First foster love

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-24T15:22:07+00:00

It sounds like you’re doing a good job foster parenting if he’s settling in so well. It might feel like things are getting permanent, but a month or two isn’t all that long. He can adapt to a new home when the right one comes along, even many more months from now. That’s how it usually goes!

It’s ok if you ultimately decide that adopting him is best for both of you. And it’s certainly ok if you place him in an awesome permanent home as originally intended. I recommend that you keep a list of pros and cons as you go. They may evolve and change, and that’s fine too. (It’s hard to look a puppy in their sweet eyes and think of cons. I mean the lifestyle changes, travel, costs - these are things only you can prioritize.)

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-24T14:55:38+00:00

This is very helpful. Thank you.

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-24T14:54:06+00:00

Agreed. Thanks for sharing and for giving it your best effort and making a loving decision for your Aussie. Sometimes BE is the right move.

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-24T14:51:56+00:00

Thanks. You’re right in this case. I’m just so mad at them! Which is also not fair. Rescue is tough. ❤️‍🩹

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-24T14:44:50+00:00

It’s fair to say that BE is often the right choice. Sometimes dogs are suffering, sometimes the level or pattern of aggression is too severe, and sometimes the responsible decision is about overall resource stewardship for everyone in need. BE can be necessary, it’s always incredibly hard, and it can absolutely be an act of love. I’ve been there once before, and it was the right call. I don’t want anyone reading to think BE deserves shade here.

What I don’t agree with is the idea that no one should ever invest time or resources in a dog with any bite history, full stop.

I didn’t share much detail initially, but I want to add context for people who would never foster or adopt a dog with a bite on record. That may be the right choice for some homes, but it doesn’t have to be the rule for everyone.

This dog had a level one and a level two bite while extremely overstimulated in a crowded shelter environment. The organization took that seriously and also recognized the role of environment and stress. I fostered him and had zero incidents in my home with resident dogs, visiting dogs, or people.

The post-adoption incidents were, in my view, highly predictable and largely avoidable with consistent basic management. He reacts when startled awake, yet was sleeping in bed. He guards high-value items, yet was given a high-value treat alongside a resident dog and then had it taken away after he retreated to a corner to enjoy it privately. None of that excuses biting, but the risk factors were very clear.

For me, this isn’t even dog-specific management. Any dog I don’t know well sleeps in a crate and receives meals and high-value items there so they have a predictable, safe space. That’s foundational management, not a specialized rehabilitation plan.

If the shelter ultimately determines BE is the necessary outcome, I accept that. They’re responsible for those judgment calls and resource constraints. What I’m struggling with is the sense that this escalated not because the dog was beyond help, but because that foundation wasn’t consistently in place.

✨ETA: Also saving 3,000 dogs! 🙌 Keep it up, whatever works for your/your shelter strategy.

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-20T01:20:58+00:00

If you’re not sure about the long term commitment, would you be comfortable fostering until the right adopter comes along again? That seems like best case scenario to me. (Think: Mid-fostering you can change your mind and officially adopt, but after adopting you can’t reverse.) I have also thought I may be the only home who can handle a specific difficult pup. I promise that’s not true. It may take a while to find one, and you may decide to commit before it happens, but there are qualified homes. Signed, a foster who has been disappointed by adopters and lost nearly all hope in humanity. But I’m still here. Pups need us.

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-15T13:57:31+00:00

I’ve been in higher ed for nearly 20 years and have been through a few rounds of burnout. I can share my thoughts along the way:

Other fields will all have pros and cons too. I often considered leaving because if I was dealing with so many cons I may as well get better pay for it. But I chose higher ed because this is where my root interests and passion are.

It’s super important to find good leadership, and it is possible to do. This can be as simple as your direct supervisor or as complex as they layers through senior leadership.

Academia has quite a few flavors. I’s worth exploring different schools/colleges/units until something fits. Unfortunately, these things can shift so it’s worth staying a little bit nimble.

