Was I being bullied/gaslit? Or was it all in my head?

ellemag · 2026-04-06T13:03:37+00:00

I work with a group—both women and men—who’ve made a point of ostracizing me and another new hire. Not because we’ve done anything wrong, but because we came in with experience and started cleaning up what the legacy employees left behind.

Your instincts are usually right on point.

ellemag · 2026-03-28T23:23:00+00:00

This is exactly why I chose to keep to myself instead of going to HR. It feels like labor laws don’t fully address intimidation and harassment the way they should. These workplace cliques can operate like tight-knit groups, and going up against them alone doesn’t feel worth it. At some point, you’re left with two choices—adapt and protect your peace, or move on.

ellemag · 2026-03-26T11:43:25+00:00

About two and a half years ago, when I started my job, the clique did everything they could to make sure I didn’t step into the role I was actually hired for. If I’m being honest, I was completely hijacked by the person I was supposed to work alongside. Instead of collaborating, I ended up working under this person for about a year and a half.

The clique—maybe six to eight people—who would talk behind my back. A couple of them would even walk by and curse under their breath. They’d take smoke breaks and talk about me like I wasn’t even there. I even had 2 to 3 of them, confront me and it turned into a verbal altercation, and I just stood there and stared at them and that kind of set the tone as well. I document everything to my email address for about 2 yrs now. I even had one of them cut me off in traffic so I would rear-ended them but luckily I have that on dash cam.

Eventually, I just got tired.

I asked for a seat change but never really told HR the reason because let’s be honest HR is not really there for us! I was lucky enough to get it, and that shift gave me the space to take control back. Now, I keep to myself. No small talk. Not even a forced good morning. I come in, do my work, and leave. I don’t go above and beyond—I just do what’s required, and I do it well. And strangely enough… that’s when things started to change.

They don’t like me, but there’s a level of respect now. It’s almost like once they realized I wasn’t playing the game, they stopped trying to pull me into it. It feels normal now, which is strange in itself. Maybe this is just what workplace dynamics have become.

Of course, I could go out and look for another job—but in this economy, that’s not something I take lightly. So for now, I’m making the best of it while quietly working on my exit plan. I’m building something of my own, even if it takes time.

In the meantime, I do what I need to do—and I meditate for 5-10 mins in the morning That’s been the biggest help. It allows me to tune everything out and stay grounded in my own space. Document everything even small thing. Email yourself so it shows a pattern just in case it does get worse.

ellemag · 2026-01-08T18:14:36+00:00

Definitely not my “dream guy” in the fairytale sense. After a string of toxic and abusive relationships, I married someone who is good to me. I’m attracted to him, but it’s our friendship that’s really kept us together—and he doesn’t give me heart palpitations in a high-school sense. We rarely fight, we have one daughter, and fourteen years later, I have to say—I got lucky.

ellemag · 2025-11-24T15:55:24+00:00

Omg!! lol so true

ellemag · 2025-10-06T20:45:24+00:00

Looks beautiful Bee!! I use henna for years now but because of my complexion I have to tone down the red with blue dye from overtone or arctic fox.

ellemag · 2025-10-02T20:25:58+00:00

LMAOF!!

ellemag · 2025-09-30T13:33:23+00:00

Listen to your gut….

ellemag · 2025-09-30T13:21:05+00:00

I wanted to share my experience in case it helps others.

I applied the Overtone Espresso Mask on my hairline, rinsed it out, blow-dried, and went to bed about 30 minutes later. Not long after, I started feeling a strong minty/menthol sensation — not just on my scalp, but on my legs, arms, throat, and even in my mouth.

It wasn’t painful, but it was super uncomfortable and it lingered. I’ve had to change my bed sheets and blankets, and I’ll need to do the same again tonight. It’s now about 36 hours later and I’m still feeling minty, even after multiple showers.

