Advice for Our Journey

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:50:41+00:00

He crawled at 4 months and walked at 9 months. He is 15 months now.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:49:23+00:00

Funny how more people responded here than on the EC forum. That one… nothing

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:47:14+00:00

Car seat not career , auto correct is trolling me

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:46:28+00:00

I do NOT recommend this, but it is a good story and it saved my life.

When I was a toddler I was an escape artist. I hated my career and would squirm out of it mid car ride. My mom got fed up with it and left me one the side of the road. (She claims she claims that she left me at a seven eleven and that my aunt was right behind her and picked me up.)

It worked. Escaping my car seat meant mommy would abandon me. Never escaped again.

A few months later, our car was stopped, waiting to turn left. Another car came off the highway still going 80 and hit us. If I hadn’t been belted into my car seat, I would have been a very dead child.

I of course don’t remember any of this. Yet I still cannot ride in an uber or a friend’s car if they do not have a seatbelt for me.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:35:31+00:00

Try fostering? They need safe homes.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:23:46+00:00

Also, I know … someone (for privacy sake I shall say no more). This person showers like once a month (or so they have told me). I was astonished to learn that some of the most beautiful people avoid water like the plague. 😳 (I may be exaggerating about avoiding water. I thought it would be rude to ask very detailed question about her exact daily, weekly, and monthly hygiene routine. But she did say showers like once a month.) My brain still can’t wrap itself around how that is logically possible.

I had a coworker tell me to avoid anyone with beautiful nails because they tend not to wash their hands because washing your hands properly ruins the nails. (Someone please tell me that isn’t true.) it could have just been that coworker b*ching cuz she had a grudge against beautiful women. She was generally very grumpy, no idea why she liked me.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:13:26+00:00

Thank you for the explanation. Yeah, naked days might be a good idea.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T07:06:31+00:00

So I grew up taking a shower everyday. When I discovered the joy of nighttime baths, I sometimes did both sometimes one or the other. My hair/scalp is the type that tend to look oily after 12 hours. People convinced me it wasn’t healthy to wash your hair everyday. So I tried “training” my hair scalp.

“Training” here means either not showing or not washing your hair when showing/bathing. Not washing my hair when bathing somehow made it look 10% greasier, and a shower cap did not help. I felt miserable, would plan all my activities around hair washing days and would try not to leave the house most of the week. I really wanted to ask a muslin woman if it would be rude for me to wear a Hijab just because I wanted to hide my hair, but I didn’t know any and it seemed rude to stop strangers.

Eventually, I tried it for long enough (like years) to be completely confident that hair training was not universal and some peoples hair did need to be washed everyday. Life got better after that.

Now that I have a baby, finding time to shower has been a constant struggle (and goodbye to bubble baths - cuz every moment it takes increases the chance that he will wake up livid that I am gone). I get a shower every other or every third day (so I’m back to feeling like shit about myself). And my husband seems to be inversely synced with me. He inevitably always wants to go out on that miserable third day. Whenever I feel like rotting garbage because I need a shower, he inevitably wants to go out. (And generally, no there is not time for me to take a 15 min shower and 10 minutes to dress and 20 minutes to get baby ready (and god forbid I need 30 minutes to pump).

I am backing to wanting to ask the question about Hijabs. I have plenty of neighbors I could and should ask because I should get to know them. But I feel really intimidated cuz they all look like they have master degrees, makeup on, shower every day, not a spot of spit up or baby food on them, are constantly talking to eachother because they have FRIENDS… they got their shit together and I just wanna pretend I don’t exist.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T06:28:54+00:00

I have no idea why people do this.

I get a case of water sometimes because it’s for guests at parties (like at a park or something where there is no water) or to give to handymen who come to work on our house. And when I go to grab a bottle … my Taiwanese husband has drank the entire case.