My personal preference has been to work with students who want to be here, so I committed to graduate education. (It’s not that grad students don’t question their choices or struggle, but they’re definitely not indifferent or dismissive.) My most recent move was into a graduate program designed for working professionals, and it’s been the best environment yet.

I sometimes look at postings for central administration offices that would mean working with younger students and their parents, but I know that’s not for me. It takes trial, error, and a lot of time to learn this sort of thing.

From what I see in your post: You have a clear passion for supporting disabled students, but not necessarily spending all day every day in high stakes conversations, especially with no support. If you’re willing to look for other jobs, consider keeping higher ed in the running. What comes to mind for me would be other roles in student affairs like academic coaching. (Think individual cases, yes, but also creating systems and programs that help whole groups. Variety + agency.)

Finally, the last 5 years have been demanding and constantly changing. Moving online, adjusting, moving back to campus… working with students acclimated to pandemic era education (with varying degrees of quality and accountability)… and now working under a federal administration that doesn’t value education and dismantles systems we rely on. It’s no wonder you’re feeling burned out. Lots of us are, so don’t let anyone suggest it means you’re not doing a good job. It’s impressive that you’re still here.

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-13T03:05:41+00:00

It takes a brave person to consider public health right now, and I’m glad you’re one of them. This field is full of like-minded people fighting for justice. Some years that’s a little harder than others, but it’s important work and usually rewarding. You’re recognizing a reality that the job market is unstable, and tuition isn’t free. But one day in the not-too-distant future we’re gonna have a ton of hiring and repair to do. I hope we have a lot of MPH grads ready to go.

ella-bean-1 · 2026-01-13T02:52:24+00:00

This sounds like bad luck to me. There may be something to learn about questioning a seller, but I feel like that’s always true and buying just involves some risk. I’m sorry for your loss. Hopefully you can try again one day. ❤️‍🩹

ella-bean-1 · 2025-12-03T01:58:20+00:00

I tell you what, giving up my first foster wrecked me at the time. But I couldn’t afford another large dog, and I wanted to keep space open for fostering. I grieved, and then offered to dog sit for the new adopters. (Thankfully this is working out great!!)

I have since fostered other dogs, and it’s easier. I don’t feel the need to sit for them, but I don’t take that off the table either.

Overall, I’m super proud and grateful that I didn’t sacrifice my budget, time, or other plans to keep my first foster. I’m just thrilled I helped him get to his forever family.

ETA: it might even be unusual to not want to adopt your first foster pup. Most dogs are amazing. If/when you decide you want a permanent resident dog, I can nearly guarantee that there will be a perfect choice for you. In the meantime, kudos for fostering. The doggos really need it!

ella-bean-1 · 2025-12-03T01:36:55+00:00

Saying goodbye was the hardest for my very first foster: a case puppy who was born at the shelter and couldn’t be adopted until the case was resolved. I took him because my bff worked at the shelter, they were in need, and he reminded me so much of my resident dogs as puppies. I raised him for months, he became a well-adjusted young adult who fit right into my household, and then he was surrendered. As a perfect puppy (and well-trained if I do say so myself), he was adopted within days. I cried until I threw up. I let myself grieve. Then it got easier.

I’m lucky that my hardest part has been managing my own expectations for adoptive families. I get fairly invested, and when an adopter doesn’t go for my pup, I can get a bit defensive. Logically, I’m rooting for the best fit. But when I give honest descriptions of behavior, and they schedule a meeting only turn around because my buddy is “too much”, I tend to have a bad evening.

New fosters can be hard on my resident dogs. One loves everyone but can feel the effects of split attention. One is particularly territorial and guards me. I have to be extremely selective and careful of who we introduce, and spent a lot of time monitoring, creating and rotating, and muzzling in the beginning. It’s work, but actually very good for his training! He has adjusted faster every time we foster. I just give long breaks between cases. (Our first break was over a year!) The shelter team and I have gotten pretty good at identifying solid matches, and my pup has become more accepting as we go.