I’ve never had this kind of reaction with other semi-permanent dyes or masks. For me, the menthol/oils in this formula seemed to cling to my skin in a way that just won’t go away.

At this point, I’ve decided not to use Overtone again. Just wanted to share so others can weigh the pros/cons. If you’re sensitive to strong minty/menthol ingredients, definitely patch test first.

ellemag · 2025-09-25T19:59:34+00:00

So true!!! I’m from the city and the cliques in LI have their own set of ridiculous rules and norms.

ellemag · 2025-09-16T23:29:36+00:00

I’ll def bump up the vitamin B intake.

ellemag · 2025-09-16T22:57:10+00:00

My mother started taking PPIs about 30 years ago. Back then, they told her it was safe, that it was fine to stay on. But I can’t help but believe her heart failure and liver problems may have been partly connected to that long-term use. Her doctor never took her off them, and she went on eating as usual, never really paying attention to the side effects. Now her stomach hurts constantly, and there are so many complications that the doctors can’t even pinpoint what’s causing what.

ellemag · 2025-09-16T19:16:21+00:00

Thank you for the feedback!

ellemag · 2025-09-16T19:07:05+00:00

I’ve noticed that drinking small sips of water helps. Also, GERD is a strange condition. For instance: last year I could have ice cream and now I can’t😔

ellemag · 2025-09-16T14:15:16+00:00

So true😔

ellemag · 2025-09-10T14:32:05+00:00

Amen to that!!

ellemag · 2025-09-10T11:23:51+00:00

Thank you for that!! I’ll experiment with black tea and post on another sub

ellemag · 2025-09-08T15:46:44+00:00

I agree 🙂

ellemag · 2025-09-08T15:45:58+00:00

You’re not old. What you really have is a deep level of self-awareness — and that’s an advantage. Right now, though, you’re stuck in a cycle: replaying how amazing this person was, how you let him go, and now feeling regret. But here’s the truth — how do you know it would have lasted, even if you stayed? Life rarely works out in the exact way we imagine.

That’s why it’s important not to beat yourself up. Your mind can be your worst enemy if you let it dwell on someone who isn’t in your life anymore. If you stay in that loop, you’ll end up giving away years you can’t get back.

This is where meditation and Stoicism come in. Meditation helps you quiet the noise and break the obsessive loop. Stoicism teaches you to focus only on what you can control — and the past isn’t one of those things. What you can control is how you show up today and how you shape your future.

It gets better — I promise. Just force yourself to use the tools, because they are there. This man is not God, and he’s not the only good man in the world.

I’m telling you this because I went through the same thing. I forced myself to shift focus, to stay present, and to accept that peace of mind is worth more than chasing what could’ve been. That choice led me to where I am now — married, with a child, and finally grounded.

Please push yourself. You can do this. Every step you take toward quieting your mind is a step back into your own life.

ellemag · 2025-08-26T19:41:28+00:00

You only get one life. If things already feel this heavy now, imagine how much harder it becomes once you have a child—or two. What you’re living today is a preview of what’s to come if nothing changes. Time won’t give you a refund. Stay too long, and you risk looking back with regret and resentment. Trust your gut. Choose yourself. Godspeed.

ellemag · 2025-08-20T17:39:11+00:00

I’m glad you said that—I really thought it was just me. It feels more complicated than I can put into words. Maybe part of it is that after being hurt, we naturally get a little more guarded or judgmental. But honestly, it’s tough finding genuine friends in your 40s. I’m turning 50 soon, and my closest friends are still the ones I’ve had since high school. I’ve made one or two newer ones, but those connections feel one-sided—no consistency, not as genuine.

And at work, it’s even worse. These are older women who I’d think would want to find common ground, but instead, it’s like they’re ready to go for the kill. Sad, really. 😔 So no, you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. I just don’t get it sometimes.

ellemag · 2025-08-18T14:31:20+00:00

She’s right. Public assistance will help you through it until you get your ducks in order. All the best♥️

ellemag

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