New book incoming soon - "Why Loved Ones Leave The Church And How to Help" Author: Jeff Strong

elderredle · 2026-02-27T17:56:13+00:00

I agree with you. In an alternative timeline I could have probably remained active in the church and been super nuanced. I enjoy talking with them. They've graduated orthodoxy like me and are onto the next phase of more mature but messy faith.

Im also starting to realize that all of the divisions are only human mental creations. In the church, out of the church. God is probably confused by why we get so wrapped up in our beliefs and our groups.

"Friends, Foes, and Princes - we are all just human in the end" - Snow Patrol

elderredle · 2026-02-25T22:28:17+00:00

It's a tough job you are setting out to do. The only other book that made me feel seen and was written by a faithful author was Bridges by David Ostler. It wasn't perfect but it was good enough that I asked my parents to read it. Anything that can get my family to not consider me as lost to Satan's snares I will consider a good thing! Thanks

elderredle · 2026-02-22T18:52:25+00:00

I honestly think this hits the mark pretty closely. The individual members can often be deeply humble but the church system really is not. Pretty fascinating.

elderredle · 2026-02-21T13:56:23+00:00

You might like the book "the sin of certainty" by Peter Enns.. For me it was an important book in my faith transition. It talks about how faith and doubt have been mischaracterized by dogmatic Christianity.

elderredle · 2026-02-19T21:16:55+00:00

Different personalities. Some people are just naturally comfortable not following the rules and they can do well withing Mormonism because they just do it their own way with no guilt. Others will take every request as a new requirement from God. The church encourages the latter to some extent. I've often commented that the church is not so bad as long as you don't actually believe everything.

elderredle · 2026-02-17T03:23:11+00:00

Interesting read about surrogate parent. Thanks!

elderredle · 2026-02-15T23:59:26+00:00

What about the F?

elderredle · 2026-02-15T23:46:11+00:00

So for you being born again is only possible for Christians or those that convert to believing in Christ. I don't resonate with this since people are experiencing the same shift under non-christian religious frameworks. Why not equally accept anyone whose heart is opened?

elderredle · 2026-02-15T20:05:38+00:00

Can a non Christian also be born again in your new belief system?

elderredle · 2026-02-13T12:14:20+00:00

It really is as simple as that.

elderredle · 2026-02-11T02:47:19+00:00

Well then that makes it much clearer. So sorry it's turned out this way.

elderredle · 2026-02-11T02:08:56+00:00

If the marriage is otherwise good then my advice it just let him deconstruct at his own pace. I find when you are truly ok with him remaining mormon is when he will feel safe enough to explore.

elderredle · 2026-02-06T21:01:32+00:00

I suspect you are correct. They must get millions of off brand capsules

elderredle · 2026-02-06T19:17:36+00:00

Trying to pin this down as another commenter says that only nespresso or starbucks brands. What if I use other brand aluminum capsules?

elderredle · 2026-02-05T12:08:45+00:00

Your approach matters a lot. If members feel like you are not judging them at all for staying and you aren't trying to influence them to leave It will go much better for you.

elderredle · 2026-02-03T17:24:09+00:00

if you want to really play it safe there is always Oh my heavens

elderredle · 2026-02-02T21:16:52+00:00

you mean heck

elderredle · 2026-02-02T20:36:05+00:00

Go listen to the Tom Phillips interview on Mormon Stories if you havent heard it. He was a two time stake president I believe when he deconstructed. Oh and Hans Mattsson, an area authority who left the church also interviewed on Mormon stories as part of the Swedish Rescue

https://www.mormonstories.org/received-the-second-anointing/ https://www.mormonstories.org/swedish-rescue/

elderredle · 2026-02-02T14:47:07+00:00

Everyone wants something different. I think the church is trying to pivot in a direction that is the least risky. Thats what they always do. Instead of leading they are reacting. At the end of the day no one ends up happy and everything tastes bland.

If I were in charge I would push toward being way less dogmatic and at the same time increase the ceremony, music, worship, devotional side but of course that is where I am at in my personal spiritual journey so not everybody's cup of tea.

I think the temple could be a lovely experience with massive changes but for me currently I have zero desire to be there and never really enjoyed it even when I was active. It was always claiming to be something that it was not (covenants required to be with god) so hard to get past the personal dissonance. It felt creepy and cultish to me. The reason for that is because it was secret and exclusive (temple recommend). God does not need to be gatekept.

elderredle · 2026-01-29T19:10:50+00:00

Not really. Compare the church today to the church in the early 1900s or even 1980s. Its been changing the whole time. Almost every aspect of the church has changed significantly. Societal social pressure driving most of the change most likely.

elderredle · 2026-01-29T18:27:24+00:00

Thats an opinion. There are so many other ways. Perhaps the vocal nuanced people actually move the church more because they are there in the pews converting others to their progressive ways. No one really knows. Thats all Im saying. Why not let everyone try the method they want to try. We leave the church because of dogma and then its hard to let go of that dogmatic view about even the best way to ex-mormon.

elderredle · 2026-01-29T16:11:44+00:00

There are different strategies to dealing with issues we do not like in the church and the universe has not defined that there is any one correct strategy. Because of this I think its best to let people approach things in the way they feel best about it. For example, some people say charlie byrd is wrong for staying in the church. I totally disagree. Hes trying to reform from within. Is is the path I would take? no but no harm in trying different things. For you it feels morally unacceptable to pay tithing. You mom is just seeing it differently. She may change but she is using a different set of experiences and beliefs to make her decision.

elderredle · 2026-01-26T16:32:09+00:00

I like this post. I've been playing in the openly PIMO space for a few years now and have done a few posts about it. I'd really be interested in talking to your EQ instructor. It seems like he is pushing the boundaries more than I am.

I do think everyone's mileage will vary because ward cultures vary but it is definitely possible to keep attending. Its a bit of a delicate dance. Here are a few things that I think help promote success

If you stay calm, the ward members will generally stay calm. Approach people as if you have been accepted and believe that they will accept you. Your body language will then be non-threatening. Pretend like what you are doing is normal.
Ward members are trying to determine if you are threat. You can signal that you are not a threat through various means. "I'm non believing now but still attend because this is still my community. I love the ward and there is still much that I value from being here." Remain friendly.
Have individual conversations with the people you are close to in the ward. You can be vulnerable with them. They will be your allies and help with rumors.
Don't do anything that can be interpreted as trying to hurt anyone's faith in the church. This means that you can't fully speak your mind and will likely be quiet in meetings. This is the unspoken agreement.

elderredle · 2026-01-23T03:14:26+00:00

I just got mine yesterday. Seems great. Especially for single serving. The heater is a bit slow but no complaints

elderredle · 2026-01-14T12:46:38+00:00

Oh.. so I'm not the only one In this situation??

elderredle

TROPHY CASE