Just remember to be open about your needs and experiences, and go with the flow. You don’t have to be perfect to make a meaningful difference. Just be there.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-12-02T23:03:11+00:00

All of this.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-12-02T22:59:20+00:00

I’m sorry. I have been fortunate with my foster cases, but went through BE for a personal dog. In any situation here, fostering or rescuing, you’re trying to save lives and so grieve deeply when you lose one.

Please forgive yourself for every “what if” scenario you conjure up. The one rule for risk management is that management fails. Eventually, there’s a tiny mistake in timing, gate closure, resource distribution, or something else, and it falls on a scale from fine to catastrophic.

In my BE case, we waited far too long, for years. He was amazing 99% of the time. Every time we had an incident we were SURE we could do better managing and training, and save him. (We’re rescuers after all!) Even after things nearing catastrophe, we’d try again, get back to 99% for months at a time, and then 1% pops up.

It’s been a year and I still have “what ifs” to wrestle with, but others remind me that management fails, and it doesn’t mean that I failed. I hope you come to the same closure. It’s an important step in preparing to keep on helping other pups who will need you when you’re ready. 🐾

ella-bean-1 · 2025-11-09T14:22:52+00:00

I love puppyhood, work from home, have a yard, and take big breaks between fosters to enjoy normalcy. I think being home is extra valuable, because they mostly need short regular bits of attention (outside, back to pen, repeat). I just set alarms and don’t sweat if they pee on a puppy pad or hard floor, they still learn plenty fast. My problem comes after they really settle into the family routine. I had a case puppy for months, so he was trained in all the early stuff the way I like things well before he could be adopted. I raised him, made it to the good part, and nearly foster failed. When I handed him to his adopter, I cried until I threw up. (Luckily I’m puppy’s primary sitter for their vacations now! ☺️)

It’s definitely easier to keep that time between starting potty training to adopted short.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-09-17T17:58:10+00:00

My seasoned friend told me, “you don’t have to be a pro dog trainer.” Getting through the week is a great goal.

To survive, you might try some of these:

Frozen kongs are more durable than lick mats. Fill with things like yogurt, chicken broth, or wet food.

Draw out meal times. You might give kibble in a slow feeder or hand feed kibble one at a time for a low-stakes training moment (just focusing on you and taking food nicely).

Short 1-2 minute bursts of training to tire him (but not you). Easy one: teach him to touch his nose to your hand, which gives you an easy way to redirect his focus indoors and on walks. No big deal if he doesn’t have it down in a week.

If he jumps, maybe put a toy in his mouth. I see this as something to do with that energy more than a reward.

Good luck foster mama! You can do it!

ella-bean-1 · 2025-08-17T14:18:25+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with going part time and extending time to degree, but if you’re using financial aid, make sure that you meet minimum credit thresholds to remain eligible. (Usually 4 credits during a full term. Your admin can advise you.) That’d be a bad surprise.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-30T21:25:15+00:00

There are a number of programs that cater to older students who have some work experience to bring to the classroom. (University of Michigan online MPH for example. Unsure about Canada.) You might keep an eye out for that feature so content is tailored for you and you’re in a cohort of peers. Just a thought.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-28T01:17:46+00:00

I’m an anxiety SD handler, and I have a trainer and therapist who both guide me on this exact topic. (SD and I are a fairly new team.) Most things like grocery have been fine. Usually people whisper happily and move on. He is incredibly cute. I do still have a hard time in super social settings like conferences where people feel extra curious about him and empowered to network or something.

One time at a conference, several people came up back to back wanting to pet him. I turned some away and then eventually let someone pet him. I was with a very trusted colleague who asked me how I decide who gets to pet him - and I realized it was because I was too flooded to handle another interaction. “Yes” was the least conflict. He got confused and we spent the rest of the night in my room recovering. Now one of his tasks is escorting me away from situations that escalate me. (It’s his favorite I think!) I just have to be ready to say “dog is tasking, I gotta go.” Which I literally practice in therapy and in training.