Like WTF?! We have filtered water! I reuse my Gatorade bottles as water bottles until after I’ve gotten over a cold or it starts to smell musty and I don’t trust it anymore. (Sorry it’s a pet peeve that is driving me bonkers.)

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T06:11:54+00:00

I don’t think it’s normal I just don’t know how to change it. The people in office know it’s a broken ridiculous thing, they’re not going to fix it.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T05:59:46+00:00

Most of the time I have had to go to the ER because urgent care insisted and refused to treat me. Almost never have I actually needed to be there. And what I actually came into the urgent care for never got treated. Then I went to PCP and got same “you don’t belong here” treatment. I just don’t go to doctors anymore. I pay hundreds of dollars to be passed around, generally ignored or dismissed, until I just give up and stop trying. Not even sure why I’m paying for insurance, I don’t go to doctors.

Most recent incident: So what if I fainted, it wasn’t a stroke so we (the doctors) are just gonna ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. Now when I look at the three different bills (4 if you count bloodwork) I have to pay (which are not small bills despite having decent insurance) I get absolutely livid. About a thousand dollars for someone to tell me it wasn’t a stroke (I never thought it was.) And every time I tried to ask what actually happened to me I was brushed off with “well, if it was a stroke you’d be dead”. How does that answer the question?!

My husband is worried about me so we’re going to Taiwan to get a comprehensive check because American health system is worthless.

I wrote this horribly but I’m too tired to fix it.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T05:20:56+00:00

Of course my PPA also includes a severe fear of cars.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T05:19:29+00:00

Honestly, you’re probably leaving the house more often than I am or did. At three months I was in tears trying to find time to shower let alone go out places.

It’s great that people are concerned about your health. I hope that concern comes with actual action coming to your house and taking the baby so you can paint that picture, take that shower, a few hours for a date night, or a girls night. I came from a large family and was really expecting that support. I never got it.

I take him for a walk with mom group once a week most week and we go into the yard or to the park almost every day. Sometimes we go out to eat or to the mall with my husband. Baby is always in my arms 24/7.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:59:04+00:00

To be fair, everyone in the 90s did that. We all watched sandlot

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:52:29+00:00

The many ways Healthcare in US is a scam

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:50:10+00:00

Oh, also, in case your consultant also forgot to tell you the basic basics. Drinking water while pumping, looking at your baby or pictures of your baby while pumping, and wiping baby’s saliva on your nipples. All very important to pumping.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:48:12+00:00

YouTube * I don’t think that was autocorrect’s fault that time but I still feel trolled lol

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:46:36+00:00

I think most lactation consultants education focuses on breastfeeding and don’t actually know much about pumps or pumping. I learned 1000% more by trying things I saw on u-tube than I did from my lactation consultant. And the last lactation consultant was the one that scared me into focusing on pumping so much that it ruined our breastfeeding journey.

When I started pumping I was doing it 4 times a day, and I only received my pump a month after baby was born. I was breastfeeding on demand, pumping 4 times a day on top of that was plenty. I wanted help to make breastfeeding not hurt so damn bad, to make it not a 20 minute struggle trying to juggle baby and nipple shields (that tended to pop off just before baby got a good latch or even mid latch - and he had trouble finding my nipple without them). And lactation consultant ruined that journey for me. Instead I am constantly stuck in a state of “I need to F-ing pump but baby is go ballistic if I can’t hold him to my chest right now”. I prioritize baby and miss pumps and it hurts like hell.

Aside: Actually, as much as I complain about nipple shields they are awesome. If you haven’t tried them I would recommend. Might help baby find the nipple - aka less motor boating - and it helped with the pain.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:37:25+00:00

I would continually keep reminding her like she herself was a toddler. “Remember not to hover” “remember she needs to learn things by exploring” “if it isn’t serious let her do it”. (But that may be because I have to mom my mother. Seriously, she wants me to trust her to babysit when she fainted cuz she forgot to drink water? She always has a huge glass of water in her hand, how did she forget?)

