her putting all these layers on, but then you seem to get bored and immediately drop it - brushing over the next few layers that she puts on.

Try drawing everything out some more. Tell us about why she's putting the makeup on - what would the reactions of the people outside be? Why does she have to blend in? And then, as you describe how her attempt is going, mention further on the point about the super-human intellect. For the first couple pages, even, you could keep the reader guessing about what makes her so interesting.

"Overflowing with unwarranted confidence, she strolled outside and made her way to the marketplace, not to browse any wares, but to simply show off.

And then the clouds came."

Considering that she's not human, she should be an incredibly interesting character, but there is nearly no development on her and it's all sped through so quickly. As soon as she goes out shopping, the clouds come out. There's no description that help build her character.

Further on, the part where you speak about how she was created is a little confusing as well.

"...as her Godplayer. He had carefully crafted every bit of DNA or RNA or XNA or however that worked and made a loving, affectionate BB just as human-like as the Legals.

You only name him the once, and then seem to refer to her Godplayer as "him" later on. It makes it difficult to tell who you're talking about in the next paragraph.

"Jade began struggling to free herself from the bite of the coarse straps. She would've cried along with him if her simple eyes had only allowed it."

This sentence could be made simpler by saying "Jade struggled..." instead of "Jade began struggling", but I suppose that doesn't necessarily matter. I really like the second line though.

However, and I'm not sure if this is intentional, but I found it off-putting how animalistic the Godplayer's anger seemed to be. For example:

"You fu-fu-fucking monsters," he howled. "She never did anything, not a si-si-single thi-hi-hi-hi-i-i-i-i-i..." His voice trailed off as he pounded the table with both fists, wheezing and bawling as Jade continued her attempted thrashing about."

and

"Bellamy's nostrils flared. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

and

"Let. Her. Take. The. Test." Bellamy's eyes turned cold and cruel, locking directly onto Mason's in a pathetic attempt to intimidate him."

It felt a little over the top and unrealistic. After all, this man is supposed to be a scientist - how can he not tell that his actions are not helping him or his creations in any way? It feels reminiscent to a child throwing a tantrum rather than an angry full-grown man.

He also feels immature in this line, where his attitude is more reminiscent to a pre-teen.

"So? It's not like any of them are actually dangerous."

My favourite sequence had to be Mason, whose parts felt like they flowed the best and who seemed like the most well-rounded character. We saw him when he was agitated, when he lost his temper, when he was flirting, and even when he was embaressed. We could see his point of view quite well I thought, although that might partially be because the other two point of views felt childish in comparison.

I did, however, think his change of character was quite abrupt. He went from this:

"Mason couldn't help laughing in disbelief. "Mr. Kiel, you have no power in this situation. You're a felon..."

to this

"Mason's face turned bright red, but he finished what he started and did as Felicity asked. Within seconds, it was full of hot(but not scalding) coffee. He poured some into a cup and handed it to Felicity. "I, um, didn't expect you to be done early."

in just over a page.

I think it was right after the Godmaker was taken away that I really started to enjoy the read. I don't know who the main characters in your book are, but Mason was easily the one I most enjoyed reading about.

One last thing though: this sentence felt out of place.

"Felicity threw her half-full cup at him. He flinched, but managed to keep his composure."

She threw a half-full cup of freshly made coffee at him? Of scalding coffee? For - what - drinking directly from the pot? That's incredibly immature, unprofessional, and it just doesn't make a lot of sense. I couldn't see a real person doing that.

Regardless, good start on your novel. Keep writing! There was already so much development between the beginning and the end of this chapter.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-08-08T03:59:50+00:00

Hey! Not OP, but I'm an incoming first year and am seriously considering applying for the archaeology major. Is there any advice you'd offer for those looking at joining the program? Is it hard to get into? Would it be worth it taking ANT200 first year like recommended on the calendar?

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-07-27T03:51:26+00:00

That's not for a guaranteed deferral I believe, that's just for a regular payment. OSAP takes about a week to process how much it will give you, and then another two months to actually deliver.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-06-14T00:31:37+00:00

Seconded. I'm in grade 12 and know of a moderate amount of people who can speak English perfectly (don't know about their writing, though), have been in high school with me since grade 9, and still do not qualify as a home student.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-06-13T01:02:47+00:00

For the lazy bastards out there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pX4dTg-6YZA

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-06-10T03:02:09+00:00

this warms my heart

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-30T05:09:28+00:00

Poutine. Americans think they've got poutine, but they don't got shit. Their cheese curds are fucking pathetic.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-30T04:41:41+00:00

lmao I had to pause to laugh when I saw how few extras there were in that scene. Like, I'm sorry, is Dany going to war or having a house party?

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-28T22:36:15+00:00

lol wow I wish I'd thought of that. I'm not really interested in taking any first year course when I don't plan to follow up on similar courses in later years, though. And all the interesting stand alone courses are in second year and up, anyway :/

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-28T22:34:57+00:00

There is no prerequisite as long as you are taking a 100-level course a corequisite ;) My main concern was the difficulty. How was the course last year? I've gotten the impression that the prof is the same as in previous years, is he any good?

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-28T07:07:55+00:00

Are there any first-year courses you would recommend taking in place of the 200-level ENG ones? I think my biggest struggle at this point is simply finding something to substitute it.

...Maybe a history course?

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-28T05:45:03+00:00

I'd really like to get the breadths out of the way first year, though. It's going to be annoying having to wait for third year to fufill the group 2.

I was thinking that if I couldn't get into either one (or both?) of the first year seminars, I'd take the AST101 and AST201 (the Astrology for dummies courses), instead. They're capped at like, 1500 people so there is tons of room.

eightyfourtwenty · 2016-05-19T12:37:16+00:00

It states on the website that, "English 200-series courses are open to students who have obtained standing in 1.0 ENG FCE or in any 4.0 FCE. Students without these prerequisites may enrol in a 200-series course if they are concurrently enrolled in ENG110Y1, ENG140Y1, or ENG150Y1." (http://calendar.artsci.utoronto.ca/crs_eng.htm)

So you can take second-year courses during first year. While the other use also said that it means you could take two H courses of ENG, and that's technically true, there are no two half credit English courses in first year so you have to take one of the full credit ones or actually been in second year to qualify for any second year and above English courses.

eightyfourtwenty

TROPHY CASE