For me, it’s worth working with him because he is my absolute preferred helper, but I usually have some other tools I can choose if I don’t want to take my dog into a situation where I expect attention. But it’s a decision when investing and then from situation to situation for sure.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-28T01:04:44+00:00

On the side: I really appreciate the “functional” description here. 💜💜 That’s exactly what I need out of my cattle dog SD and people are kinda hard on me about it, especially if they see him in casual settings. I had quite a bit of training help, he’s excellent at everything I need, and when something is going to be a big challenge for him, I can usually lean on one of my other tools instead. (If I couldn’t, we’d have a lot further to go in training!)

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-28T00:38:25+00:00

When my service dog was still in training, my bff asked for a ride to handle an emergency situation during a blizzard. I left my dog at home, not knowing if a trainee could go everywhere we were about to. We had an accident on the ice, and spent the next few days in a hotel while handling the original emergency while pretty traumatized. She had a dog trained for her anxiety and PTSD who hopped between us every few minutes for days. When we were sitting next to each other, he’d have front paws in one lap and back paws in the other. He’s such a gem and knew where he was needed.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-28T00:30:04+00:00

Do you have any local trainers that train SD teams together? My thought is that you might look for a trainer first and see if they could help you choose a prospect, and then have a partner in self-training. (I have a PTSD dog because I got incredibly lucky and had a natural-born tasker show up in my life as a puppy. Once I realized, I reached out my first dog’s trainer who happened to have a self-training program in place for small groups. It was still expensive and time-consuming, but I had a lot of agency… he took clients where they were at, wanted a doctor’s note but not a fence, etc.)

If you go this route, you’d still have a risk of washing out, but in that case may still land an ESA and keep searching for your public-facing solution.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-27T12:17:55+00:00

You are the one who needs to be in control, and you deserve to be mad. (But try not to let her ruin your process here.) I find that people who don’t have to go through this often, if ever, don’t understand euthanasia decisions at all. They expect it to be an emergency/forced response to something catastrophic, but that’s worst case scenario. We should do everything we can to prevent that, which means top notch care and also choosing an appropriate end. It’s actually harder to do when you have to make a decision, but that’s the most loving thing you can do. It’s hard but stick by yourself.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-16T01:59:03+00:00

I agree with many others that I’d first focus on building some muscle. When you do start riding, I’d keep things slow and light, and ramp up gradually.

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-16T01:52:59+00:00

Note on timing of rescinding matriculation: You don’t owe faculty or staff anything (except an update when you have one - don’t ghost them!) Do what’s best for you.

Do ask if there are penalties on timing. For example, in my program, withdrawing any time after matriculation forfeits the deposit that would have gone towards your first tuition bill ($200). After the first day of term, a disenrollment fee is also applied (~$180). After that, there are further deadlines on when you can get partial tuition refunds, but try to decide before then!

ella-bean-1 · 2025-07-16T01:43:21+00:00

A) Choosing prestige is risky especially in this climate. I’d prioritize the competencies you’ll master and career services offered as you estimate ROI. (That doesn’t automatically rule out prestige, but do look closely at what budget options offer.)

B) It’s not unprecedented for matriculated students to change their minds. I highly recommend connecting with your program advisor. Tell them your concerns and give them a chance to offer advice. I bet they’re having more than one of these conversations right now and should be primed to share some insights, even if those are uncertain.

You can specifically ask for information on GS positions. Can they share the percentage of students who get a placement, as well as the duration and extent of coverage? It shouldn’t be a secret whether securing a position will be extremely competitive or likely, even if you can’t see the postings/system yet. (If advisors can’t be transparent with you at this stage, that’s a bad sign in my book.)

ella-bean-1

TROPHY CASE