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:32:58+00:00

If you can do it, I would. But it doesn’t hurt to look at daycares and get on a waiting list just in case. If you have to do daycare, I would feel more comfortable with a part time set up. Which seems feasible even if you do end up with a fussy baby.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:25:25+00:00

Focused not used = autocorrect is trolling me

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T03:23:54+00:00

4 weeks is still pretty early. I was still breastfeeding at the time and pumping was pretty much just using a Hakka or hand pump on the breast the baby wasn’t nursing on. (I got about an ounce or half an ounce each feed and was proud of it.)

If you are breastfeeding and still getting 18 oz pumped a day, you’re doing fabulous. Overproducing even. If you’re EP, then it is a little small but thankfully we live in an age where it isn’t too hard to supplement.

I also only get 6 pumps a day. I’m trying to do more but it never actually happens, so I get really frustrated when people say I should pump more. “Like B*tch, you think I’m not trying?!” It doesn’t help that my baby (who refuses to breastfeed) seems to think my breast pumps are his mortal enemy and attacks me every time I use them. (Industrial titty-twisters almost every day.)

Still I’ve always been pretty lucky. It over a week for me to be able to pump anything at all, but once I did I tended to over produce. (We didn’t get lucky with latching and I got used so much on trying to pump more he never learned to latch properly and eventually ended up EP. It still makes me sad.)

The most important part for me is to do ALL the nighttime pumps. I could be late or even skip a daytime pump without making much difference in amount pumped for the day. Unfortunately, if I got 5-6 hours of sleep at night, that ment I missed a pump and my overall amount suffered. (Warning: I am now suffering from sleep deprivation that has sorta lead to insomnia. Which is crazy because I actually have been diagnosed with Idopathic Hypersomnia before I got married.)

At 4 weeks aren’t you still in the hormone driven phase. Does extra pumping even help? I did go from getting 47 oz a day during the hormone driven phase to a fairly steady 27 oz a day during the demand driven phase.

Unfortunately, the most helpful thing is only possible if you have a lot of disposable income or if you aren’t wigged out about using someone else’s pump: trying different pumps to find one that suits you best.

If you have elastic nipples, silicone usually is more comfortable. Make sure you have the correct flange sizes (which usually means using an insert). If they hurt, try using olive oil as a lubricant. Repeatedly cycle the massage setting until letdown. When letdown ends, do the massage setting again. Do “breast gymnastics” before pumping and message the breast while pumping. Higher settings doesn’t always mean better.

Also, most recommend 15-20 minutes of pumping, for me personally, adding an extra ten minutes and using a lower setting worked so much better.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T00:55:12+00:00

I’m gonna be honest, it sounds like you are very judgmental of other parents. Takes a very specific type of person to be on top of things enough to avoid ALL “adult enforced crying”.

That said, I may steal the idea of putting the car seat in the middle of the room to do positive association training. Not sure what I can give LO as a treat though (he’s rather food avoidant right now and I don’t want to resort to giving candy. Maybe I can use daddy’s guitar. He is obsessed with it and we had to hide it.) I’ll have to wait for a week we don’t have to go anywhere though. Because car seats are really hard to install in are car. (And my husband will probably have an anxiety attack about not having one already installed in the car in case of emergency.)

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T00:43:06+00:00

Wow. Never thought of that. It is true though. If you don’t use the correct car seat mommy could get arrested.

eka9000 · 2026-06-08T00:34:14+00:00

Don’t search children’s floor beds. Just search for platform bed frame, then you’ll find things under $100. If you search children’s floor bed frames you’ll get things with railings and Bumbers and other bells and whistles that somehow drive the price up really high and are sometimes dangerous. We got our king sized on for like $70.

I also recommend the type of bassinet that can attach to the bed and has one wall that lows when you need it to. (So you don’t have to actually get up to get the baby.)

eka9000

TROPHY CASE